For a long time, I held out hope that maybe, if we waited long enough, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills would give us some sort of juicy B-plot to fill out the season, beyond just the Adrienne-Brandi fight. At this point, it seems as though that was all a pipe dream, and producers will be content to let us listen to people argue about whether or not a letter was sent for the duration. That’s too bad – Taylor’s destructive behavior would have been a good addition, had the notion been pursued earlier in the season when she was threatening to throw bows on Brandi. Or, you know, I’d settle for spending 15 minutes per episode touring a new part of Lisa’s house. Somehow, no one at Bravo has thought of that yet.
1. Are plastic surgery-unveiling parties a thing? Or did Kim make that up? My initial impulse is that it would work better for something like a nose job than breast implants or, god forbid, a labiaplasty, but I guess you never know when it comes to reality TV. Taylor would probably sign up to unveil her very soul if it got her some additional camera time. Kim, to her credit, is probably the owner of the most subtle and tasteful nose job on all of reality TV. Of course, when your chief competition is the cast of Shahs of Sunset, that’s kind of damning her with faint praise. But still, nice work. Despite Adrienne’s constant protestations, I doubt Paul would have done any better.
2. Speaking of Taylor. She abandoned her kid with Kyle (once she found out that her kid was with Kyle to begin with, which she did not know at the outset of the phone call) in order to hop on a plane and go to Beaver Creek with some guy she’s known for 48 hours. While calling to beg out of Kim’s pool party, she sounded drunk, high or both. Even Kim seemed pretty sure that Taylor was on something, and addicts in recovery sniff that type of stuff out pretty quickly. Taylor was already in the car headed to the airport before she had bothered to figure out who was going to watch Kennedy while she banged some random dude all weekend, and she only did that by accident while calling Kyle to brag about her spontaneous vacation, which brings to mind all sorts of questions: Where did Taylor think Kennedy was? Why wasn’t Taylor’s first call to the person she thought was taking care of Kennedy?
3. Lisa’s old house burned down. Adrienne evacuated her house, which is across the street, and then got mad at Paul for staying behind in their house, which was in absolutely no danger. BAD CHOICE, SAYS ADRIENNE.
4. These people still think white parties are A Thing. I’m pretty sure P.Diddy doesn’t even throw his white party anymore.
5. Add “people talking in limos on the way to parties” to the list of Housewives tropes I’m over. I’m over it like white parties are over. I don’t need to hear Adrienne and Paul reassure each other that no lawyer ever sent any letter. I already know that’s their story and they’re sticking to it, and they’re not particularly convincing liars.
6. Adrienne leaves spray tan skidmarks everywhere she goes. Also, she seems unconcerned that she’s ruined like eight different pieces of pristine white upholstery in Lisa’s house. If you had asked me to guess what Adrienne smells like in real life, though, “spray tan” would have been my first choice, so this revelation, while indicative of her sloppiness, was not necessarily an enormous surprise. I hope Lisa gives her a towel to sit on in the future.
7. Lisa and Kyle have the same shoes, but Kyle bought hers on sale. This whole conversation was a perfect illustration of the way that a British accent allows you to passive-aggressively make fun of people in ways that would be far more crass and obvious if, say, Kyle tried the same thing. In my personal experience, a southern accent works in much the same way.
8. So maybe there was a letter. During the sitdown with Brandi, Adrienne and Paul during the white party, it seemed as though Paul admitted at one point that a letter had been sent, before then claiming once again that there had been no letter. Brandi came with her file folded up inside her tiny Chanel bag, though, and she was able to produce evidence that she had paid her lawyer to respond to Adrienne’s lawyer, in addition to evidence from Radar Online that Adrienne’s personal chef had been the one selling stories about her. I love it when people follow my after-the-fact Internet instructions.
9. Suing someone for saying something that’s true is indeed a jerk move. Just in case we haven’t covered this explicitly in the past: By all accounts, what Brandi said about Adrienne and Paul seems to have been true, even if it wasn’t something they wanted to come to light. Telling someone’s secrets is not actionable grounds for a lawsuit, and threatening to sue over something like that is a clear case of rich people trying to use their money to bully others into doing what they want them to do. JERK MOVE.
10. Ken’s a BAMF. Adrienne and Paul really started to sputter and act like school children when Ken came up and joined the conversation. He wasn’t necessarily needed in the convo, and the gathering that he brought with him probably didn’t help the civility of the interaction, but I do enjoy that his own wealth allows him to stand up to bullies in a way that’s much riskier for someone like Brandi. To me, that has to be one of the greatest things money can buy you – a certain level of fearlessness.
11. Yolanda was too busy making lemonade and reorganizing her glass-doored cupboard to come to Kyle’s party. Not that I, or any of us, can blame her.