First of all, apologies for lateness (and for the complete lack of Real Housewives of Atlanta recap yesterday) – once things get going, it’s hard to crawl out from under New York Fashion Week long enough to do any regular work, let alone write a recap that’s nearly 2,000 words long. Luckily, last night’s third and final installment of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reunion was so boring that it doesn’t need all that much recapping, so I did get a chance to write a little something.

Now that this is all said and done, I can say with absolute certainty that Bravo should have been able to edit the reunion down to two sections and still included everything that was even remotely interesting. We did get to visit with Dana-Pam (on her own chair so she didn’t give anyone cooties), the husbands and finally Kim, though, so I guess the hour of time was worth it.

1. Russell had bugged the house. He also had Taylor take a lie detector test to make sure that she wasn’t cheating on him. When she passed, he accused Taylor of cheating the test or paying off the examiner. Russell also assaulted a friend’s husband who had offered to help Taylor escape her marriage. I wonder who will get to that friend first, TMZ or Radar? Also, if Taylor really did pop her own jaw back into socket, I can’t even imagine how painful that was. I’ve had to do the same thing to my own knee and ankle in the past, and it’s horrific. And that same pain, but in your face? AHHH.

2. Dana is the most tedious person on the face of the planet. Her shoes said “F**K YOU” on the platforms and she still doesn’t understand the difference between owning expensive things and telling people how much you paid for everything you have, but unlike most of the people we see on Bravo, she fully admitted to being a New Money striver who very much wants to be part of the in crowd. Her explanation of how she grew up made a lot of sense in the context of her behavior, but it also made her sound a little pathetic. If you’re self-aware enough to explain your problem on television (even if you inexplicably continue to refer to yourself as a dude), then you’re self-aware enough to try to stifle your striving tendencies when necessary.

Sadly, no one asked Dana-Pam how her fiance makes his money or whether or not he actually exists. Those were the answers I actually wanted to hear, not about why she feels the need to tell everyone how much her sunglasses cost. I mean, I could have guessed.

3. Mauricio’s butt. MAURICIO’S BUTT.

4. Lisa gives a mean BJ.. Well.

5. Kim carried a clutch to her interview. I mean, I don’t even…what?

6. THE GREAT KIM SITDOWN OF 2012! We learned a few things: Kim is an alcoholic, she’s been through rehab three times and she has major anxiety issues for which the treatment center prescribed medication. Kim was sober at the beginning of the season but things spiraled during filming, and by the end, she was fully off the wagon. She claims to have been completely sober except for her doctor-prescribed meds at game night. Well, I guess this should all be prefaced by “Kim claims.” I’m not entirely convinced that alcohol was her only problem and I wonder if she didn’t also have trouble moderating her own medication.

Kim also blamed Brandi for upsetting her children and bringing shame and pain on her family at game night, but that’s not the kind of stuff that a fully rehabbed addict says, which makes me nervous. It’s not embarrassing to be Kim’s daughter because someone called her a meth addict or whatever it was that Brandi said, it’s embarrassing to be Kim’s daughter because she acts in a way that people can credibly accuse her of being a meth addict. Kim’s daughters’ pain is her fault, and someone who had been in rehab for long enough would be ready to admit that. Part of the process is fully admitting and owning the pain that you’ve caused to others, and Kim doesn’t seem ready to do that quite yet.

7. Kim moved out of Ken’s house and into a hotel. She looks healthier now, if still obviously medicated, so I hope she continues in outpatient therapy and that her situation continues to improve.

8. Kim and Kyle both still have a tenuous grasp of the word “private.” I don’t think it means what they think it means. They can’t shout at each other about things (like Kim’s alcoholism) on the show and then self-righteously insist that they shouldn’t be expected to further address those subjects in interviews. That stuff isn’t private anymore. They chose to make it public, and our subsequent curiosity about those subjects isn’t rude or wrong. Particularly since Kyle is the one who put Kim up to being on reality TV in the first place, knowing full well that she’s an alcoholic.

9. Kim went to rehab voluntarily this time. Her previous stays had apparently been against her will, to a certain extent, but apparently Kim found rock bottom and finally checked herself in. There was talk that she checked herself out before she was supposed to, though, and she still doesn’t sound entirely like someone who has absorbed the lessons of addiction therapy.

  • Kristen

    I found it so odd Kim carried a clutch to her interview too!! On all the episodes remember how she always had the bag in every scene, never putting it down? It always made me wonder what was in there that she had to have at all times (pills, alcohol, etc.) and then she still has it in this interview. Maybe it’s become habit? 

    • Adrienne Z

      My first impression and thought was that Kim was hiding her gut. I thought immediately that she had gained a pound or two and her dress might have felt too snug and she was covering up what she was uncomfortable with (although I thought she looked pretty good..). I myself try to hide my gut when I’m in public and feel my clothes don’t fit quite right. My purse would have been in front of me too if I didn’t have anything else to hide behind.

      • Nancy

         This can also be a protective stance when someone is feeling vulnerable.

