Real Housewives of Atlanta

Ladies, the Real Housewives of New Jersey ain’t got nothin’ on the Real Housewives of Atlanta. If you had forgotten, let the first episode of their second season remind you: the heat down here makes people crazy. It’s 10:30 in the morning as I’m writing this and it’s nearing 90 degrees outside – you’d get upset quickly too.

Maybe I have a special place in my heart for the Atlanta housewives because all of their shenanigans go down in my hometown, but I can’t help but think that they’re probably my favorite ones. I had a brief love affair with the New Jerseyites, but their reunion left me kind of glum and unimpressed, whereas the Atlantans have never done anything but delight me with their awfulness. And don’t get it twisted – that’s what we’re all here for.

And my Atlanta compatriots didn’t disappoint in their premiere. Since we saw them last season, alliances and residences have shifted, relationships have ended, and they started things off in the only appropriate way: a fight where a grown man had to be physically removed from his place of business, lest he punch Sheree in the face.

But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. The first person we see is NeNe and her gay bestie Dwight, in her new house. We get the Atlanta news here in Athens (we’re only about an hour away), so from time to time, we get to see the Real Housewives covered like they’re actually people that matter. I seem to remember a news report from months ago saying that NeNe and her husband had been kicked out of their rented house, so it’s anyone’s guess as to whether or not this house is theirs or provided by their benevolent benefactors at Bravo. Either way, it’s time to decorate and Dwight manages to do some really awkward hand motions with a bottle of champagne in the process of making mimosas during the “design consultation.” Mmmm, mimosas… Anyway, NeNe is still my favorite. A friend of mine met her at the bar at the W Hotel in Atlanta and said she was EXACTLY THE SAME in person. It’s not an act – NeNe is actually insane. He also said that the shoes she was wearing were fierce. I would expect nothing less.

The next person we see is Kim, pulling up to the Psychic Shanty in a drop-top white Bentley. I’m willing to bet that the Bentley predates her breakup with Big Poppa (who is widely believed to be redonkulously rich Atlanta denizen Lee Najjar; Google him if you are so inclined, it’s worth a read), since Kim still has no job and currently has no boyfriend to pay her bills. She says that Big Poppa “betrayed” her, but one has to wonder what she expected – she was his mistress. Apparently the powers of fidelity are not strong in that one. But the powers of the checkbook are, so, ya know. Her psychic tells her that there is a business deal and a son in her future; I doubt the former and wouldn’t at all be surprised at the latter, if she found another rich man to mess around with. The first rule of gold digging is that the best way to keep the money flowing is to have a kid. Kim may be a moron, but she knows that for a fact. Also, her hair is looking slightly less polyester than it was last season. Golf claps. She’s looking to start her own wig line, which has to be one of the most profoundly idiotic things I’ve heard in my entire life, but she makes a cursory visit to a beauty school to check out the technical aspects of the hair industry anyway. She flees within the hour – obviously she realized she’s wasting valuable time that she could be spending trying to find a rich man to BUY her a wig line.

Another person displaced from her home is Sheree – her deadbeat ex-husband stopped paying the mortgage and she got evicted. She also claims that he’s 19 months behind in child support. If both those things are true, then that’s genuinely pretty crappy, despite my general distaste for and irritation with Sheree. They’re his kids too. Her divorce has been finalized since the end of last season, and she most certainly did not get the “seven-figure settlement” that she kept talking about; apparently it wasn’t even close, and apparently it’s being contested. Despite that, she intends to throw an “independence party” for the sole purpose of getting people to talk about and think about and pay attention to HER. She is going to hire a poet to write a poem about her and recite it for her friends. I WISH I WAS MAKING THAT UP.

And then there’s Lisa, who still appears to be the relatively sane member of the group (particularly since Deshawn was dropped for being boring and drama-free) despite some significant crazy-making at the end of last season. She wants to have another baby with her very attractive husband, but doesn’t know if she’ll be able to get pregnant at 38. I’m sure they’ll have fun trying.

