Wait, so, I missed something. We got a new housewife, Sonja Morgan (yes, she divorced a descendent of JP Morgan) last night, and I had no idea that she was coming. At any rate, she’s here and she seems like a total crazyperson, which is exactly what I like to see. She spent half of her intro talking about how important sex is to her, and then we found out that she has an elevator. Not in her building; in her townhouse. Excellent. She will do just fine.

Beyond that, there were various and sundry other sorts of bizarreness all crammed into one episode: LuAnn on a rickshaw, Bethenny laying on the floor of her bathroom after finding out she was pregnant, Simon running around in his underwear in a clothing store. Oh, and there was also the little matter of Ramona’s already-famous runway walk of insanity…

The episode opened with our first introduction to our new housewife. Sonja, as I mentioned, is profitably divorced from a super, super rich Upper East Side heir and she really likes shopping, yoga and banging any dude that slows down long enough for her to jump on. She also dated Max, the same generic sugarmommy-seeking Argentinian dude with which Kelly went on a really awkward on-camera date last season. In short, I totally love her. Did I mention that she has an elevator?

She’s on the show because she’s “friends” (I feel like none of these people are capable of having actual friends) with LuAnn, who tried to remind all of us that she’s still rich enough to be ferried around New York by immigrants by arriving to a Central Park meeting with Jill in a rickshaw. I have this image in my head of LuAnn walking down 5th Avenue, offering random people cash for a piggyback rides, and then being really confused when they’re all offended. And now that I say it, well, I wouldn’t put it past her.

The Central Park meeting was one of those super-contrived Housewives things that sometimes make these shows kind of boring – LuAnn told us all that the psychic was right and that she has a man, Jill told us that…that she’s Jewish? I don’t remember. She carried a rather nice Hermes Kelly Bag, and I do remember that.

The next time that we saw the Housewives (or most of them, anyway), it was Brooklyn Fashion Weekend, and Kelly, Alex and Ramona were going to walk in a real, live fashion show! Jill also showed up, but mostly all she did was complain about everything – the location, the chairs, the clothes. I have news for her: this was an event hosted by a Real Housewife in Brooklyn. What did Jill expect, a Chanel show at the Grand Palais? It was Brooklyn. There were hipsters. She was overdressed. LuAnn didn’t show up because LuAnn doesn’t know where Brooklyn is.

Despite her best efforts (including an argument with Kelly about Twitter – Jill actually is in high school, apparently), Jill wasn’t the biggest story at the show, and neither were Kelly’s big linebacker shoulders in her strapless dress (no snark, I have broad shoulders too, strapless is hard to pull off.) That honor was given to Ramona, who apparently travels with her own personal supply of pinot grigio, complete with stemware, in her purse. She whipped it out to throw back a few glasses before her big walk, and then she tried to sneak some of her own jewelry onto the runway. I can’t decide if I love or hate Ramona, but she’s incredibly shameless, and I guess you have to sort of respect that.

And then, she took to the runway, and it was…magical. Let’s see, how to even explain it…she managed to bug her eyes so far out that it it looked as though all of her crazy was trying to burst straight out of her face, Alien-baby style. I tried to make that face in front of my mirror a few times last night (yes, that’s what I do to entertain myself while I’m procrastinating on my recaps), and I couldn’t even replicate it. Even after a few small drinks. Ramona has internalized the sort of wild-eyed madness that alcohol alone can’t create, and she so generously allows it to peek its head out from time to time for our entertainment.

While Ramona was propelling herself down a Brooklyn runway by the fire of pure insanity, Bethenny was sitting bare-bottomed on a toilet for our entertainment, taking a pregnancy test. And, well, since she hasn’t hidden herself away for the past 8 months or so, we already know that Bethenny is pregnant. It was hard not to have a bit of sympathetic anxiety watching her frantically dial her boyfriend from the bathroom floor, leaving him histrionic, cryptic messages about the important thing that she has to tell him. Between a sudden pregnancy and her dying father refusing to see her…well, I’d be clutching my dog in the fetal position on the bathroom floor, too.

