The Real Housewives of New York City just aren’t much for subtlety or tact, are they? Last night’s episode was all about messages delivered badly, and when these women screw something up, they go whole-hog, so to speak.

Whether those messages came from soulless gossip bloggers, toothless psychics or Alex, blinded by rage and on a kamikaze mission to humiliate Jill publicly, they were all delivered with a lack of finesse that would have been more startling if only we didn’t already know these awful people so intimately. And, for once, none of the verbal diarrhea came from Ramona. In that regard, last night’s episode probably counts as a minor miracle. Someone get the Pope on the phone.

There was no stupid dog poop scene to start this episode, so the drama began immediately. Bethenny’s pregnancy, which had been a secret so far, was outed well before the end of her first trimester by soulless, sniveling gossip merchant Perez Hilton. One could make a very convincing case that he is among the worst people on the face of the planet and you wouldn’t find much in the way of disagreement from me, so suffice it to say that I was suitably horrified (but not at all surprised) that he would do something like that.

Bethenny isn’t exactly 25 anymore, and any pregnancy is at risk before the end of the first trimester. That risk only increases as the mother gets older, and it’s positively cruel to announce a woman’s pregnancy before she’s even comfortable letting the baby’s father tell his parents. Not only does it violate her privacy, but it sets her up to have a public miscarriage. If there’s an afterlife, he will rot and he will deserve it.

I’m not sure how he (I don’t even like typing his name, we’re going to try to stick to pronouns) found out, but my completely random, unsubstantiated, speculative theory is this: we know that members of Bravo’s production crew knew about Bethenny’s pregnancy because they filmed her taking a pregnancy test, and from there, it’s not unfathomable that one of them either might have tipped him off or mentioned it to someone that did. Like maybe someone else that they were filming. And who do we know that’s buddy-buddy with Perez? Well, all you have to do is think back a few episodes to answer that question. And also, who broke the news to the other girls by getting a Google alert that somehow no one else happened to get?

Speaking of Jill, she wants to have a party. A holiday party! With ice-skating. I can’t wait until this party actually happens because I already have the best picture EVER to use for the recap, but until then, I guess I just have to tell you what’s going to happen at said party: Iceskating. Pigs in a blanket. Lamb chops, but only so that she can feed the extras to her dog. Chicken fingers. Cupcakes that she’ll strong-arm someone into giving her for free. Jill is so classy. In order to prove that fact even further, Jill later went to a talk that LuAnn was giving about manners and heckled her from the audience.

Also exuding class is Sonja, of course. Her on-camera visit to a plastic surgeon to remove an objectively tiny “pooch” made me think that there must be some sort of contractual obligation that requires all new housewives to appear at a plastic surgeon’s office early in their first season on the show. We saw Alexis getting Botox in her second episode as an OC housewife, and Tamra got her boobs re-done in her first season as well. I guess until they have established personalities, the new women are required to perform stunts for the cameras in order to get camera time.

Among Sonja’s stunts was a visit with a psychic named Roberta. Roberta may or may not have had all her teeth, and, uh, I’m going to err on the side of “may not.” Sonja loves her because she feels like Roberta doesn’t take advantage of her in the same way that, like, plumbers and lawyers do, because psychics are always on the up-and-up and it’s totally safe it give your money to one. In fact, Sonja offered to get her a deal with her surgeon for a boob lift, but did not do the obvious and offer her, you know, some false teeth. Also, if she’s psychic, why didn’t she know that her teeth were going to fall out? That is only one of the many questions that I’d like to ask of the toothless psychic.

Wait, wait, we’ve gotten away from the point of this episode (to be fair, however, the episode got away from the point of the episode for a while. Not my fault!). Bethenny’s baby is the point. Given the opportunity to share a bit of the glory, Jill apparently commented to the press about the rumors and Bethenny found out about it, which pissed her off since they’re not even friends anymore. She called Alex to let her in on the “secret” and vent her frustrations with Jill’s media-whoring, and also to ask Alex to give her a message. The message, unsurprisingly, was that she’s done with Jill forever.

I’m not sure exactly why Bethenny felt the need to reiterate that message, particularly since Jill’s idea of mending their friendship involved making sure Bethenny isn’t invited to an upcoming charity event that LuAnn is throwing, but whatever. Sshe asked Alex to do the honors of delivering it at an upcoming event, and from that moment on, Alex was like a woman possessed. She would do her duty and she would do it well! And publicly! And it would sting.

