Real Housewives of Beverly Hills recap Season 3 Episode 16

As Real Housewives of Beverly Hills stumbles toward its eventual season finale, it continues to be a show without a real narrative. Brandi’s issues with Adrienne and Paul have stayed resolved. Taylor, who we were accusing of alcoholism last week, wasn’t so much as mentioned in passing in this week’s episode. Bravo tried to get us to believe that Kim may have drunk herself to death in her hotel room, which is a pretty bad way to try and drum up tension when we all know that Kim’s alive and well. At the very least, though, the backdrop of this week’s boring episode was Paris. That counts for something, I suppose.

1. Kyle thinks her Paris bridge lock will be there in years to show the kids. Hate to break it to her, but some dude with a beret and bolt cutters is going to get rid of that thing to make room for the next round of tourist locks in two weeks.

2. Despite the cobble stones of Paris, everyone still wore heels. Vanity, thy name is Real Housewives. Lisa, notably, had no apparent problems with her stilettos. Kim wore wedges, and Kyle wore heels and complained about it. No one wore flats except Ken, who was also wearing a leather blazer and carrying Giggy (in velvet) on the group’s shopping trip. In addition to Lisa’s closet, I would also watch episodes about Ken’s and Giggy’s.

3. “Is Kim drunk?” is everyone’s favorite topic of conversation. After Lisa and Ken had somehow ditched Kim for Yolanda (a trade up, by all measures), they sat down on a picturesque Paris bench to discuss whether Kim was loopy because of prescriptions, booze, prescriptions AND booze, or just because Kim is inherently loopy. Or, you know, maybe jet lag? That’s a thing people have when they switch continents, even non-alcoholics and people not on reality TV. I hear that it has symptoms that include grogginess and mid-day nappy times!

4. Bravo tried to pretend like Kyle and Yolanda might find Kim dead in her hotel room, for drama’s sake. Like TMZ wouldn’t have had the story six months ago if Kim was dead. Or like people wouldn’t have noticed at some point that Kim wasn’t doing any pre-season press for the show. Or that she hadn’t written any Bravo blogs because she’s dead. The Internet would know these things. I get a press release from TMZ if a Housewife so much as sneezes on someone at a restaurant.

5. Kim’s crying from last week’s preview was about Lisa being mean. Lisa seemed to be coming from a good place, but she also has a tendency to mother people and stick her nose into other people’s problems, and because she’s never been in Kim’s place, she probably didn’t realize that it would be best to skip the jokes. Brandi actually did a great job of explaining why everyone should just back the hell off of Kim, but Lisa still poked around at what was going on when Kyle came inside the cooking lesson.

6. The chef teaching the cast’s cooking lesson was American. Because every girl’s vacation dream is to go all the way to Paris to take a cooking class with a goateed dude from Missouri.

7. While shopping, they all pretended to be shocked by the prices of things they can buy in the US. Those were, like, Valentino and Lanvin bags. I’m pretty sure they sell that stuff in Beverly Hills, and the price would even look lower in euros! Also, buying stuff in France is great because when you leave, you get the VAT back. Real shoppers know that stuff, and if these people purport to be real shoppers, I don’t want to see any shocked faces.

8. Ken and Mauricio’s Segway tour of Paris could have been an episode of its own. But only if they got a tiny Segway for Giggy. Also, Mauricio earned back a few points last night by surprising Kim with the Stella McCartney bag she had been eyeing in a boutique. As acts of brother-in-law kindness go, that’s pretty good.

9. Why does Kyle think that Lisa should be friends with her like the old days? Kyle has openly conspired with Team Adrienne and said all manner of nasty things about Lisa behind her back (but in front of cameras), and as far as I can tell, Lisa is still perfectly civil, at times even friendly, to Kyle when they interact. Does Kyle think she can pinky-swear to be nice and that they’ll go back to braiding each others’ hair and talking about boys? In adult friendships, if you screw up and do mean things, sometimes you don’t get to go back to the friendship exactly as it was before. Lisa isn’t unfair for not wanting to be close to Kyle. Who would want to be close to Kyle under those circumstances.