  • NCGal

    I found all three of the reunions oddly boring given all that happened during the season. Andy really danced around these women and their real issues and chose the petty stuff that really didn’t have too much dramatic weight. The Kim interview was a huge snore. I think she’s tranq’d out and headed for another round of insanity and the inconsistencies and lies that more than a few of us believe constitute ALL that is Taylor were danced around and really not addressed. It wasn’t like Andy suddenly grew all sensitive on us; I think he was intimidated and I could tell Brandi was really exasperated too with his soft peddling of Taylor. I saw that Brandi, and to a certain extent Camille and Lisa, do not believe her. I don’t either. Not one bit. Taylor’s incident where Russell allegedly punched out their (male) friend, threw the rest of the family in the pool (including the dog? are you freakin” kidding me, Taylor?!?), and then attempted to drown Taylor, all in the same incident was such bull****, that, if I had one shred, one moment of benefit-of-doubt on her behalf, it was quickly eclipsed by that magnificent pile of nonsense. I had someone tell me once that truth tellers report and liars explain. I know she’ll be found out eventually and she’ll get her comeuppance. My sincere hope is that she will at least have the decency to put a little aside on that pulp fiction crap that she didn’t really write, so that her child will have some resources as she tries to move through her life. 

    • leanb

      Dont judge unless you have been in someone else shoes. NCGal. Grow up. Karma.

      • jomarie

        Something tells me NCGal has a pretty extensive and varied collection of shoes leanb

    • Adrienne Z

       “if I had one shred, one moment of benefit-of-doubt on her behalf, it was quickly eclipsed by that magnificent pile of nonsense.” —– LMAO!!!!  That’s probably the greatest sentence I’ve ever seen on these posts!!! Lovin’ it!!!

    • jomarie

      I am so on the same page reguarding Taylor. All the footage of her daughter is deeply disturbing as well. Children should not be as wretched as Kennedy looks. I sincerely hope this therapist fellow removes her from this sick situation.

    • Nancy

      I read in another article (maybe the Beast piece that someone posted a link to last week?) that this entire story cannot be confirmed – since Russell is no longer living, one would think these people would come forward to support Taylor’s claims…

      Also, I just have to say it – why is it that Taylor is “allowed” to throw Russell under the bus over and over and over again, open the door for others to throw him under the bus, but when Brandi speaks up to the contrary, it’s “off limits” because Taylor suffered a loss.  The loss of the husband she loved?  The one who she just moments ago said he had a weird personality and was a narcissist?  This comment, by the way, was very funny.  Is that what Kyle’s talking about?  I’m so confused…

      But the item that really was over-the-top, was when Taylor said that Russell was going to make her have an abortion if she was carrying a boy.  (I know it was last week, but I’m still stunned).  This is when you leave and sue for child support.  And yet she didn’t.  I find this claim to be beyond the pale, and immediately felt, “Ok, now she’s pulling this stuff out of the air.” (except it wasn’t air – it was ass).

  • Maryann

    Very well put NCGal.  For the longest time I bought into Taylor’s abuse story (even though I can’t stand her.)  Now I think she is basically just full of it, a liar.  I can’t even bear to look at her and that mouth.

    I love Brandi.  She really came out on top making Kyle look petty and mean spirited.  

    • NCGal

      Thank you, Maryann.

      • JJ

        I read a lot of different recaps about this show, and almost everyone said the same thing about Taylor. She has finally, without a doubt, proved herself a sociopathic (sp?) liar.

        I don’t think that you should judge people except that they go on this show KNOWING that everything they do and say will be analyzed. Don’t open yourself up to criticism, especially when you’re a pathological liar, and not expect to be called on it. But, she’s saving lives with this book! The one she wrote within months of his death! The one that was clearly NOT written for money or fame or attention. What a f-ing creep.

      • Nancy

        Let’s be honest.  People judge.  It’s a thought process.  Go to the market, look at the price of bottled water.  Compare to another brand.  Make a judgement.  This “don’t judge” stuff is the preaching of Kyle/Taylor, two people who have plenty of reason for not wanting to be judged.  Don’t want to be judged by a country of complete strangers?  Don’t be on a reality show.

  • Adrienne Z

    Hmmm…  I wonder what Russell was wearing while he was hiding in the bushes. I also wonder when Taylor had time to talk the couple out of pressing charges against Russell….wasn’t there an ambulance involved? I thought she said the guy had to go to the hospital and have at least $10,000 worth of surgery. Was she in the ambulance begging him not to press charges? Would not the wife who got pushed into the pool be immediately on the phone with 911 as soon as she got out of the pool? How could Taylor talk two people out of pressing charges after complete chaos and her being near death from drowning at a lunatic’s hands?

    How could an advocate of DV against women NOT make the call herself to police when her abuser is NOW attacking her friends? Did she not have the witness/victims right there? Would THAT not have been the last straw? What the….?!!! She wasn’t sure she and Kennedy could survive without him? $60K for a kid’s birthday party could have been well-spent elsewhere as I mentioned in last weeks post. She could have moved across the country on $60 thousand! EASILY! There’s no excuse because there was no reason for her to leave. She’s making it all up!! She sure is a conniving pathological, delusional sociopath and seems to be getting more preposterous by the minute.

