In case anyone was truly scared, I’ll go ahead and let the cat out of the bag right now: no one went naked to the Oscars on The Rachel Zoe Project last night. No one ever does, but the continued threat that it might actually happen seems to be what literally sustains Rachel and gets her out of bed in the morning.

Dresses were pulled, stars were dressed, Johnny Weir was fabulous, The Rodge was a total and utter buffoon for an hour. In some ways, this show doesn’t change a whole lot from episode to episode. It’s kind of a one-trick pony, but luckily I love that one trick.

Last time we saw our fashion warriors, they were in Milan and, well, they’re still there! Very little time-lapse between these fashion week episodes, eh? It was Armani/Gucci/Pucci day in Italy and Rodger ate some pasta, apparently for breakfast. Italians: do you guys really eat pasta for breakfast? If so, I’m jealous. I may even be more jealous of the copious pasta consumption than I was of the fashion show attendance. I’m on a diet, so I feel like that’s entirely justified.

Unfortunately for Rachel, after the last three shows in Milan all of her clients were still going naked to the Oscars, except for maybe Demi. It must be difficult to pick dresses for the most scrutinized fashion event in the world, particularly when you know that most of the scrutinizers don’t react well to anything but straightforward glamour. At some point during these scenes, some sort of mention was made of The Rodge and a blow-up doll or something, but I’ve blocked it out of my head because the mental picture was too horrifying.

Back in Los Angles, Rachel was yakking with Brad and Jordan about something or other, and out from the television the words JOHNNY WEIR jumped and hit me in the face. I LOVE JOHNNY WEIR. He so fabulous and unreasonable and totally himself that his inclusion in this episode made me unnaturally happy.

Speaking of “unnaturally happy,” next up was a trip to…jewelry. Van Cleef? I think it was Van Cleef. I don’t remember. There was too much sparkle, and it completely wiped out my ability to think thoughts or form words or use letters. The jewelry man had on a single glove. Single. Glove. With no irony. Admittedly I don’t shop for much fine jewelry, so perhaps that’s common, but it struck me as almost absurdist in its hilarity.

Back at Johnny Weir central, err, the office, Rachel was wearing Joseph The Chicken’s Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat O’ Feathers in anticipating of Johnny’s arrival and then Johnny Weir put on some high heels and strutted around, at which point I died of an overdose of happy right there. I then came back from the dead, and Brad and Johnny were doing figure skating poses on the floor. It was one big, fantastic, gay lovefest dunked in glitter, and I want to move to whatever planet these people came from.

When things snapped back into reality (if ANYTHING on this show can really be referred to as reality), the blue Pucci dress had been delivered and, uh, there was a feather issue. Major. Feather. Issue. As in, there were feathers, which apparently wasn’t clear on the runway. Also, Ashley was sick. Oscar time isn’t a good time to be sick, since it seemed like Brad basically wanted her fired right then and there. Kinda harsh, but for anyone who has made it through an eleven-hour day by virtue of constant swigs straight from an orange bottle of Dayquil and a $5.99 meatloaf lunch scarfed down in 20 minutes at the diner around the corner (It was also the day after Thanksgiving. INTERNING BLOWS.), the fact that she should have shown up and played hurt was already self-evident at that point.

The dress hunt continued without Ashley, and although Cameron had been confirmed for an Oscar de la Renta dress, Rachel was dependent on Versace to come through so that Demi wouldn’t go naked. Rachel showed up at the atelier to be presented with two dresses: one looked like the (losing) product of a Project Runway challenge where the contestants could only use tin foil and gum wrappers to make couture, and the other one was…heaven. Heaven in a dress. It’s also the one that Demi actually ended up wearing, and I remembered it as soon as Rachel entered the room. THAT’s the sign of a good dress.

While Rachel was later getting groomed to go to a party, The Rodge was in the background as always, pouting and whimpering and feeling sorry for himself because he wasn’t having any fun. He apparently has no problem spending the money that Rachel makes, but he doesn’t want her to be anything but pregnant, quiet and sexually available. Thankfully, Rachel’s hair gay told them both to stop being so awful, although it was mostly just The Rodge who was harshing my mellow.

Things were a little snippy the next morning too, when The Rodge was upset that someone had come to inconvenience him by cutting his hair in his very own apartment and that the Hair Gay was flipping pages in a magazine too loudly and that Rachel was on speakerphone, even though the use of speakerphone is one the the Covenants of Reality Television, as dictated by our supreme overlord Andy Cohen. Rachel finally called him out for it, telling him that all he had to do was have brunch and go to viewing parties and not do any actual work, and he reverted straight back to being a five-year-old. If he had had a ball, he would have gathered it up and gone home. As it was, he sat in the car and took a nap.

The Oscars finally happened and Cameron didn’t miss the carpet and Demi didn’t go naked, and it was all a great triumph. Brad ate some Doritos and cruised some daddies outside of Rachel’s building, and then he and Rachel had a little celebration while The Rodge continued to act irritated and roll his eyes so hard that I’m surprised they didn’t get stuck that way.

