Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

For a long time, I held out hope that maybe, if we waited long enough, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills would give us some sort of juicy B-plot to fill out the season, beyond just the Adrienne-Brandi fight. At this point, it seems as though that was all a pipe dream, and producers will be content to let us listen to people argue about whether or not a letter was sent for the duration. That’s too bad – Taylor’s destructive behavior would have been a good addition, had the notion been pursued earlier in the season when she was threatening to throw bows on Brandi. Or, you know, I’d settle for spending 15 minutes per episode touring a new part of Lisa’s house. Somehow, no one at Bravo has thought of that yet.

1. Are plastic surgery-unveiling parties a thing? Or did Kim make that up? My initial impulse is that it would work better for something like a nose job than breast implants or, god forbid, a labiaplasty, but I guess you never know when it comes to reality TV. Taylor would probably sign up to unveil her very soul if it got her some additional camera time. Kim, to her credit, is probably the owner of the most subtle and tasteful nose job on all of reality TV. Of course, when your chief competition is the cast of Shahs of Sunset, that’s kind of damning her with faint praise. But still, nice work. Despite Adrienne’s constant protestations, I doubt Paul would have done any better.

2. Speaking of Taylor. She abandoned her kid with Kyle (once she found out that her kid was with Kyle to begin with, which she did not know at the outset of the phone call) in order to hop on a plane and go to Beaver Creek with some guy she’s known for 48 hours. While calling to beg out of Kim’s pool party, she sounded drunk, high or both. Even Kim seemed pretty sure that Taylor was on something, and addicts in recovery sniff that type of stuff out pretty quickly. Taylor was already in the car headed to the airport before she had bothered to figure out who was going to watch Kennedy while she banged some random dude all weekend, and she only did that by accident while calling Kyle to brag about her spontaneous vacation, which brings to mind all sorts of questions: Where did Taylor think Kennedy was? Why wasn’t Taylor’s first call to the person she thought was taking care of Kennedy?

3. Lisa’s old house burned down. Adrienne evacuated her house, which is across the street, and then got mad at Paul for staying behind in their house, which was in absolutely no danger. BAD CHOICE, SAYS ADRIENNE.

4. These people still think white parties are A Thing. I’m pretty sure P.Diddy doesn’t even throw his white party anymore.

5. Add “people talking in limos on the way to parties” to the list of Housewives tropes I’m over. I’m over it like white parties are over. I don’t need to hear Adrienne and Paul reassure each other that no lawyer ever sent any letter. I already know that’s their story and they’re sticking to it, and they’re not particularly convincing liars.

6. Adrienne leaves spray tan skidmarks everywhere she goes. Also, she seems unconcerned that she’s ruined like eight different pieces of pristine white upholstery in Lisa’s house. If you had asked me to guess what Adrienne smells like in real life, though, “spray tan” would have been my first choice, so this revelation, while indicative of her sloppiness, was not necessarily an enormous surprise. I hope Lisa gives her a towel to sit on in the future.

7. Lisa and Kyle have the same shoes, but Kyle bought hers on sale. This whole conversation was a perfect illustration of the way that a British accent allows you to passive-aggressively make fun of people in ways that would be far more crass and obvious if, say, Kyle tried the same thing. In my personal experience, a southern accent works in much the same way.

8. So maybe there was a letter. During the sitdown with Brandi, Adrienne and Paul during the white party, it seemed as though Paul admitted at one point that a letter had been sent, before then claiming once again that there had been no letter. Brandi came with her file folded up inside her tiny Chanel bag, though, and she was able to produce evidence that she had paid her lawyer to respond to Adrienne’s lawyer, in addition to evidence from Radar Online that Adrienne’s personal chef had been the one selling stories about her. I love it when people follow my after-the-fact Internet instructions.

9. Suing someone for saying something that’s true is indeed a jerk move. Just in case we haven’t covered this explicitly in the past: By all accounts, what Brandi said about Adrienne and Paul seems to have been true, even if it wasn’t something they wanted to come to light. Telling someone’s secrets is not actionable grounds for a lawsuit, and threatening to sue over something like that is a clear case of rich people trying to use their money to bully others into doing what they want them to do. JERK MOVE.

10. Ken’s a BAMF. Adrienne and Paul really started to sputter and act like school children when Ken came up and joined the conversation. He wasn’t necessarily needed in the convo, and the gathering that he brought with him probably didn’t help the civility of the interaction, but I do enjoy that his own wealth allows him to stand up to bullies in a way that’s much riskier for someone like Brandi. To me, that has to be one of the greatest things money can buy you – a certain level of fearlessness.

11. Yolanda was too busy making lemonade and reorganizing her glass-doored cupboard to come to Kyle’s party. Not that I, or any of us, can blame her.

  • Winterpenny

    Kyle is totally useless! Per Taylor’s blog, Kennedy’s nanny was stopping by to pick up Kennedy’s iPad on the way to drop Kennedy off at her grandmother’s house. Kyle insisted that it would be OK for Kennedy to stay and she would bring Kennedy to the grandmother’s house the next morning. Taylor had not yet spoken to the nanny or grandmother when she talked to Kyle (obviously she was too busy drinking and falling in love). But if true, Kyle did not let on that there was a change in plans that Taylor may not have been aware of.
    And I totall agree with you on everything else. I would have to watch the episode again, but I thought it was acknowledged at one point that there may have been a letter. The only genuine moment with Paul and Adrienne was Paul’s reaction to the accusation that Bernie was selling stories to Radar Online. It totally makes sense that Adrienne would orchestrate this with her chef since at the last reunion she was the expert on selling stories.
    Ken was my hero last night:) I get the impression that he is a fair guy and that he takes special exception to rich people picking on those not so fortunate, especially a single mom. There are certain things that money cannot buy and that is genuine respect and I think that is what fuels Adrienne’s (& Paul because I think he gets dragged along whether he likes it or not) jealousy of Ken and Lisa.

