Last night, the Real Housewives of Atlanta took Los Angeles!
Well, sort of.
Lisa and Nene went to LA to attend Lisa’s grandmother’s 90th birthday party, which was actually cute and adorable and kind of refreshing when compared to the rest of a reality show that’s based on people that aren’t actually friends going to parties that they’re not actually paying to throw and talking about things that they don’t actually do.
And the other ones did some other things, all of which were more like the second part of the previous sentence than the first. Kim teetered into a recording studio to milk Kandi for all she’s worth and Sheree continued on her Use Your Delusion Tour ’09 by requesting to ride around in Maybachs while dripping in Tiffany jewelry and thinking that there are competent runway models living in Atlanta (hint: there aren’t).
We continue our dissections of these ladies’ adventures in profanity after the jump.
Before we venture out to California (who knew that Lisa was reppin’ Inglewood?), let’s check in with the others, shall we? Rest assured, they’re not doing anything particularly important.
Kandi, after talking to Kim for what looked like all of 15 minutes, not only invited her to the studio but then wrote a song about her. Well, it’s not really a song about Kim, it’s about her PERCEPTION of Kim, which is an important distinction because it’s more or less diametrically opposed to Kim’s actual personality and behavior. It’s called “I Fly Above,” and it’s meant to tell everyone that Kim and Kandi are too good for your drama!
For someone that’s had such a good career in such a soul-sucking, back-stabbing industry, Kandi’s lack of insight into the people that she surrounds herself with is uncanny. First she’s got That Trifflin’ Fiance, who has six kids by four baby mamas, and who won’t sit down with her mother to assuage her fears about his trifflin’ nature. Not that I think there’s anything he could say to make six kids and four baby mamas sound like it was a good decision. And now, she has latched on to Kim (or, more accurately, Kim has latched on to her), who will suck the life out of anyone with any perceived money and connections until they’re laying on the ground pale, lifeless, and without their cash.
Kim manages to ask Kandi to produce a song for her, one which she refuses to sing on the spot. Don’t worry, though! Kim will get her a copy of it “later.” And she does, over dinner (the restaurant that they go to, Stoney River, is actually pretty decent – I have a couple friends in Athens that are willing to drive to Atlanta just to eat there), wherein she also manages to complain about Nene going to LA with Lisa because, like, they’re not even friends! Ladies, I have a friend like this. She’s insecure, and it makes her crazy to see people in our group of friends make friends with each other because SHE always wants to be the one that’s invited to do everything. Somehow, people having other friends makes her feel like she’s less important. It gets old quick, and it just makes Kim look like a brat. For a moment it seems like Kandi sort of understands that she’s bonkers, but then somehow manages to convince herself that it’s not Kim’s fault, it’s just group drama in general. So what’s the over-under on Kandi realizing that she totally hates Kim? Two episodes?
And then, Sheree. Poor, deluded Sheree. Mercedes-Benz and Tiffany have already decided to sponsor some kind of party in Atlanta, and the organizers apparently thought it a good idea to ask Sheree if she would like to debut her line as part of the festivities. She wasted no time in assuming that that mean the party was going to be FOR her and ALL ABOUT her, so she had some guy who was apparently her ‘representative’ requesting that she be driven to and from the party in a Maybach and Tiffany provide jewels for her to wear for the event. Nevermind that the Maybach probably costs more than her new house. These party planners didn’t seem to be drinkin’ Sheree’s kool-aid, however. Good for them! But she’s going to get them like a fish for it next week. Gosh darnit, she wants her diamonds! She deserves ’em! In her own weird reality, that is.
An now, California, here we come. Or here Nene and Lisa come. Not me, I’m still in Georgia. As we mentioned, it was Lisa’s grandma’s 90th birthday and they trekked out to the left coast to say hi and possibly undertake the unfortunate task of visiting her brother’s grave for the first time since his death. And the whole thing was adorable and genuine and awesome, and entirely unlike the Real Housewives juggernaut in general. Lisa’s parents seem like they’re great – normal, friendly, smart people. Her dad is Chinese and her mom is from the West Indies (and Nene was three feet taller than both of them, meaning that she’s approximately eight feet tall), and they talked briefly and realistically about growing up as a mixed family in a black neighborhood. Nene and Lisa kept their sunglasses on inside the house, for reason that were never entirely clear.
And they went to the birthday party and there were a bunch of normal people (and they were Asian! Which surprised Nene!), having a normal birthday party, and looking decidedly non-crazy when compared to the likes of Kim and Sheree back home. It was charming, and I mean that in a totally non-sarcastic way. I have no sarcasm for these folks, they seemed wonderful. Lisa and her family went to her brother’s grave afterward and real emotions were had, perhaps for the first time in Real Housewives history (except for maybe that time that Lori quit the OC Housewives because her son got arrested for possession of smack. Again). And it was all very normal, and very unlike this show usually is, in a very good way.
Then they met up with a fabulous, part-Chinese gay guy on their hotel’s rooftop and told him that he should come to Atlanta and meet Dwight. And then they drank copiously, because all of these women drink like fish, even the good ones.