EXCEPT, WAIT. FASHION EMERGENCY. JOHNNY WEIR IS WEARING THE SAME THING AS ANOTHER PERSON AT HIS TABLE AT THE ELTON JOHN PARTY.

But before we talk about that, can we talk about the Johnny Weir Bluefly commercial that happened at approximately this point in the show (at least on the East Coast) for a second? The Balenciaga tree? I died for the second time this episode. You guys know how much of a Balenciaga fangirl I am, and he had such AMAZING COLORS. And he had Joseph The Chicken’s Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat O’ Feathers! Which he got in this episode! But not from Bluefly, so that’s sort of false advertising, right? Kinda?

Anyway, the suit thing with Johnny wasn’t Team Zoe’s doing, but Brad saved the day by referencing the perfect episode of Beverly Hills 90210 and sending a bunch of blazers over to the event. Don’t you wish you had a friend like that, who could just make a bunch of fabulous clothes appear when you’re feeling insecure about your outfit?

Unfortunately, the episode just couldn’t end on a good note. It had to end on a Rodger note. He was back again, complaining about the Oscars and how they weren’t important even though they’re basically the most important thing that Rachel’s company, of which he is the president, does all year. He also nearly backhanded her for calling him Mr. Zoe and then told her that he just wanted her to have a kid so that he’d have a buddy. HEY RODGE, NOT A GREAT REASON TO HAVE A KID THAT YOUR WIFE DOESN’T REALLY WANT.

I know that the entire thing was supposed to have a sarcastic undertone, but, uh, there was a little too much non-sarcasm in there for me. The Rodge is whiney, petulant and not terribly mature, and I honestly don’t know why Rachel puts up with it. I get the impression that she might be better off single and able to fully enjoy her gaggle of girls and gays. Wouldn’t we all.

Share Your Thoughts With Us

  • hannah

    omg i was practically running here this morning to bring up the bluefly.com commerical!!!! the balenciaga tree — I DIE!! and i laughed out loud when he was wearing that bright colored fur clown jacket that he got from rachel zoe.
    and i had forgotten all about that 90210 episode until he brought it up! i need a gay friend like that! and then he asked johnny had he ever seen it, and he was all “of course! what kinda guy would i be if i hadn’t??” hahaha he needs to stop by the rachel zoe bldg more often! LOVE HIM!

    and the second i saw that blush versace dress i instantly remembered demi wearing it, and how gorgeous she looked! my mouth dropped seeing her at the oscars, rachel is awesome!!

    and rodge needs to be aufed, he’s raining on my lustful rachel zoe handbags, clothes, and gays parade!!! hes been married to her for upteenth years, he KNOWS what her life is like! he even said himself that he is always in the same mood at oscar time, its like rachel is the man and hes the woman in the relationship.

  • Cheri

    Okay I know I defended Roger in the last post but I have to say, he was whiny as hell last night and it was not attractive…please forgive me! Clearly he needs to get a life, or a lover on the side (male or female, whatevs!) I don’t think making him president of the company was a good move, because he’s become resentful of Rachel’s success and that’s a total shame. While I do think she needs to own up to her ambivalence towards motherhood, I also don’t think she should be expected to drop everything and have a baby and he shouldn’t pressure her. His reasons for wanting a child seem pretty misguided, as if she’ll become the barefoot and pregnant wife he wants.

    If he had his own “thing” maybe he wouldn’t be such a little bitch. But clearly the arc of the storyline this year has shifted from Taylor to Rachel’s marriage which seems increasingly troubled. I actually think you’re right – Rachel would be much happier with her gays. Clearly fashion gives her the orgasms that Roger no longer does.

  • Kristen

    First of all, I was fast-forwarding through the commercials, but that Balenciaga tree stopped me in my tracks. Like rewind. Johny Weir has a Balenciaga tree. Love.

  • PhotoGirl

    OMG! The Bluefly commercial. The Balenciaga tree! I died!!

    (That reminds me: I meant to go see if it’s available on youtube. Work got in the way. Imagine!)

    Anyway, Rachel should straight up ditch Rodge and marry Johnny. They could be so happy together, and without all of this pouty baby nonsense. Rachel’s no more going to have a baby than I am! Anyway, since she’s married to Rodger, she already has a baby! No need to go overboard.

    Rodger is supremely ungrateful. I’ll trade with him: he can come to the Midwest and run my struggling little photo studio, and I’ll go out to LA, ride around in the chauffeured Caddy SUV with Rachel, have my hair done at home and work on being fabulous. I could even go to a few meetings and fire someone, if necessary. Seriously. I can start tomorrow. I’ll take the redeye!

  • PhotoGirl

    PS: Amanda, I think she puts up with Rodge because California is a community property state. Not putting up with him would be a very expensive proposition.