Lisa’s also friends with our new housewife, Kandi Burruss, who may be the only housewife to have a legitimate, successful career and not depend on a man to fund her lifestyle. She was in the 90s girl group Xscape (with TI’s girlfriend Tiny, who has her own reality show over on BET that’s worth a look), and after they broke up, she went on to write and produce songs for TLC, Mariah Carey, NSYNC, and Destiney’s Child. She won a Grammy for “No Scrubs,” which is one of my favorite songs from back in the day and still has a home on my iPod. She has a daughter and is about to marry a man with six kids. Yep, six kids. Seems like a huge red flag, but she appears to have her head on straight and her priorities in order, so I at least hope that they weren’t by six different women. Still, visions of Jon Gosselin dance in my head…

Now that we’re updated on what’s been going on since we last saw our housewives, let’s get to the drama. As anyone that has ever known someone like her probably could have guessed, Kim has done or said something to piss off pretty much every member of the group. She and NeNe never did sit down to have that glass of wine that they promised to have, and Kim continues to talk about her around town. Sheree, who had gotten to be BFFs with Kim at the end of last season, has realized that she’s been doing the same thing to her. Lisa still hates her, and that doesn’t appear to be changing any time soon. While at Niecy Nash’s birthday party, NeNe and Sheree bond over the common hatred of Kim and later meet to bury the hatchet and join forces in plans to set her polyester hair on fire.

But the real drama is at the very end – remember that party Sheree was planning? Well, her party planner goes absolutely off the rails at her because she calls to ask some questions about accessories at the party. The show is edited to make it look like the freak out comes after just one call for clarification of the party plans, but I’m willing to bet that Sheree is the sort of client that will call you a dozen times a day, first thing in the morning, in the middle of the night, and on the weekends to ask about her party. I worked tangential to the party and wedding planning industry for about a year before starting at PurseBlog, and clients like that are more common than you would think. Sheree seems like she would be the worst of the worst – she’s resolute in the idea that the world does indeed revolve around her, and if she’s paying someone to do something, she should be able to treat them however she sees fit.

Which is not to say that the party planner’s reaction was reasonable – it totally wasn’t. He’s a grown man, and he had to be physically removed from the conference room by the office’s staff before he was successful in beating the crap out of Sheree. Forget about Teresa from Jersey – I thought this guy was going to flip a conference table at Sheree over her saying that his “connections” weren’t good enough. As Stephen Colbert would say – Real Housewives of New Jersey, you’re on notice. The Real Housewives of Atlanta aren’t here to mess around.

Share Your Thoughts With Us

  • michaelstjames

    Sheree is back and better than EVER!!!! I will be watching every episode of this season…3 times!

    http://www.bagpoor.com/

  • gigi

    I loves it! Fantastic recap as I missed it. I have set my Outlook to be sure for next week’s episode.

    http://gigisgoneshopping.blogspot.com

  • otter

    The show does not disappoint. I don’t think the party planner was unreasonable. I LOVED IT. That is my fantasy to come back at a b*tch-@ss client that is nasty, demanding and unreasonable. I say — workers of the world — stand up for your rights. She thinks because she is throwing money and publicity at the firm that she can treat them like trash. She found she was messing with the wrong queen. He ain’t no Kim Z!!!!! Some clients are just not worth retaining. Cut anyone lose that treats you like this. Love him.

  • Sarah

    “which has to be one of the most profoundly idiotic things I’ve heard in my entire life” Hahahaha, this recap was great.

  • Brigette

    Haha great recap! I can’t wait to see what the other housewives have to say about this season in Atlanta. It’s surely going to be crazy season. Sheree was wild last night and the last few minutes of the premiere was definitely the icing on the cake. I missed the midnight live show with Sheree and Andy Cohen though!

  • Lynn

    NO! I missed the season premiere?! Thank goodness Bravo will run it again a hundred times. Fabulous recap; thank you, Amanda!

