I’m not sure I’ve ever recapped a show that has had as unsatisfying an ending as this season of The Rachel Zoe Project, except for perhaps the season of Project Runway where that horrible Irina person won. In this finale, though, there were clearly no winners. Including us.
Despite being promised the glamour and clothes porn that goes along with the Met Ball, all we got were a few Marc Jacobs dresses and 40 minutes of baby chatter and relationship issues. Even Anne Hathaway and her perfect hair couldn’t save this episode for me, although she made a herculean effort to do just that.
The first task of the last episode was a Bardot-themed shoot for Love magazine (which is great, if you’ve never read it), and of course things had to happen immediately – no time for planning, eating or breathing. Brad says that Rachel has a hard time saying no to jobs, but I’m not sure that’s a job to which I’d want to say no, if I were her. Styling a shoot for an avant-garde fashion glossy has to be a lot more fun than picking yet another unoffensive red carpet dress.
Brigitte Bardot is a wonderful, if perhaps overused, muse, but her style inspiration provides a convenient excuse to pull beautiful clothes and give a model giant blonde hair. Despite the presence of wonderful gold minidresses and ridiculous fur jackets, everyone was kind of pissy for the entire afternoon. Brad posited the idea of calling a car service to take him home, and he and Jordan both more or less ignored Rachel while she ordered them to and fro with very little organization. Brad mentioned that he might be turning into Taylor, which was surprisingly accurate – I guess we all know where Taylor’s nasty attitude came from, and I guess it’s not just The Rodge who is affected by Rachel’s frazzled, scattered, obsessive approach to the workday.
In the next scene, Rachel and Rodger were suddenly in New York for the Met Ball, and The Rodge was clearly not amused by, uh, anything that they were doing. Rachel was attending the ball with Marc Jacobs, so I’m honestly not sure whey Rodger even bothered coming along for the trip. He complained about having to hear about The Met and the people Rachel needed to dress, and he also didn’t understand why they had to talk about fashion the entire time. He did realize he was on a business trip, right?
I’m not entirely unsympathetic to Rodger’s plight – Rachel does seem to prioritize everything else in her life over him – but why he would go on a business trip and then complain about all the business going on is sort of baffling to me, and it seemed to confuse Rachel as well. Because Rodger wouldn’t list her anymore, she went down the hall to crawl into bed with Brad (who was still sleeping) and bother him with their daily schedule. She did bring a very large cup of coffee, however, so I think that’s forgivable.
Rachel’s first project of the day was a Piperlime shoot with a styling contest winner, who seemed incredibly excited and also incredibly over-accessorized. Brad didn’t seem nearly as excited, mostly because being happy isn’t part of his storyline for this episode. Meanwhile, Joey the Hair Gay was having lunch with Rachel’s sister in another part of town, and they discussed the progress of the Rachel Baby Mission. Both of them seemed to take the fact that Rachel doesn’t have a kid as a personal affront to decency and morality, and although I’ve been watching this show for two solid months, I still can’t figure out why. Other than Rodger, who cares if she doesn’t have a kid?
Thankfully we were soon distracted by the charming and lovely Anne Hathaway, whose hair is perfect, as is everything else about her. Also, she’s actually good friends with Brad, in addition to being a client, which just makes me all the more jealous of her. If she didn’t seem so awesome, I would absolutely despise her from the pure ache of envy that she gives me deep within my being.
Sadly, the detour of wonderfulness was short-lived and Rachel’s meddling sister came back to cry and needle Rachel about babies. Well technically, she needed Rachel about being too “busy,” but that’s just code for NEED BABIES NAO KTHX. Rachel admitted that she knows people want her to slow down and enjoy life, but no one can do that for her – either she wants to do that or she doesn’t, and Rodger’s insults about her lack of cleavage probably aren’t going to make her want to spend more time with him.
Rachel’s experience being fitted for her dress for the Met Ball wasn’t much more pleasant – she had to pick one of Jacobs’ dresses to wear to the event, which was a bit of a problem since she doesn’t generally wear ball gowns, she just picks them out. Also, Marc Jacobs isn’t a traditional red carpet designer, so the dresses themselves were a bit…challenging. She settled on a deep-v mustard velvet gown that probably exposed more ribs than was wise, but it definitely fit her better than the patterned dress she tried before it. Sadly, we didn’t get to see much else in the way of Met Ball fashion.
The next thing we knew, Rachel and Rodger were back in LA and headed to the gynecologist. I’m not entirely convinced that Rachel really wanted him to come along, but along he went anyway. Once there, Rodger stamped his hand with random stuff sitting on the doctor’s desk and then denied saying that Rachel might be too old to have a baby. Rachel said that she desperately wanted to be a mother but, uh, is anyone else not buying that? She freaked out at the prospect of having a blood test right afterward, and in this instance, I have to agree with Rodger. If she’s so desperate to get pregnant, why delay a simple blood test when she’s already in the doctor’s office?
Back at their apartment, Rachel admitted that she’s still afraid of what having a baby would do to her career, and she doesn’t want to put her work on the back burner. That seemed obvious all along, so I’m not sure exactly why they had to have that conversation all over again – if the reality of the situation is apparent to a casual viewer after two months, why can’t Rodger see the writing on the wall?
Rachel apparently wasn’t clear on why they were having that conversation either, because she got up and walked outside to avoid continuing on the subject. She doesn’t want to deny Rodger a baby because she doesn’t want to lose him, but she also doesn’t really want to have a kid for any other reason. Rachel ended the show (and the season) by reiterating her commitment to becoming a parent, but I think I can speak for all of us when I say that I won’t believe it until I see the baby bump.