True confession: I stopped watching Real Housewives of Atlanta halfway through last night in order to watch college football. But I feel like that was okay, since the particular game that I was watching took place in Atlanta. A Housewife could have been there! Although, let’s be honest, none of these women seem like they have any blood relatives that are smart enough to get into Georgia Tech. I watched the game anyway.
But through the magic of OnDemand and my cable box, we have a recap anyway! And how appropriate of Bravo: as Fashion Week opens in New York City, we get a fashion show of our own. She by Sheree? No! It’s Lisa’s line, Closet Freak, which apparently got thrown together so quickly that it’ll make a Project Runway designer’s head spin.
And the other Housewives had other things to deal with. Nene has a deadbeat son, Kim has the desire to own a wig line (which I find problematic in and of itself), and Sheree had a rage blackout and missed Lisa’s entire show. And Kandi? Well Kandi still has That Triflin’ Fiance and Kim’s friendship, so that’s bound to not work out particularly well for her.
First we see Lisa primping and preparing for her runway show, and it occurs to me that it’s kind of odd that she’s feeling stressed out. She didn’t design the clothes, or create them, and she certainly didn’t have to build the runway (which was tacky, Dwight was right, more on that later). So…she turned in her guest list? Seating chart? Bueller? What’s the big deal? Maybe we’ll find out later.
Next, Nene. Nene’s son that went to college in the first season of the show is no longer partaking in such haughty pursuits, and as best as anyone can figure, he’s eating, sleeping, and helping run a once-a-week party at a club, from which he must split the door profits with “a thousand people.” Which, in any language of youth with which I’m familiar, means that he knows the door guy and gets in free, but doesn’t actually run the thing. So don’t expect to see any of that cash, Nene. It ain’t there.
But Nene makes at least a cursory effort to get Bryson back on track. Not by re-enrolling him in classes at college, or helping him find a real job, but by calling Dwight and getting him a shave and some cornrows. Small steps, I suppose.
Speaking of kids: as anyone that’s been watching would expect, Kim’s idea of bonding with her youngest daughter is shopping and buying her kid whatever she would like, to the tune of $3000. Which is an issue, since Kim doesn’t have a job, and is rather evasive about whether or not Big Poppa is still writing her checks. For what it’s worth, I’ve heard that he is, so Kim’s professed desire to start a wig line and get a “real” job is…suspect at best. But who knew that Kim used to be a nurse and a waitress before Big Poppa? Somehow I bet she got a lot of orders wrong. I said no mayo!
But there’s no going back for Kim, who now must forge ahead and create wigs, as God intended her to. So she enlists her “transfantastic,” heel-wearing, Balenciaga-carrying (well, fake Balenciaga carrying. That bag ain’t real. Lining and handle length give it away) friend Derek J to start crafting “volumptuous” (the ‘m’ is Kim’s addition, natch) fake hair that will retail under her name for thousands of dollars. And because no one on this show can do anything without throwing a party for it, Kim has people over to see her very first wig creations.
And, quite honestly, I thought Kim’s little short bob wig looked FANTASTIC. Glue that thing to your head, Kim, it’s a keeper. Sadly, I think that’s probably the only time we’ll ever see it, since Kim’s taste is questionable at best (see: the dress she was wearing at the party. I thought a titty was going to try and escape). Of course, Nene just couldn’t resist putting on a big blonde wig and pretending she was Kim, which was funny at first but probably got a little out of hand, despite my undying love for Nene (and despite the fact that her impression was pretty much dead-on). Although Kim did make fun of Nene for making herself a small plate of the food that was put out FOR the party guests, so if I was Nene, I probably would have used the rest of my time at Kim’s house to be a giant a-hole as well.
And then there was Lisa’s fashion show. Were the clothes bad? Not as bad as I had expected, honestly, but not great. And although Dwight acted like a bit of a know-it-all, I thought his criticisms were correct. What was all the crap on the runway? Has Lisa never seen a real fashion show before? And the clothes didn’t look perfectly fitted and pressed, but these folks don’t seem like fashion show veterans, so maybe they’ll do better next time. It wasn’t as horrific as previously expected, though.
And Sheree, in a fit of jealously that Lisa had managed to pull off in two months what she hasn’t been able to do in two years, skipped the show because her son apparently had some sort of concert in the middle of the night (but really because her own fashion show had gotten canceled and she’s a hater). She eventually showed up for the after party, acted surprised that she couldn’t see the clothes, and then criticized the clothing of the party’s attendees while wearing an ugly, shiny hooded sweatshirt. None of the other Housewives inspire me to use profanity quite like Sheree, but we must think of the advertisers. Hi, advertisers! According to Andy Cohen, however, She by Sheree is scheduled to debut at New York Fashion Week on Sunday. As if Sheree needed any more ammunition for her delusions of grandeur…
I feel like we forgot someone…Kandi, I guess. What did she do in this episode? Well, she spent 30 seconds with a wedding planner ($10 says wedding will never happen, she’ll find a 5th baby mama and a 7th child hiding in his basement or something) and then talked with Don Vito, a producer, about getting “Tardy for the Party” off the ground. That’s it. Yawn.
Next week’s episode looks like it might be worth something, though. We’ve got male strippers, Kim crying over having to actually sing the song that she wanted to record, and what looks to be an epic amount of drunkenness and Kim being carried out of a party. Same bat time, same bat channel, folks.
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