Alex delivered Bethenny’s message in the most horrific and awkward way possible: in front of all the other housewives (and half of Kelly’s butt, since it was hanging out of the bright orange underwear that she was wearing as shorts) at the launch party of Ramona’s skincare line. Alex delivered the line so loudly and with such build-up and fanfare that I thought she as going to require Jill to play charades to figure it out. Knowing what was coming, I started to feel bad for Jill for like a second and a half, but then I didn’t, because it’s physically impossible for me to feel bad for Jill anymore.

If you’ve been following along at home, however, you know that Alex’s delivery of Bethenny’s message had a lot more to do with Alex than it did with Bethenny. Instead of the aside that Bethenny intended, it turned into a public evisceration because Alex hates Jill and her fake-niceness and passive-aggressiveness and behind-your-backness as much as all of us do. Not only that, but Jill has insulted her children, so a little bit of rage is probably merited. It didn’t make Alex look great, but I get the idea that Jill has pushed more than a few people as far as they need to be pushed, and she’s one of them. I’m glad she grew a backbone, even if she grew it in an way that was probably a little unfortunate.

Come to think of it, that’s probably the best word for this entire episode: unfortunate.

Share Your Thoughts With Us

  • bf

    I loved watching Jill while she awaited her message. She knew something was coming and boom…there it was. She seems like such a victim…poor Jill how could Alex be so cruel! I’m so glad she has such a loyal friend in LuAnn. (they deserve each other) I love it and I loved this recap. I can’t wait until next week…..can you say DRAMA!!!! (fb)

  • Matthew

    “What did I ever do to her?” Explains Jill to a T. She’s so self-UNaware it’s comical. She has no idea why in the world Alex would hate her.

    Alex should have fought her own battle instead of fighting on behalf of Bethenny, but it appears that will happen next week anyway. Nevertheless, I’m happy for Alex that she is finally standing up to the captain of the Mean Girls.

    And Jill, you seem to be really good at recognizing when someone has done an injustice to you. Take a look in the mirror and recognize when you’re in the wrong towards someone else.

    Oh yeah…and…Get over yourself!

    • Lynda Christie

      I LOVE THE HOUSEWIVES OF NEW YORK CITY… MY FAVOURITE HOUSEWIFE IS JILL,,,I THINK SHE IS SO FUNNY AT TIMES,,,ESPECIALLY WHEN HER GORGEOUS WEE DOG LICKS HER NOSE.!! I HAVE A LITTLE YORKSHIRE TERRIER,WHO DOES THE SAME THING TO ME.!!

      JILL IS CERTAINLY A GENUINE ANIMAL LOVER,THAT’S FOR SURE,,,I THINK IT WOULD BE JUST GREAT,,,IF JILL WOULD DO SOME KIND OF AN EVENT,,,IN AID OF ANIMALS WHO HAVE BEEN ABUSED,,,AND TREATED VERY CRUELY,,,AS I’M SURE THESE CHARITIES COULD DO WITH SOME HELP,,,I THINK JILL IS JUST THE VERY GIRL,,,WHO COULD HELP THEM GET A NICE BIG CASH DONATION… !!

      SO COME ON JILL,,,PLEASE HELP OUR LITTLE FOUR LEGGED LOYAL FRIENDS… THANK YOU,,FROM LYNDA IN SCOTLAND.UK.

  • MiMi

    I’ve stopped watching the show, but LOVE, LOVE, LOVE these recaps!

  • Julia

    There was a “stupid dog poop scene “… remember when Luann is a Sonia’s house. She steps in dog poop on the back patio. And wow, Jill had some crazy eyes when Sonia and Luann were “out yetting” her about Bethanny’s pregnancy. Jill was getting jealous about them hanging out. I used to love Jill but, I’m totally getting tired of her jealousy. (fb)

  • Jane

    I’m a faithful watcher of all the housewife shows. NY is my favorite. I used to like Jill… but, this season she must have say on a big stick and never tried to remove it. NOTHING is making her happy! She has to gripe about everyone. and so childishly. Sure Bethenny make a rude remark to Jill about Jill “getting a hobby”. but, that was ONE nasty comment!! Bethenny tried to appologize and was slapped down so hard. Jill then turns around and is mean and nasty to everyone in the same way she accused Bethenny . She must be very unhappy in her life to be so mean…

  • Lisa

    I have to say, I loved that Alex embarassed Jill in front of everyone. Jill deserved it. She insults Alex and Simon constantly, but insulting their kids is a really low blow. I can’t wait to see Alex stick it to her again next week. She’s had it coming! (fb)

  • Crazyfashionaddict

    Oooooh My God with those red shorts ! What the bloody hell! All I kept thinking of was bulls eye. I am going to need for the Bravo stylists take Kelly, to Bergdorfs , 5F…,Diane Von Furstenburg wrap dress section!