Thankfully, however, Bethenny mostly got a break this episode. The lion’s share of the episode’s public embarrassment belonged to Ramona, who didn’t stop with her crazypants runway appearance. Later, at a party for Jill’s Kodak sponsorship (really, she has a sponsorship with them?), Ramona picked a fight with Jill over Kodak’s financial situation, and then she got self-righteous about Jill’s hasty exit from the fashion show. I think that Jill deserves credit for not cackling so loud at her walk that the entire place turned to look, so we’re going to disqualify that from the argument.

Jill told Ramona that she needed to leave and the stomped off, and then LuAnn and Kelly came to diffuse the situation and Ramona managed to make them both stomp off as well, and then the cheese stood alone, sipping her pinot and plotting her next act of chaos. Because Ramona was already several sheets to the wind, she went back for more while Jill was actually on stage being honored or something, and that turned into a shouting match where Ramona told Kelly that she was brainless and she ran away, obviously afraid that Kelly would sit on her. Or something. I don’t even know anymore.

Share Your Thoughts With Us

  • Monique

    First beeyatches! LOL I’ve always wanted to say that… seems to be all the rage on most websites. (fb)

  • Handbag Lover

    Girl, you have truly made my day. Best line yet, outside of the rap music lines you throw, in :) “banging any dude that slows down long enough for her to jump on” I was ROTFL! Amanda you are MY GIRL!

    Jill is spoil and needs to grow up, get a job and know what it is truly like to earn something. Did she make a comment last night that Jews have big wankies?? Did you hear that?

    Kelly was once a man, period, bottom line and no one can tell me any different.
    Ramona needs a little less of the little blue pills and the new lady, sigh, I like her but lord she is a mess.

    See ya lady till next time. :)

  • Tamee

    I almost would rather just read your recaps than watch the episode! Oh the drama!! (fb)

  • robyn

    LOLOLOL…it takes all kinds….(fb)

  • Sofia Nolan

    I second Handbag Lover :)

  • Linda

    I look forward to your recaps. They’re always better than the show.

  • Kayla

    Hahaha I love your recaps! (fb)

  • Leslie

    OMG….I am sitting in my office at work…laughing so hard I am crying. I don’t look the least bit professional, but I don’t care! This little piece of prose has made my day. HILARIOUS!

  • Pat

    Ramona’s eyes on the catwalk were very zombie-esque….what was that about? Lol. (fb)

  • Relli

    Amanda I never watch the show until I read your recap, that way i can figure out if its worth my time or not. I will definitely have to catch this one when my kid takes a nap. I read one of those fluffy People articles about Sonja and Ramona go way back their single lady days, I wonder what kind of dirt they have on each other and whether or not they used to pump iron together (remember when Ramona showed her bodybuilding days picture………. ew). I feel for B, I was alone too when i found out and you have a million things running through your mind at once, I am sure parenting in general is going to require lots of therapy for her due to her issues with her own parents.

  • Lisa in Oregon

    OMG! I loved your Sonja recap! She is going to be hilarious to watch!! I had no idea she was coming either. No preview of her last week. Nice surprise. I can’t wait to see the jealousy on all the other girl’s faces. She is quite impressed with her little self.

    LOVED watching Ramona on the catwalk! I Tevo’d so I could rewind and watch it over and over. Still funny!!

    And did you see Jill on “Watch What Happens?” trying to justify her actions?! Hilarious!!!

  • Pamela

    LOL…you are hilarious! This recap was too funny…I’m hooked on your recaps now. I like how Jill told Ramona “You need to leave” just like she did to bethenny last season at some event she hosted (I cant remember exactly what). And did you see Jilly on watch what happens?? I saw it during commercial breaks that she would be on so I just had to watch…Did you see cohen give him some harsh questions? LOL…I loved it. And I love how she had to bring her mother on the show…cos she knows how bad she looked and that we are not liking her too much anymore! Her mom actually did the same look Ramona did down the runaway but I gotta say, it looked scary on Gloria with all that pastic surgery on her face….I thought her skin was gonna fall off as soon as her eyes was popping out!