  • Blaze

    “Wrong housewife left!” Should of been Kim! Other than that its great. I look forward to seeing more of Atlanta’s drama unfold.

  • I’ve read a little bit of the gossip about last night’s episode today, and apparently Sheree wasn’t even PAYING the party planner. He was throwing it for free and Bravo severely edited out a lot of Sheree’s interaction with him, making his reaction look a lot more out-of-the-blue than it was.

    I called it! And I continue to feel bad for anyone that has any sort of interaction with Sheree whatsoever. He still made himself look like an ass, but she probably deserved most of it.

  • Lisa

    Anyone know the brand of the purse Sheree had when she was getting her hair done? Loved it!!!

  • cassiescloset

    I’m glad they brought on Kandi, who is the only legitimate ‘housewife’ of the bunch. She brings in class and self-esteem that is much needed. Please don’t let Kandi sink to the level of the rest of the housewives, which includes all the ladies featured in Bravo’s Housewife franchise.

  • @Lisa it was one of the versions of the Chloe Edith bag.

  • Sher

    I love you Amanda. This Premiere did not disappoint. Be Kim’s friend on Facebook—–No kidding ! The Housewife franchise is the gift that keeps on giving!

  • Rashida

    I hope that things work out with everyone I will be tuned in every episode!

  • Anna

    This recap was so good! I’m definitely going to watch RHWA this week :)

  • Redseouls

    Anyone know who designed the long multi colored maxi dress NeNe was wearing in the opening scene? TIA!

  • PhotoGirl

    Ohhhhhhhhh boy!

    Now I know how the New Jersey ladies felt when they kept saying, ‘we’re not like that!’

    As a woman of color I find this show ultra mortifying to watch. All of the wonderful women in Atlanta and Bravo had to pick these girls??? Why, why, why?

    (That said, I will confess that I am totally taken with NeNe. This show is like a really bad accident. You know that you shouldn’t look, but. . .)

  • keeepinnnitreeeeeaallll

    Sistah Ghetto aka Sherree showed her true “ig-nant” colors fighting with the party planner over a party honoring her favorite person and topic……HERSELF!!!!
    All these women (except the new one) are nothing but very LUCKY and successful street level hookers that were able to claw, scratch, bite and suck their way onto a fancier “track” (streetcorner) and nothing more.
    I’d rather watch the hookers on the corner because at least THEY know they are just hoes. These beotches actually think they MATTER….. lmfao

  • lisa

    great recap! i disagree with some of the comments about the party planner. its his job to take calls from his clients and sheree is paying him so he should be on call for her or at least ask her politely not to call as he will provide her with necessary updates. he was a total lunatic. totally unprofessional and disgusting behavior on his part- he is in teh service industry!

  • Urooj
  • Sherriann

    I thought nothing could be better than the “prostitution whore” table flippin episode of RHNJ but this show ranked pretty high!

    If Kandi marries that man she’s crazy, even her daughter said she didn’t want her to get married…then proceeded to rattle off the names of all the fiance’s kids!

  • Knasarae

    “Who gon’ check me, boo?” LMAO!!! I can’t stop sayin that to my friends, lol. As much as I try not to watch….I can’t help it.

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  • Mary

    Love Love Love the show. The housewives do not dissappoint with all of the drama every week. Does anyone know what bag Sheree was wearing during the brawl with Kim. Looks like YSL but what kind and color.

  • Dione

    I love the show and all of the drama that goes along with it. I don’t have anything negative to say, as I’m a true fan and will not miss an episode. I mean if all of the ladies got along, we’d all be boared to tears. Those that hate, need to knock it off because you know you love it, as you tune in every week.

  • Joanne

    I hear the phrase “we are strong women” alot on the show. If loud and confrontational equate to strong…then, they ARE strong!

  • savannablu

    Everyone in Atlanta Knows that Lisa Wu Hartwell is getting her freak on, not in the closet but with a prominent doctor down in Macon. How can her husband not know…. Women like her make it hard for good women like me.

  • FrickyExcix

    yeh right.. great post, Thank You

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