    Her quarter back shoulders left me covering my body for fear she’ll jump from the t.v screen to wrestle me to the ground… Which reminds me, I must put goggles on to protect my eyes from the might be impending assault!

    Was there anyone else who was screaming in their minds, at the cackling hens to shut the eff up, when Alex was trying to relay the message?

    And how clueless is Jill? Really? How clueless is this broad? She went to Ramona’s shindig because she wanted to be the better person yet criticized everything,from the decor down to the food.
    Amanda, I must apologize for last week’s comment when I misquoted that effery of Luanne’s master piece…Why I would inflict that hurt on someone, by reminding them of that tragic sequence of events which is known as Luannes song ? It was not only wrong, for me to do that, but it also was painful and thoughtless.. My sincerest apologies. You Amanda Mull , are a wonderful blogger and you didn’t deserve that.
    By the the way, I need for her to shut the hell up , with the throwing in of french words in sentences or comments that have no relation to any their discussions!

    • pocochocoloco

      I can see I’m not the only one who wanted to say shut the eff up when Alex was about to deliver the message ;)

  • Monique

    I don’t watch the show, but your recap was hilarious! (fb)

  • Ashley

    I love Jill. I think that, until this season, she wasn’t the worst of worst…but Bravo has done an excellent job of editing her to appear as a cunning, bitchy bottom feeder. But, thats what they do, they pick one and make her look like the pits. Now, all of the things she shown, were things that she has said and done, but editing can really cast heavy shadows, too–we mustn’t forget.

    I think that Bethenny has every right to feel “outed” about her pregnancy…it was bad timing and the whole shebang, but she signed up this show and she DID take a pregnancy test in front of camera crew. If she wanted this to be a private moment between her and her hubs, then she could have censored herself, too. She wanted this life, and being in the public eye isn’t always roses–you do get thorns. I feel badly for her, but everyone who has an ounce of fame will say that it comes at a price…and you can’t pick and choose was that price may when and when it comes to be cashed in. Unfortunate, yes, obviously. But alls well that ends well…she’s healthy and well pregnant and married now.

    I love the recaps…keep them coming!! (fb)

  • Cynful

    Doncha think Jill was three sheets at LuAnn’s book reading? How else could she have screamed like a fish-monger, “Annnyyyone havuh goiy fouh da Countess?” If Luann wasn’t so short on friends (she wouldn’t be riding her new BFF’s Soja’s tails – those so poochie poochie ones that will barely fit into a size -0- to fill her her Cocks, Tails, & Coochie party), she would have come down there & clocked Jill & told her to STFU!

    Alex wasn’t brave to deliver Bethenny’s Ultimotto. She just wanted to stand up to Jill but not on her on stillettos. She should have told B to call Dominos if she wanted a delivery boy/girl.

    Also, I guess when they slit Bubbula’s throat to find the cancer, they removed his tongue. There was no way he was going to get a word out on that tv show. When the red light is on, Jill takes the tarmac, witches broom & all.!

  • Kiwishopper

    Haha I love your review on the show! All of these women are so weird to me but yet entertaining enough to make me record and watch it every week!

  • Pamela

    I had been wondering what you were gonna say about the whole Jill and Bethenny feud thing going on. Seriously though…I like how she looked worried/scared/angry all at the same time when she was panicking and calling Luann to tell her the news of Bethenny’s pregnancy. Clearly, if she receives google alerts (I love celeb gossip and I read tons of blogs everyday but I def dont have google alerts nor do I care for them) on Bethenny, clearly she’s a media whore and is clearly involved with the Perez Hilton thing. They obviously work together…cos we all know Jill wants to seem like she has power and will hurt people if you cross her somehow. I’m sick of her face by now.

    And wow….I always did think Alex was like a wallflower and seemed boring and let her kids do whatever they wanted….But my opinion is changing. I now see her as a strong mom and strong woman…good for her for finally standing up..and have you see the previews for next weeks episode?? She gave it to Jill good!! Can’t wait to see it and for your recap….

    I also can’t WAIT till Monday and what your recaps will be about NJ housewives because I’m from Jersey (Ive moved to hicksville, wisconsin years ago) and sadly, I still relate to them and it gives me a dose of New Jersey that I’m missing. (fb)

  • Handbag Lover

    Too Funny, great recap. It is amazing to me how Jill is playing the victim. Just crazy! As you put it the “verbal diarrhea” was off the chain this season, by all of them. I am glad this is ending none of them have Tact at all.

