You know what my favorite part of this episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta was? That it ended early enough for me to watch the end of the Ole Miss/South Carolina football game.
Oh, and that it contained a segment in which Kim correctly used the word “supersede” in a sentence. That was fantastic. You couldn’t even see her eyes following the cue cards.
Other than that? Boo, I’m bored. But I’m recapping it anyway. It’s a hard job, but someone has to do it.
First, we get Kim at her friend Cori’s house, complaining about Big Poppa and his “betrayal” of her. I’m not sure what level of betrayal would be unacceptable in a mistress-married man relationship, but whatever happened, it was a deal-breaker for her. Not for him, though, since he apparently is still sending her on vacations to the Bahamas, funding her jewelry habit, and Kim says he’s getting a divorce.
I’ve Googled a bit, and I can’t find any indication that that’s actually true. He and his wife (who is also named Kim) were on an episode of Cribs with their teenage kids not too long ago, and they were at least putting on the ‘happy family’ act for the cameras at that point. Is Kim delusional, is Big Poppa lying to her, all of the above? That’s a question for the ages right there. And we didn’t get any answers during this episode. Personally, I doubt we ever will. Lee Najjar has enough money to not answer questions. With all that money, maybe he can buy Kim a bikini top that fits, because the one she was wearing by Cori’s pool was holding on by sheer force of will alone.
Speaking of delusional Housewifery, somewhere in Midtown, Sheree was plotting to have her “independence party” at Door 44, that club that I warned you about last week. The club must be really hard up for publicity, because even the woman in charge of renting it out appeared on camera to talk about the space. My guess would be that they let her use it for free in exchange for getting their name and logo on the show as many times as possible, and I guess it worked, since I’m talking about it now.
What was even better (or worse, depending on how you look at it) than the party itself was the enormous headshot/painting that Sheree had commissioned of herself in order to unveil at her party. The level of pure narcissism that emanates from that woman actually makes me a little dizzy, but the stank faces that Nene and Kandi both had when it was unveiled were priceless. I will say one nice thing, though: the fabulous gay that does her hair does a good job with her weave. And the amount of fringe he was wearing at her party was…impressive.
But before we go to the party, we have to talk about pocketbooks. And not the variety that we normally discuss here: the vagina variety. Apparently it’s a cute little colloquialism! Who knew?
Kandi and Lisa both had sections to perform in a production called The Pocketbook Monologues, which is like a black-centric version of The Vagina Monologues. Lisa had a really boring part about meeting a dude in prison (my mom had a friend that met her husband in the psych ward, so…no judgment), but Kandi’s section about an HIV-positive prostitute that had been molested by her stepfather as a child was intense. And she killed it, no sarcasm. She even had real tears! I really like Kandi, which makes it unfortunate that she likes Kim and That Triflin’ Fiance so much.
I really like Nene too, but she acted like kind of an a-hole at Sheree’s party. The entire thing was kind of lame, sure, but so are all the parties that these people throw. That’s never stopped them before. And for some reason, Nene decided to have a royal fit over whether or not she was going to be on “Tardy for the Party.” Of course, Kim decided in last week’s episode that she wasn’t going to be, which is obviously kind of opportunistic and catty, but what does anyone expect from her? And not being on a crappy novelty song is hardly a big deal – it was Nene, after all, that was helping host the Emmy red carpet last weekend and that has a book out that a few people have actually bought.
Nene is so obviously winning this show, much like Bethenny is winning Real Housewives of New York, that I really wish she had been gracious about the whole thing. If she had, it would have made it that much more obvious what a joke the whole song is anyway, and she would have looked like an adult. But no, she had to call Kim a “monster” and then freak out on Kandi, who appeared to be acting fairly diplomatically about the whole thing. She had an empty bottle in her hand, so I’ll go ahead and blame it on the alcohol.
Plus, Nene appears to be coming to my neck of the woods to find her real daddy pretty soon. I would pass out from sheer awesome if they did an Athens episode. So, ya know, watch this space. I’ll have someone take a picture of my motionless body on the ground if that happens.
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