    • I did see her on Andy Cohen’s show, and WOW. He seems to not particularly like her, and he actually gave her some decent questions. Every single time, though, all she could say was that you should buy her book for the answer. I love that he called her out on it and said that obviously the answer wasn’t in the book. Her mom was sorta scary, and not someone that I’d really want any advice from.

      • S

        Loved the recap! And I too love the element of Sonja. The others were boring me. And I’m so tired of Bethany playing the martyr. I’d feel more pity for her if she were a tad a bit merciful last season. She called Kelly a “piece of you you know what’ last season. And her whole reason for hating Kelly intially was because Kelly doesn’t say hi to her at parties and apparently is too bohemian for Bethany’s liking. I watched Andy quizzing Jill and I didn’t feel he was more harsh than he is to anyone. Andy is secretly a catty girl. Seriously. He’s like that to everyone, but then he says he loves them in the next sentence. And it looks like Jill is going to apologize Bethany. Can’t wait to see how Bethany reacts: http://www.bravotv.com/watch-what-happens-live/videos/why-isnt-jill-taking-her-own-advice

  • Ivanna

    Wonderful recap, I’ve been anxiously waiting for this episode all week because of Ramona, when she came down the runway I almost died, she’s starting to grow on me crazyness and all. Jill needs to grow up seriously does she know how old she is, you know she was the unpopular girl in high school who could’nt get into a clique to save her life so know here’s her chance, a grown ass woman telling people if your going to be her friend you cant be my friend. LuAnn I can’t stand period, not so sure about the new not actuallly a Housewife, Housewife either, Sonja, she seems even more detached from reality than LuAnn, I wonder if she’s going to be in the little clique with LuAnn and Jill?

  • Danielle

    Your description of last nights episode was directly on point, but most of all brought back my dying laughter of last night. First off Ramona is definitely on some type of drugs, because she is absolutely our of her mind. From when she was walking to the runway to fighting with Luann where she just completely turned her back in the middle of the conversation. Just completely insane! However, Ramona does add such a special element to the show! Even if you hate her, you have to love the way she just tells you what she thinks – No filter. She basically called Jill low-budget for representing Kodak, and expressed how she thought kelly was useless to kelly! Jill and Bobby in the pizzeria on what looks like the lower East Side is a complete fabrication, and a lie. Jill is going to make me
    loose it the way she talks, walks. She is just not a nice person –and please someone tell her that Central Park number she was wearing was just ridiculous and totally uncalled for. But, I did admire the beautiful bag – oh how it has my heart! And the Brooklyn Fashion show what do you expect.. you are
    in Brooklyn!!

  • Hannah

    its getting to the point where the one with the most sense is alex, and last season i loathed her and simon the most!! ramona is jealous of anyone having the spotlight but her! and bethenny is one of the one ones that actually has a job!! last season she was cooking all over the place because shes a chef, and this season shes doing book deals etc. and the other housewives can’t stand it and decided to nix her from their crew, which is immature and ridiculous.
    ramona needs to be sent to an AA meeting immediately, and never let alcohol touch her lips again, she has this terrible alter ego where she just spews out hurtful things ad nauseum in an effort to have hte camera anywhere near her. its disgusting! bring on housewives of jersey, im sick of the girls of new york and their immaturity!!!
    (fb)

  • pg1908

    ROTFL!!!…what’s so funny is I too tried to bug my eyes out like that to see what would happen…truth be told, it kinda hurts! How Ramona does it is beyond me. I second Hannah, when did Alex and Simon become the “sane” ones? First season, I completely loathed them, now amongst all this other laa-dee-dah going on…they come out shining like roses. Amanda, another great recap to say the least!