  • PhotoGirl
  • Kiwishopper

    Thanks for posting that bluefly commercial of Jonny lol He’s too funny and I just loved watching him last night at RZ project. Watching him then Brad, like Brad said, it seemed Brad is very “manly” haha.

  • S

    I liked Rodge when he told Rachel to get over Taylor. But here he is clearly showing signs of a bruised ego as her fame and success explode. I hope they can work it out. I think he can be good for her (when he’s sensible).
    And how come no one mentioned the fact that Sandra Bullock was wearing the dress Rachel had in mind for Cameron? I wonder if its the same designers that keep screwing over Rachel. Anyone know?

    • Elly

      We did see Sandra in the Marchesa dress at the end – Brad was over at Rachel’s watching the Red Carpet. He was on the phone with Rachel and told her that Sandra was wearing the dress.

    • I didn’t mention Sandra’s dress this time because we talked about it either last week or the week before – I recognized the dress when they saw it at Marchesa’s presentation on the show and mentioned it then.

      As far as if it’s the same brands over and over, I’m not sure – I think it probably depends on who Rachel is styling and who else wants the dress. Rachel was pulling dresses for presenters, so I imagine that when Sandra’s stylist came calling, Marchesa did everything they could to make sure the dress was going to be on the favorite to win Best Actress. Designers are in this for self-interest, too – they need to make sure that their clothes are placed with the highest-profile people possible at any given event. So I think some designers are probably sketchier than others, but they would all probably get sketchy when it came down to that kind of situation.

  • Elly

    Did anyone catch Rachel’s Birkin (not the black one) in this episode? What color is that?! I swore it was some variation of the Hermes red/burgundy but in one shot it looked almost orange.

  • erica

    This episode had my head spinning and also influenced me to amend my own blog entry on my fashion blog, prettyallthetime.blogspot.com. But enough about me…

    Before anything, can we take a moment of silence for the mere sight of Brad and Johnny in high heels??? Forget the Balenciaga tree (although who can?)
    Amanda, i know you saw that! That was more than fierce that was farosh!
    Work it guys, WORK!
    After my wedding day, that scene was the best moment of my life.

    Also, I know Rodge was being a baby (like the one he wants so badly) but I kind of felt sorry for him. Seeing Rachel and Brad talking on the couch and him being left out is kind of like being the nerd around the cool kids! I’m not saying he shouldn’t support Rachel, but all he wanted to do was read the paper without Joey glaring at him and calling him a bitch.

    Love the 90210 reference. I was in HS and that episode was the talk of school next day. But more so because Brenda and Dylan finally went all the wa…it a minute. That’s not fashion related :) How about Donna not being able to sit in her prom dress. That wouldn’t happened if she had Rachel style her.

  • Mochababe73

    I don’t think that Rachel needs to leave him. I think that she needs to spend more quality time with Rodger. They need to set a date night and stick to it. No phone. No Brad. No work. It’s important in any relationship to spend time together as a couple.
    Rodger seemed to have a job in season one.
    Rachel has really overstepped her bounds when allowing employees into her home. I am a teacher. I don’t grade papers at home or do lesson plans. Trust me, I work just as hard and have just as much stuff to do. Some teachers easily spend 10-12 hours at school. There needs to be a clear cut divide between work and home. Making work your life is going to leave in the end nothing and no one with whom to share it.
    As I said last week, I don’t think that Rachel wants a baby. Maybe at the beginning of the marriage, but not now that her business has taken off.

  • Leslie

    I would love a Balenciaga tree…but at this point would settle for a Balenciaga sapling!

  • Sue

    The bluefly commercial is edited from the much longer Johnny Weir closet confession video on bluefly.com. He models each one of the Balenciagas and announces its color… he is too, too fabulous!

    http://blueflyclosetconfessions.com/videos/johnny_weir

    • Toni

      I have to say, I’m pretty impressed. Johnny spoke Russian flawlessly. I did a google search to see if he was of Russian descent. Turns out, he’s a Russophile. Taught himself to read and speak Russian. No easy task, my mother has been trying to teach me to speak Russian since I was small and still cant master the dialect. I also found out that he’s a hometown boy. Born in a town not too far from where I live. I am now a fan! (oh, and it doesn’t hurt that he has a closet that I would kill for!)

  • soul

    the fur outfit is really scary…do stylist always dress themselves right.

  • Jo Marie

    Gucci Gucci Gucci! Lux and taste.

  • Rome Reality

    No, Italian’s don’t eat pasta for breakfast – ever. Sorry… We usually just have a cappuccino and eat a cornetto and call it good until lunch. Lunch is when Italian’s eat pasta!

  • FashionFanboy

    What ? are you sure that’s not chris benz spring 2010 ?
    I mean the coat, it looks like exactly the same !

    http://www.style.com/fashionshows/complete/slideshow/S2010RTW-CBENZ?event=show1982&designer=design_house1223&trend=&iphoto=28

    that’s the coat…

    FashionFanboy.blogspot.com

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