    You are TOOOO funny to me! Good job. :)

  • Idealist

    UNFORTUNATE? GIRL R U SERIOUS?! lol Megs I love your recaps but I have 2 totally disagree w/ u on this 1! Alex made my night in the way she delievered that ‘message’….dun dun dun! liSo much so that I gave her a standing O! literally i clap’d 4 her! lol Jill puts others on blast in front of others all the time hince the speaker phone! I felt like Alex stood up for herself & all others who feel like this 1 person in particular is always picking on them in some ‘mean girl’ kind of way…Okay maybe that’s a stretch but you get what I mean. I can’t wait til she let’s her have it next wk! Jill deserves every embarrassment she gets! til next wk…

    • Idealist

      My bad I mean Amanda! lol

    • Haha, I don’t mean that I didn’t like what she did, I just meant that I thought she did it in kind of an awkward way. She kind of hemmed and hawed and let the others overpower her presence for a while, I wish she would have marched in and silenced everyone and eviscerated Jill in the way that she looks like she will next week. Instead, I think we watched her spine straighten right then and there, which was good, but not the best way it could have been done.

  • JenG

    I am amazed that anyone (Sonia) would go to a plastic surgeon to get lipo for no stomach in my opinion compared to what I have. And the surgeon hadn’t been board certified since 1973 and she is going to let him operate on her. Unbelievable! I too was trying to figure out what is Kelly wearing, I must admit she need a stylist. I can’t wait until next week to see the big fight of the season Jill and Alex.

  • Sher77

    I am really tired of Jill. SO TIRED. Please, we need relief. Bobby seems scared of her now. I guess being sick and being married to her, has worn him down. Alex was great. Another great review Amanda.

  • AdrienneC

    Love this show – can’t wait til next week, but am very disgusted by the way the cameras always zoom in on the stupid dog poop. Do we really need to see that?
    Do these supposedly “classy” ladies really live with poop in their homes? That is just so gross.

  • gertrude

    just like everyone else, i’m so tired will Jill, but nonetheless, i have been a fan since season 1, very entertaining!!!

  • 19yearslater

    Perez is a huge jerk. Great recap, as usual.

  • Leticia

    I’ve never even watched this show but your recaps are so funny! The quote on the title is just epic! Hahahah

  • Natalya

    This is my first time here. I love this site..You guys are hillarious!
    I agree with most of you, I used to like Jill (and her underdog LuAnne) as well. But not anymore. Jill is not herself anymore or was not as she was trying to introduce herself in the previous episodes, fake, mean, self-centered, disrespectful individual who is SO sure that she is better than anybody else. What has she achieved in this life? Taking care of her husband’s business? Writing a nonsence book with her mom? About what? How she was raised? Anybody cares?
    Was she every happy for any other girls? No..everytime they suceed in something, she is pretending being happy for them and then again..backstab comes.
    And LuAnne? How dare you telling other people whom to be a friend with? Because you are afraid that Jill will leave you and go back to B? Not genuine person, at all.
    Ramona is Ramona, nothing is going to change her, she is jumpng from one conclusion to another, she needs to be put on a very strong tranquilizer.
    Alex..I like her, go Alex!!
    She learned finally how to communicate with Jill who always downgrades and humilates Everybody.
    I like B, she tried to apologize so many times to Jill, you could tell, she was really hurt by looisng her as a friend, but Jill..just did not care..and now is time for Jill to pay.
    So, there are two teams: LuAnne, Kelly and Jill and anoter one is: Ramona (sigh), Beth and Alex..Whose side is Sonja going to be? That’s right, LuAnne will work on that..

  • godiva de maus

    well, it was awkward for Alex to have to tell her “message” in front of the other wives… but, y’know… were I to be standing in the group… and Alex announced she had a message for Jill, I would have excused myself. I noticed not a single one of the other housewives standing about couldn’t stray one inch from the action.

    And… Alex has a point. Anytime she has pulled Jill aside for a private talk… Jill has consistently side-stepped, and not owned whatever she had done. At least when Bethany gets called on the carpet by say, LuAnn, she acknowledges and apologizes. I’ve yet to see Jill own and acknowledge her mistakes (and like everyone… she does make them).

  • mochababe73

    My husband asked me, “Wasn’t she (Jill) your favorite?”
    She was until she started hanging out with LuAnn this season. Neither one of them seem to have the capability of Letting It Go.
    While I have always liked Alex, she should have done this privately with Jill, but I get it. Jill has been snide remarks to Alex about her family for three years, and she has hit her breaking point. Personally, I would have stopped that mess right away. Letting someone be horrible to you for three years is the definition of a door mat. Jill kept digging because Alex let her.
    I know that this would just put more on your plate, but will be doing the Jersey Ladies. I don’t know how you could stop yourself from commenting on that train wreck. I would love to hear your take on Danielle.