  • Nancy

    Amanda, your recaps are always so insightful. The best! Anyway, I have to recant my defense of Ramona. I was trying to give her the benefit of the doubt and thought, well maybe, she just has no filter from brain to mouth, a sort of undiagnosed tourets (sp) syndrome or something. I said I didn’t think that she was malicious. Well, I had to re-think that last night when she maliciously attacked Jill about Kodac (not that I like Jill in the least). I think Romana planned that little incident. I don’t think that was just impulse blabbing. Loved Ramona’s freaky cat walk. Loved Jill’s decription, that it looked like an alien had invaded Ramona’s body. Sometimes I have to wonder how Ramona got so far with her career. I think she was an editor at Glamour magazine? How did she avoid getting fired from every job she ever had? I mean, I think she’s been “like that” for a LONG time because even the new houswife Sonja told a story of how Ramona tried to sneak off with her dress at a sample sale!! Ramona’s got some balls! ha ha Love the new housewife too. Pretty funny how she thinks she’s kind of gorgeous. Too much crazy stuff to keep going on, you did that for me. Thanks for the great recaps.

  • Ashley

    Hahah your review is better than the actual show! And I definitely need an elevator in my house now, I can’t be bothered with stairs :)

    (fb)

  • swags

    Love reading your recaps. I think Ramona (I’ve started referring to her in my head as Hormona as I think she is hormonal) retaliates after one of the housewives pisses her off and each time the other Housewives take the bait. (fb)

    • Nancy

      Yes, I think you’re right. Jill pissed Ramona off when she ditched the Brooklyn fashion show, so Ramona got her back at the Kodac event. LOL

  • Kiwishopper

    You are so good at writing this LOL I was laughing my EYES out when Romona walked on that runway, I almost chocked on my water!!! (and even DH was laughing so hard) (fb)

  • Tiffany

    That was a good episode…on a fashion note..what designer bag was Jill carrying in the park with Luann? I love that bag! Fendi? Hermes?

    On Jill: I am really glad Bobby is trying to tell Jill she needs to make amends.
    Although, the deal with Ramona..I can’t believe Ramona was making such a scene.
    Luann and Kelly tried to deter the situation..unfortunately it didn’t work!

    On Bethenny: I am glad she is going to have a baby! On the pregnancy stick though..I am sure it says you are suppposed to leave it lying flat. Anyhoo..it really sucks that her dad didn’t want to see her. I think she should go on with her life and be happy for what she has now..forget the past at least try to!

    • Jill’s bag was an Hermes Kelly :-). A bigger one, too – maybe a 32 cm?

      • Erica

        Amanda, I was wondering if Luann’s bag was also Hermes? Saw what looked like the signature H but I have never seen that style before. Would love to track it down, it is a very understated but equally classy bag. Hope u can help. Thanks

  • aka55

    Just when I think I’ve conquered my addiction to the RH, you reel me back in w/ your side-splitting recap! There were so many “WTF?!?” moments this week, I wanted to share some of my favorites.

    Did you catch:

    – the expression on Mario’s face during the “re-commitment” discussion w/ Ramona;
    – how incredulous LuAnn became when Sonja thanked Jill for the Kodak party invitation (I personally think the cat fights between LuAnn & Jill for BFF honors w/ Sonja are going to be epic. I can’t wait!);
    – the # of times this week that Jill referred to LuAnn as “The Countess”;
    – Jill suggesting Ramona adopt her “smoky eyes” look for the runway (seriously, has no one told Jill she looks like a distressed raccoon?);
    – the entire Public Relations 101/102 discussion between Kelly & Jill (that one made my brain bleed “…if you want to deflate & you attack, you always compliment”. WTF ?!? I guess that’s her right as an American);

    But I have to admit that some of the most revealing moments included those in which LuAnn further proved why she is, in fact, a snake. These include, but aren’t limited to:

    – dropping the Max bomb between Kelly & Sonja, enthusiastically encouraging a detailed discussion by Sonja of her love life w/ Max. She then made snide comments about Kelly remaining quiet while Sonja talked about her affair with Max. It was kind of like a sociopathic kid pulling the wings off a butterfly, then watching it squirm;
    – later, at the same party, she encouraged Sonja to tell an unflattering story about Ramona. Very classy;
    – and who can forget the endearing words, repeated by her evil minion, Jill: “LuAnn wouldn’t be caught dead at an Alex & Simon function”.

