The upshot of last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Miami was this: Joanna and Marta shouldn’t be living together, Ana should sign her divorce papers and get it over with and no one should pick a fight with a drag queen at a night club. If all of these Housewives would just listen to my advice, I could solve all their problems.
Recaps of awesomely dramatic TV Shows!(Page 8)
Originally, I intended to extend my recapping hiatus to the November premiere of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, but I saw last week’s premiere of Real Housewives of Miami and actually…enjoyed it? Even giggled a few times? So now I’m back from my reality TV vacation to make fun of our new Miami cast, which includes both a few holdovers from last season (Mama Elsa!) and a few new arrivals (Joanna Krupa, perfect human).
Even though we’ve all been embroiled in a tumultuous love-hate relationship with the Kardashians since mid-May, the season finale of Keeping Up With The Kardashians still managed to sneak up on us. But it’s September and all your favorite shows are returning to the airwaves this week, so it’s time to say goodbye to fluffy summer filler. And that, of course, includes the entire Kardashian clan its shameless shenanigans factory.
Finally. A totally frivolous episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians! No manufactured-for-the-cameras drama, no triflin’ cat fights, no desperate grabs for screen time, just some good old fashioned Kardashian ridiculousness, with boob jobs and dick jokes galore! It was a return to the Kardashians we all know and love. Or, at least, the Kardashians we can actually tolerate in hour-long increments…
The episode kicked off with the Kardashian sisters discussing Kourt’s oncoming baby bonanza.
My love-hate relationship with the Kardashians is teetering heavily towards unrelenting hatred this week. We all know the Kardashians are completely ridiculous people (with wardrobes that are so nice that we almost forgive them for it), but in this week’s episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians, a lot of them seemed downright stupid, emotionally insensitive, and perfectly miserable. I’m looking at you, Kris Jenner.
Ladies, when a man swoops into your closet, throws out all your old clothes, and replaces them with new ones that he hand-picked himself, is it love, or is time to change your cell number?
This week’s riveting episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians kicked off with Kanye West insisting that Kim borrow his stylist so she could join him on the glossy pages of People magazine’s “Best Dressed” list in 2013.
I have to say, the lack of Keeping Up With The Kardashians in my DVR last weekend really left me bereft. No Kardashians, after all, equals nowhere for Emily to channel all of her blinding, unfocused rage. Thus, it was a tough week for my husband. I mean, it wasn’t as tough as it is for Bruce Jenner on any given day, but, you know, it was still comparatively tough.
Vaginal Yoga. Water Birth. Night Terrors. Bereavement. These are all hard-hitting issues we dealt with (or pretended to deal with) in this week’s episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians. I’m not gonna lie, this episode of KUTK blew me away with its sheer emotional magnitude. Its deep exploration of the human condition. It almost makes up for the fact that most episodes leave me feeling like I’ve decreased my IQ by 12 points per viewing.
So where were we with Keeping Up With The Kardashians? Right – Kris Jenner was exacting revenge on Bruce for having golf dates with a former supermodel by getting some “closure” with her long-ago ex, “Todd.” I put his name in quotes because I remain unconvinced that he’s not just a talking blow-up doll. We reconvened with Todd and Kris as they decided what to do about all that oozing sexual tension.
This week, Sunday night with Keeping Up With the Kardashians was particularly trying. I first had to watch this horrible, horrible episode of KUWTK, and then I had to expend even more precious brain energy analyzing it. As if these people and their actions aren’t totally transparent. Kris Jenner’s emotional infancy has me seriously fuming this week. I apologize in advance for the liberal use of all caps, but seriously.