Real Housewives and other awesome TV Reality Show Recaps (Page 7)

So, again, apologies. Fashion Week chewed me up and spit me out. Fashion Week rode me hard and put me away wet. I’m still recovering, and the only things that seem to accurately explain what happened and why there was no Real Housewives of Beverly Hills recap last week are cliches. I have no more original thoughts.

Well, I have a few more, but they’re mostly contained in the recap that follows, so I’ll leave you to encounter those later. As you might imagine, though, this episode wasn’t exactly full of laugh-y times, so the recap might be a little dour when compared to most others. I did what I could.

Because of Fashion Week shenanigans, I didn’t get to see or recap last week’s episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey. Naturally, that meant I had to watch that episode prior to recapping this one, and it was literally so stupid that it gave me a nose bleed. That’s new, as-yet-unexplored depths of stupidity, in case you’re keeping score at home.

Was last night’s episode even worse? Maybe. Our Housewives took flight for a few days in the Dominican Republic, and we all know what happens when those broads cross international borders. (Hint: Nothing good.) In fact, I’d say that the only good thing that came out of last night was the knowledge that the airline lost one of Teresa’s suitcases. Little by little, the universe is trying to weed her tacky clothing out.

You guys, I forgot yesterday was Sunday. I forgot it was any day that normal people have off, because the endless parade of Fashion Week means that I’ve worked nine days straight and will work at least three more before I get a day off. Them’s the breaks. Not only did I not write a recap of last night’s Real Housewives of New Jersey, but I forgot it existed. And maybe it’s better that way?

At any rate, you guys still deserve a place to talk about it if you see fit, so that’s what we have right here. I’m going to make every effort to watch the episode on DVR tonight and add my thoughts in the comments when I do, but until then, feel free to discuss whatever it was that happened last night. I’ll try to do better for the Beverly Hills housewives tonight. Really, I will. I’m not saying the end result will be better, but I’ll at least remember that the show’s on. Swears.

I need a coffee the size of my head.

As the result of a rather hasty and informal Twitter poll yesterday, I’ve made the executive decision to recap this season of The Rachel Zoe Project. Although it doesn’t provide as many opportunities for derision and snark as Real Housewives, I’ve always found the series oddly delightful. And that’s so say nothing of the clothes porn.

And so we set out on journey through the…what season is this? Third? Fourth? It doesn’t matter. What matters is that Rachel is knocked up and she’s launching a clothing line, so there’s a whole lot more going on than just the Oscars.

I’m not even sure how to start this recap of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, except to say that in the grand tradition of the entertainment industry and famewhoring in general, the show went on as planned last night. Of course, that was in spite of the suicide of Taylor Armstrong’s estranged husband Russell, who had been featured prominently as part of one of the season’s major plot lines.

The premiere episode was recut slightly to feature a scene where all of the housewives gathered to discuss the death, but then things went on almost exactly as planned, based on what I’ve heard about preview episodes that had been sent out before Russell’s death. It remains to be seen how the rest of the season will handle the suicide, but let’s get to the business of last night’s episode, shall we?

As I mentioned earlier today, Megs and I are firmly planted in a Pennsylvania hotel room and we’re not coming back to New York City until all of the subways are running again. It’s actually been a nice break from the hectic city pace, but there’s one very clear downside: The hotel doesn’t have Bravo. Also, I forgot my laptop charger in my haste to escape from New York, so I have to make this quick.

Andy promised that last night’s episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey would be great, but sadly, I have no idea if that turned out to be true or not. I do know that watching the VMAs makes me feel absolutely ancient at all of 25 years old, because the hotel did happen to have MTV and I didn’t know who half of the people on it were. Anyway, feel free to discuss Real Housewives, the VMAs or how bloated you are from eating all of your storm supplies in the comments.

Teresa really wanted to be the most annoying person on Real Housewives of New Jersey last night, didn’t she? It would seem to me that pursuing that title when Ashley is around would be all for naught, but Teresa went after it with a single-mindedness and ferocity that is generally reserved for cage fighters and Washington lobbyists.

At the very end, though, Ashley fought back against Teresa’s advances and managed to get herself kicked out of her house by her stepdad, which takes a particular sort of skill since he seems to be far more tolerant of her uselessness than her mother is. Let’s hope she stays kicked out next week.