    I have a warm, tingly feeling about the new cuckoo bird getting ready to hatch on the show. I think we’re gonna see Olympic caliber crazy exploding on the RHNYC set & I can’t wait for the collateral damage. Those nasty little shrews won’t know what hit them. Let the good times roll :)

    Keep up the good work. I remain a loyal fan!

    • All of those things were really interesting too – there was really too much this week to fit it all into a narrative arc in the recap. A moment that I found really odd but didn’t include was when LuAnn said that her ex would have a fit if he knew she was interested in a Jewish guy. I was like, really? She said it like that wasn’t a prejudice he should be totally ashamed of. Of course, LuAnn has no shame, so why would anyone think that her ex-husband would?

      Ramona may be more out-and-out crazy, and Jill may be a self-agrandizing mean girl, but I think LuAnn is easily the most terrible person on the show, which is really an accomplishment when you consider the competition.

      • aka55

        Nailed it! Well done!

        And I agree: so much from which to choose! Bravo appears to have hit the mother lode of insanity…

  • Ping

    Amanda, your recaps are so dead on and it’s so much better than the show. My gut is telling me these girls, esp Jill is acting out for the ratings. I think the Jersey crew was a riot and the NY ones came off boring next to them despite their “high society” fake airs:). So I think they wanted to stir the pot a little. Jill is dressing up a lot more this season and I totally agree with the comment that she was not in any cool cliche in high school and now it’s her “mean girl” moment. LuAnn is trying her hardest to be nouveau riche, although it’s debatable how “riche” she is compare to the real society chicks in NY:). Plus if she is so rich, how come she can’t get a NYC pad after her divorce. Bethany has several issues stemming from her relationships with her parents (not just her father! since she never mentions her mother!) but her martyr act is becoming a little tiresome (maybe she will improve after the arrival of her baby). Ramona also seems to have had “daddy” issues and alcohol is her crutch. She is a little nuts but i guess if Mario is ok with it, who are we to argue with (but I agree with Kelly that she needs to edit herself:). Kelly is just an airhead but sometimes ignorance is bliss:). As for the girl Sonja, she seems to be another insecure divorcee who needs to mouth off about all those easy to score men (it’s hardly that hard to get laid in NYC if that is what you want, esp if you are paying for it:). The truth is she can’t find another husband. It’s so easy to see all these ladies seem to have their own insecurities and surprisingly Alex is coming off as “normal one” this season! lol…looking forward to your recap next wk..On Jill’s kelly bag, I LOVE the kelly but some reason thought the black bag against her black dress did not show off the beauty of the kelly (a white one would been better and also Jill is tiny, the 32 cm kelly is big and a 28 would have been better)…

  • PhotoGirl

    Awesome recap!

    Did you notice that during their walk in Central Park Jill told LuAnn that she had “atoned in her head.” Bwahahahahah!!
    I was raised Catholic and even I know better than that!

    She’s really a piece of work.

    Loved Sonja. Can’t wait to see more of her.

  • JenG

    I know I am probably the only one who likes Kelly, but I think the reason some of the Housewives don’t like Kelly is because she doesn’t take any crap from them. Kelly don’t care if they like her or not and will not tolerate crap from them. I don’t know what happen to Jill this season, but I still like her and LuAnn. LuAnn went through a highly public divorce and I don’t think she has recovered and that is the reason she would even mention her ex-husband’s name in any sentence. I am very happy for Bethenney and I have always like Alex and Simon, even last season.

  • Tiffany

    oh btw..I couldn’t bear to look at Ramona coming down the runway! I really closed my eyes!