    Do I believe she was being tape recorded? Do they make tiny tape recorders that tape all day? I know that they make voice-activated tape recorders, but it must have taken quite a bit of time, technology and money to rig the entire house with sleuthing devices. Wouldn’t somebody have known about it? Was Russell a tech genius? Did he rig all this stuff up and have it all work by himself? Where are these tapes now? Would they not collaborate her story?

    The housekeepers found tape recorders too? Isn’t it convenient for Taylor’s stories now that they all signed a “Confidentiality Agreement”? Taylor was shocked when Kyle admitted her housekeepers didn’t sign Confidentiality Agreements. What exactly is it that Russell and Taylor had to keep so secret that they had their help sign those documents?

    Taylor shouldn’t have to snap her jaw back over a toilet (or was it in bed?). anymore. After all, snakes have no problem getting their jaws back in place after devouring their prey. She should have had plenty of practice after digesting her victims by now. I’m pretty sure it popped out by itself in Vegas while she was watching the strippers with so much “I’m so innocent I’ve never seen this before” enthusiasm a couple of times while she was digging into Lisa with her claws. I think it was caught on film once or twice.

    • NCGal

      Spot on as usual, Adrienne!

    • NCGal

      Well said, Adrienne…spot on, as usual!

    • Tanya123spa

      I thought I was the only one who found that whole story ridiculous.

    • jomarie

      Beautiful imagery. So aptly applied.

    • Pam

      I agree with your assessment of Taylor.  No wonder Russell had her take a lie detector test, given her history of embellishment.

    • tata

      I totally agree with you on Taylor. Look at Rhianna and how she handled the issue… totally different from Taylor. Even when she went public with her story to help other victims, she felt vulnerable, sad and almost ashamed of what happend. Now, I DEFINTELY DO NOT BELIEVE victims should be ashamed in any way. But it is a natural response of someone who has been through abuse. And part of the therapy is learning that it is nothing to be ashamed of. Now Taylor learned that lesson pretty fast, found “her voice” and now can’t stop talking about her story to the whole world… i just don’t buy it. I know what victims of DV look like and Taylor does not fit the profile.

  • leanb

    Did you guys see the picture of her eye on TV. Calling someone a liar in that situation is just more abuse. Really sad and sick thinking. I would challenge you to go to a domestic abuse home, maby talk to a therapist.

    • jomarie

      been there. my eyes were not as descretely blakened as Taylors’ much more swelling involved as well. not pretty.

    • tata

      yes been there too. and taylor’s behavior on camera is NOT that of an abused woman.

    • Nancy

       Taylor’s eye, as she finally explained, was a result of surgery.  She was not bruised from being hit. 

  • jomarie

    Completely agree with your assesment of Kim’s lack of rehab insight. I also thought she seemed a tad over medicated. Well it’s a shame but it can’t be easy trying to be returned to sanity while maintaining a manufactured TV persona. Don’t get me started on Kyle.

  • Kmostl

    This is the Purseblog and no comment on that silver thing Kim had a death grip on? They don’t call it a clutch for nothing, you know. ;)

    • AmandaMull

      I mentioned it! It’s in the recap.

  • A Reader

    I thought the clutch was a security blanket of sorts. When you feel that you’re falling apart, sometimes it helps to have something to hold on to. I ended up feeling sorry for Kim and hating Kyle even more. By getting her to join the RHBH cast, she really pushed her sister over the cliff. Bitch.

    • Kmostl

      Feeling sorry for an alcoholic is the most counter productive thing you can do. Three months in rehab plus two previous failed attempts does not a recovering alcoholic make.
      I felt extreme concern for her. She may have gained weight but the deer in the headlight look gave it all away.
      I don’t know how this travesty of an interview came about but highly doubt any legitimate addiction counselor would have recomended such a public airing so shortly after discharge from a rehab facility.
      She looked fragile and not sure of herself. Red flags.
      I enjoy the housewives as mindless drivel but as a nurse felt there was something very wrong with this. No one had much interest in her recovery and Kim obviously had liitle insight herself into whether this was in her best interest. Another red flag.

      • Mary

        Once again, Kim being exploited. Stop the insanity! She is clearly not well, she’s still abusing a substance of some kind. I wish her family was looking out for her best interest, but if they won’t, Bravo should.

  • Nancy

    Kim do look fuller in the face and she may have lost her usual make-up guy with nary a frost to be seen.  But I really got the feeling she had a little visit with Paul.  Anyone else notice her lips?

  • Adrienne Z

    did anyone notice that on the Extra Footage show, when Taylor and Adrienne were in the coffeeshop discussing the godmother issue, at the end when Adrienne proposed a toast to friendship and the “new” Taylor, they clinked cups and Taylor’s cup was completely empty?