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  • Guest

    I believe that Yolanda wore nude or salmon-colored flats to the boutique where Mauricio bought Kim’s Stella McCartney bag.

  • laura

    I agree with #7. why would a woman who lives in Beverly Hills and drives a Maserati be shocked with the prices of a boutique in Paris? it doesn’t make any sense. Kyle is becoming more and more annoying.

    • http://twitter.com/MsNancyMitford Naunceling

      Kyle does not, nor has she ever lived in Bev Hills. They live 3 blocks from a loud freeway near Sherman Oaks. She was raised in Encino. Her clothes are awful and NOT couture.

      • sebastien

        This is the read of the week

      • Reality Junkie

        But Kyle was “born and raised in Beverly Hills”….did you not get her memo?! And despite her claims, she has the fashion sense of a 12 year old. I cannot wait to see the overpriced garbage she sells in her “boutique” that unfortunately Bravo will force down our throats.
        It looks as if Adrienne is going to miss the Reunion and probably not be a cast member in Season four. I am fine with that, but please, Andy Cohen, DO NOT BRING FAYE RESNICK on! That Zanuck woman is boring as hell and I hope she’s out, too, but any more Faye and I think I’ll have to say goodbye to RHOBH for good. Amanda is so right about this being a season without a narrative or any excitement or fun whatsoever. I fell asleep twice during last night’s episode. ow that Nene Leakes is in LA, why not make her a crossover castmember? She’d spice it up a bit!

  • Winterpenny

    Segway scene made the whole episode watchable. Without it, this would have been a waste of an hour. I take that back…I enjoyed Yolanda and Brandi exercising…something tells me that I don’t look like that when I jog. I also liked the scene when Mauricio gave Kim the bag. It made me dislike him less!

    • LuvelyJubley

      Everything Winterpenny said.

  • jomarie

    In Kyle’s family vicious verbal abuse is not unusual and afterwards everyone realigns themselves into their constellations of co dependence once again. Lisa is not a member of Kyles family and has different expectations for human relations.

    • http://twitter.com/80nine CAME?ON

      ^THIS

  • SherryAva

    I love Lisa but I think Kyle is right about Lisa using Brandi against Kyle. I love Kyle and Lisa together because they are both intelligent and fun. No matter what anyone says, Brandi seems no more intelligent than my 13 year old niece. I’m not trying to be mean but there is something underdeveloped in Brandi’s personality. Maturity? Intelligence? Not sure what. Brandi seems to be Lisa’s pet, whereas Kyle was always her equal. Don’t get me wrong, Kyle too has her flaws. But even the way Brandi interacts with Yolana -it’s like she is her kid. Something about those relationships just rub me the wrong way.

    • Guest

      Kyle, has never been Lisa’s equal. She’s not witty nor clever and uses mean girl tactics to fight (i.e. faye, mauricio, and other friends). If anything kyle is a follower. She wants to align herself with the “cool” people so she seeks acceptance. She has absolutely zero depth and will even throw her own sister under the bus when convenient.

      • bisbee

        Exactly!

  • twirler

    kyle is awful. she has a great figure for a woman her age but nothing she wears is flattering or has any taste- it makes her look heavier than she really is. someone please tell her she’s not 18 anymore!

  • Kristina

    In reference to #9 and the general tension that Kyle has perceived between her and Lisa, I cannot think of a more ridiculous or inappropriate place to bring it up than the Eiffel Tower. But then again, I also thought the amazing scenery of Lisa’s terrace was wasted on a petty argument (part 1 of this exact same conversation) between the two of them.

  • Charisse

    I just saw on TMZ, don’t judge me, that Adrienne is opening a restaurant two blocks from Villa Blanca. ICK! She is a total sleazeball & delusional if she thinks her newest dig at Lisa is going to fool anyone. Goodbye Adrienne – please disappear on the broom you rode in on!

  • mellowmell

    I also thought bringing the dog into a cooking glass was unsanitary. LOL I like the idea of Nene Leakes crossing over from Atlanta to Beverly Hills. It would be hilarious!

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