  • mochababe73

    I really don’t like Sonja. She is a bit too whorish for me. I am not saying that I am or was angel, but something about her has rubbed me the wrong way. Over the course if the show, I may change my mind.
    Jill is a spoiled brat. Since I’m a teacher, I have only used these words to describe children. Apparently, Jill is acting like a child.
    Did we really need to see Bethenny popping a squat on the toilet? I wonder if she knew that they were filming her on the pot.
    LuAnn is getting a bit ridiculous.
    The Ramona Coaster has not changed its course. I couldn’t believe how nasty she was to Bethenny last week now to Jill this week. I used to like her, but now she’s just going a bit too far. I often tell my first graders that they don’t have to say everything that’s on their mind. It’s okay to be quiet.
    Maybe, Ramona and Jill need to join my first grade class and learn something.

  • ellen

    Ramona definitely has “Borderline Personality Disorder. ” Look it up. No filter at all. This season she is more disturbed than ever. The alcohol only fuels the other issue.

    Your recaps are fantastic, by the way.

    Several of the cast members have deteriorated so this season (Jill, LuAnne especially). No class at all. Money and possessions do not automatically qualify one as “classy.”

    I totally agree that Alex is the sanest among the group and really knows how to diffuse difficult situations. However, this might make her “boring” to the producers and might spell the end of her after this season. Is Sonya a replacement housewife?

  • Bagolicious

    All I’ve got to say is that if these heffas are “High” Society, then give me, “Low” Society. It just goes to prove that money doesn’t buy one “Class”. Umph…umph…umph….

  • Teri

    I don’t like the new ‘housewife’ because she is the kind that you can dress up, but you can’t take anywhere…like Ramona.

    She is too slutty to be in the group. I don’t care how much money she has, it won’t buy her class….

    I have more class than her, and I don’t sleep around…

    She’s a slut, I hope they get rid of her…

    • Mochababe73

      Amen!

  • Karla

    Sometimes I think your recaps are better than the show! :D (fb)

  • goldie

    the new HW was a bit random for me too but i think she can spice things up a bit! wonder if someone will now be leaving? (fb)

  • Tiff Chao

    I’ve only seen a couple episodes of the season’s show but I might have to tune in again after reading your recap. Sonja sounds like an interesting character. (fb)

  • Sher77

    Thanks Amanda. You are the a very talented writer. On Andy’s show after RHONY, he really wasn’t feeling Jill or her Mother, who really did not want to be on that show!! He did the best he could, but Jill was all about selling that book and her poor Mother just seemed embarrassed, confused—— who knows.

  • Nancy

    Did you notice when Jill and Luann were in the park, the lady on the bicycle lurking in the background? I thought it was so funny, sorta like a bad Saturday Night Live skit. She was everywhere Jill and Luann were at, just lurking in the background staring.

  • marian t

    good recap (fb)

  • BLynnT

    hilarious! (fb)

  • bisbee

    Spot on, as usual!

    • bisbee

      (fb)

  • kemilia

    Can’t stand Sonja but can’t wait to see more of her anyway.

    And I waited and waited for Ramona’s catwalk and was not disappointed–those eyes, that expression, just wonderful!

    Thank you for another great recap, it’s like I am watching it again, sans the Tanq & Tonic.

  • Shellie Simpson

    I get the feeling Sonja is trying to be the Samantha of the show! We get it…you like sex and your not too old!!

  • Danieli

    Your recap is always tops to get to and read every week, hilarious and so well done!! So I remember last season when LuAnn told Ramonacoaster that she has CRAZY eyes, and Ramona said, “no I don’t, I do NOT have crazy eyes”……………….Really?!

  • Adrienne Zedella

    can’t wait for the rerun of this one and the next episode as well (fb)

  • Deborah Curran

    Having lived in NYC many many years I find this show to be an insult to those of us that lived there. Sorry (fb)

  • Joy Park

    Definitely agree with Klara!
    Your recaps are just simply amazing!!
    (fb)

  • Adrienne Zedella

    don’t like sonya – she’s full of herself (fb)

  • faith24

    your recaps make me want to start watching the show (fb)

  • Jacqueline

    I wish I had access to this show (fb)

  • Jocelyn

    I don’t watch RHONYC but at least whoever said they’re not a pregnant type of person knows they aren’t :) (fb)

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