  • Charisse

    BAMF – had to google that one. HA!!! LOVING Ken & Lisa right about now.

  • FallonLatrece

    I’m so over Ade and Paul this season. If there wasn’t a letter or a threat of a lawsuit why would Bravo chose not to air Brandi’s statement. There has to be some reason they chose not to air it, considering it’s been the only plot point of the entire season!!! I bet this reunion is going to suck, bc no one is going to able to talk about the one thing all season because of the threat of a lawsuit. Anyway are they even going to witness Ade’s and Paul’s marriage dissolve??

  • beans

    how could adrienne not offer to get lisa’s furniture cleaned with all the money she has? I was disgusted when she said “just use baby wipes, it come right off” THEN YOU WIPE IT OFF!

  • Ladypants

    So glad I googled BAMF after reading through. During first pass through recap, I determined it stood for B=Brit , AM = our dear recap author…fill in the rest. Great recap and I like the list style!

  • KT

    I had to google BAMF too! I laughed when he said the name Maloof Hoof made her shoes. LOL. I mean I think it’s a cute name. I didn’t think Adrienne and Paul would get so upset over it. And did you see how mad Paul got when Taylor politely asked if he’s the similarities btwn his current lawsuit situation and her lawsuit from last year and he flat out said no and even hushed her friend when he was trying to make a point?

  • Jess

    I couldn’t love Ken more if I tried. Paul and Adrienne are just gross people. End of story. And it was nice to hear actual proof that they had sent a letter, not that I believed for a second that they hadn’t.

  • Charisse

    In response to Amanda’s post #2, please read Taylor’s blog on BRAVO. Still don’t care for her but she did not hold back. Bring on the reunion!!!! Could Kyle be more of a 4-faced, back stabbing, fame whore?

  • twirler

    I really don’t understand the spray tan excuse. As someone that has had many, as long as you shower 12 or so hours after application, you should not be leaving orange/brown streaks anywhere. Does Adrienne use one of those cheaper, spray-paint like options instead?

    And agreed, Ken is the BEST. Paul only admitted that a “threat” was sent, although this basically means a letter by a lawyer. Adrienne and Paul were clearly using the technicality that a simple letter does not necessarily equate as a lawsuit, to get around admitting this- GOD I HATE THEM

  • Steph

    Amanda Love the recap, thank you for putting up with the torture; i keep watching to read you. . Few things with this season: I can no longer stand Kyle and why is her wing woman Fay always there now. I really hope she doesn’t get a spot on RHBH i would stop watching. Is it me or are Adrianne and Paul acting more lovely dovey…more of union than they were in past seasons. They don’t seem to have those spats anymore. I prefer them that way, this feels fake especially since we know they end up divorcing. I like that Brandi stood up for herself with them and brought out the paper work, and that Ken stood up with her rather than taking the Maloof’s side. Now correct me if i am wrong…but didn’t Adrienne introduce Brandi to the housewives as a friend that had just gone through a divorce or am I dreaming it? If so…It leads me to wonder what Adrienne might have been planning that she do if she seems as manipulative as she is. leads one to think.

    • Jeloi

      you are correct Adrienne did introduce Brandi

    • steven wiser

      In Brandi’s book (impulse buy on ibooks that was totally worth it IMO) she says that they had a few friends in common but never actually met until a red carpet even where they posed for a few pictures. From there the blogs started speculating that she was joining the cast, Bravo jumped on the powers of suggestion and called her in for a screen test!

      Lets hope that our powers of suggestion will keep Faye off the show!

  • Myspanglish

    Way to make bricks without straw Amanda. The show is getting very predictable and boring!
    What I can’t understand about these “reality TV” people is how they think they can change reality simply by denying that they did or said something. They know they’re being filmed right? They know that clips of them saying or doing the very thing they’re denying can be replayed over and over?? I don’t get it.
    A little Spanish lesson. It’s “Arriba, abajo, al centro, pa’dentro” (slang for para adentro).

  • metz

    Team Brandi all the way. Paul and Adrienne are the scum of the earth….just awful, awful people. The show may be scripted/directed by Bravo…..but you still sort of get a sense of who the people are. Ken, dear Ken, what a knight in shining armor. Speaking of which…..I drifted into Vanderpump Rules and those employees, although in a different way from the Maloofs, are awful as well. Stupid and narcissistic versus arrogant and lying. I am quite surprised/disappointed Lisa puts up with that crap. OK….ratings…..but if I lived in BH, I would certainly find it a turn off for dining at their restaurants. I wouldn’t want those douche bags anywhere near my food or drink. Anyway, thanks Amanda, for continuing to watch this drivel and bringing some humor to it. Otherwise, I’m pretty sure I would be done.

  • Jaime Smith

    It was very awkward to watch
    Adrienne tell Kim, “my husband would have done just as good if not better job
    on your nose,” while Kim’s doctor was standing there. I work at DISH, and this
    episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills gave me and my co-worker plenty
    to talk about. This show airs the same night when my husband watches his
    favorite primetime shows on NBC. We got a DISH Hopper that automatically
    records all the primetime shows from the local networks; this allows us to
    record up to six other programs the same night. Now, no one misses their
    favorite shows, and we watch them at a time that is convenient for us.

    • Deb

      Spam? Ad?

  • Jeloi

    I am a Lisa and Ken fan! Bravo to Brandi for being armed with her papers, and I read that RHOBH was making some cast members chops. Who will it be? I hope it is Kyle, Kim and Adrienne who get the boot!