  • Tiffany

    Wow Jill has really turned into a mean girl! I know Ramona made a scene at Jill’s Kodak
    event..but When Jill was at Ramona’s skin care line..she was totally being rude and saying nasty comments about how Ramona looked on the brochure! I am certainly not a big fan of Ramona but dang…Jill was soooo rude! Also I was a fan of the perezhilton site but now seeing he spilled the beans about Bethenny..wow! I think that was low, she wasn’t even that far along and if things turned out terrible at least noone would’ve known she was..until he came along and blabbed!

    • mochababe73

      I second that emotion!

      • Lisa in Oregon

        I third that comment! Perez should have a little decency. Unfortuantely, I can speak from experience on this issue…

  • Relli

    Amanda, thank you for pointing out the Perez Hilton connection, i was screaming at the screen because even I KNEW. I have been a frequenter of the site for many years, less so more recently because its obvious he is not writing his own blog anymore. Too many contradictory ideas and stuff, PLUS i started figuring out where he was getting his info and going straight to those sites, its not hard to figure out.

    ANYWAY in the history of the housewives franchise he has always dismissed them as lame or non-celebrities stating he did not see why anyone cared about them. Then all of sudden this last summer he started putting posts up, Bethanny’s pregnancy was not the first because “someone” was saying all kinds of crazy to a NY rag. Then he starts putting all kinds of negative stuff about B and her new show and how her marriage is producer choosen and even negative tweets that Patti Stanger (Millionaire Matchmaker lady, Jill’s BFF) has written about B. So no need to say it Perez, we get that you are Team Jill. But Patti why did you have to go there. I like you and now you are lame.

    I have always loved Alex and this made my week. Awkward. YES, most definitely. But Alex is really an easy going individual and i think Jill’s comments have always rolled off her back because she has other things going on in her life and she could give two sh*ts about someone like Jill. But attack her children, watch out any Mama will tell you that mess with her babies and she will cut you. Editing, schmediting Jill is who she is, she lost me when the people from Meredith Publishing (Des Moines, IA, median income 25K) came to photograph her house and she was talking moronically about her PP (private plane) and how much she loved her PP and life isn’t worth living without a PP. Idiot.

  • otter

    Ugh. I had the same reaction on Pissrez Hilton. He is sh*t.

  • hamptonsgirl

    these women are soo annoying they are all from up the island they misrepresent real new yorkers and the hamptons

  • Bagolicious

    I don’t know how I missed this episode. Maybe, here in Los Angeles, the time was changed and maybe it came on an hour earlier than usual.

    But, I just watched tonight’s episode, back on at its regular time of 10PM.

    As for Jill, I’m so sick and tired of her and of her always playing the victim. And what nerve she has to go off on Ramona for not informing her that Bethenny’s father had died. What fake concern is that?

    Bethenny had gone to her several times and apologized about things that had gone on, but she didn’t want to hear it. And as usual, anytime that she doesn’t want to hear or deal with something, she tunes the person out and walks away like an immature adolescent.

    And then, of course, her egregious whining starts up AGAIN, trying to convince everyone who will listen to it that “she’s” been wronged. Oh, give it a rest, Jill. The world doesn’t revolve around you. Grow the heck up!

    As the “mean” girl, she has the audacity to even try to tune up and cry over anything as nasty to others as she’s been. And she probably wouldn’t even still be so tight and chummy to the “Countess” if the countess weren’t still carrying that fake title and listening to her egregious whining. Pathetic… the both of them!

  • Jocelyn

    I don’t watch RHONYC but I want to win a Linea Pelle pleeeeeease! (fb)

  • mindy

    Kelly IS a psycho, she scared me last show telling B that she wants to kill her and all other kind of nonsence, I am glad everybody can see now that she needs a mental help, NOW.
    I liked LuAnn’s reaction when her “friend” Jill told her that she is going to the island to surprise Ramona. Countess was shocked, you can tell she did not like it that now there is nobody left at her team. And Jill going to “surprise” girls? Why? Who needs you there?She just can’t stand that she is not involved to drama.
    Now they have two groups, B, Alex and Ramona vs. Countess, mean Jill and coooockoo Kelly. Whose team is Sonja on?

  • sunshine

    I have watched the RealHousewives of New York city since it came on and I loved it but this season I am so disappointed in mostly all of them…they act like kids and hold such silly grudges that don’t even make any since…They should live the real life…. dealing with the lost of a young one or anything else but they have so much ( like materialistic things ) but really…They have nothing….

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