Last night on Real Housewives of Orange County, our “ladies” explored the foibles of youth. For the first part of the episode, they talked about their kids. For their second act, they chose to act like children. Literally: they had a sleepover and TP’d Jeanna’s house.
As far as drama goes, there were a few juicy bits, but mostly filler. The saga of Gretchen and Lynn’s daughter persisted, Vicki hired a psychic to make everyone uncomfortable, and Tamra talked about not wanting a divorce that we already know is in progress. Oh, and Alexis’s husband has never changed a diaper in his life, for any of this three children. I found this both completely obnoxious and not at all surprising.
Actually, that pretty fairly surmises my reaction to this entire season.
This episode was again kind of filler-y, which is only fitting in a season that has, thus far, seemed completely like filler. The only useful piece of information that came out of this episode was the the New York housewives come back to us on March 4. Their promos were much more interesting than the show itself.
One of the only recurring story lines that this episode touched was the issue of Lynn’s daughter and Gretchen’s interest with her. Lynn and Gretchen met for a puppy playdate to discuss what transpired with Alexa (that’s her name, right?), and in perhaps the most telling part of the whole interaction, Lynn’s dog actually tried to flee from her.
Lynn groused that Gretchen was undermining her authority as a mother and overstepping her bounds, which probably would have been a very winnable position, had she not agreed that Gretchen’s idea was a good while Gretchen happened to have a camera crew handy. That’s the thing about reality TV: revisionist history doesn’t really work when you’re trying to revise things that were also on the show.
Their squabble spilled into a later phone conversation, during which Gretchen reminded Lynn that she had gotten her permission to speak to her daughter on those specific issues before she ever approached Alexa. When Lynn heard that, she made a face like something was happening in the middle distance that had caught her attention off camera (perhaps something shiny had gotten her attention), and when she finally snapped back and remembered that she was talking on the phone about something that is ostensibly important, she just changed the subject slightly and continued to prattle on.
And then THAT squabbling spilled over into a dinner that Lynn inexplicably agreed to during the previous phone conversation, and Slade got to be the slimiest we’ve seen him yet this season. You see, Slade has a small child (whom I’ve heard is terminally ill), and he’s supposed to pay child support, and he doesn’t. So he probably shouldn’t be criticizing anyone’s parenting decisions. Gretchen doesn’t have kids, as Lynn continues to point out as her trump card, but I’m not entirely convinced that Lynn remembers that she actually has a second daughter most of the time. After all, she’s getting evicted AGAIN – she can’t even remember to pay her rent.
All of that sounds like a lot of drama, but really the entire thing was so incredibly “meh” that I can’t even remember how their dinner ended. The subject of the conversation never made an appearance in the episode, and a few mentions of Tamra were the only weak attempts to somehow relate the storyline back to the rest of the show. Next.
That wild-eyed beast that they call Tamra? Well, her balding son got a job, decided not to go to jail, and apologized to Simon. Hopefully that means we won’t have to see him again for the rest of the season. Next.
Vicki’s son made 40k playing poker recently but still hasn’t gotten his own place. Next.
Ok, yeah, I guess that about covers everything but the “sleepover” party at Vicki’s (I use quotes because no one actually slept over – they packed up their suitcases and left at the end of the night. So it was like a dinner party with sweatpants and jello shots).
She managed to get all five housewives into the same house for a few hours without any major fights erupting, but that was probably because they all had a third (…sixth?) party onto which they could focus their desperate rage: Dougal, a young, kind of adorable (in the “I bet he would do a karaoke version of ‘Bad Romance’ with me while drunk” kind of way) psychic that Vicki brought in to distract everyone from how much they hate each other.
And it kinda worked! These women are such galactic egomaniacs that any perceived slight, no matter how tiny or imagined, was cause for, at the very least, a silent, crossed-arm temper tantrum while everyone else got their fortunes read. In reality, the things that the guy was saying about each of them were very accurate. Whether that’s because he’s a psychic or because he’s seen the show is not for me to say, but no matter how accurate he was, each housewife took her turn saying how he was just so off base. This show is where self-awareness goes to die.
Just to hammer that point home for me (thanks for helping, ladies), they all put on masks and black Juicy Couture track suits like a bunch of bored teenagers to go toilet paper Jeanna’s yard because they all hate Jeanna. The maturity, it overwhelms me.