Scott and Rob

So last night on Keeping Up With The Kardashians, Kim, Scott, Rob, and Johnathan (remember him?) were in London. And Bruce, Kris, and Khloe were in Boston. Hopefully, you were somewhere else other than on the couch drinking white wine and watching E! from 9-10 pm EST last night, and that’s why you’re here. Wise choice.

Real-Housewives-of-Orange-County

Last night’s Real Housewives of Orange County Reunion Part 1 went pretty much how you’d expect. The OC ladies are more than willing to catfight with each other in whatever setting they might be thrown in to, so there was plenty of drama and entertainment. People called each other fake, shifted alliances were called into question, Alexis continued to mispronounce things, Tamra’s hair was enormous.

Kim Kardashian episode 9

This episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians opened with the infamous “flour bombing” incident from last April. While it seemed fairly dramatic (and Kim seemed fairly mad) at the time, here we just saw Kim cracking jokes and brushing it off (both literally and figuratively) and stepping back out on to the red carpet. The incident is just a little blip in this episode, but if it hadn’t been around the same time Kim and Kanye started to get publicly cozy, it probably would’ve been a much bigger plot point.

Kim and Khloe

Reality television is a fickle beast – some weeks, I’m ready to rip my eyes out from sheer boredom as the Kardashians repeatedly trip over themselves trying to create a decent plotline. But other weeks, 3 particularly juicy ones fall right out of the sky. In this week’s episode, Lamar Odom got released from the Dallas Mavericks, which meant the not-so-triumphant return of Khloe and Lamar to L.A., and the set of “Kardashians.”

Keeping Up with the Kardashians (4)

On this week’s episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians, the vacation from hell continued. Indeed, it became even more hellish. Khloe snuck off in the beginning of the episode, thankful she got to go crawl back into the safe arms of her “peaceful” gentle giant, Lamar Odom, claiming she needed “a vacation from this vacation.” I think we’ve all had those family vacations, so this expression seems particularly apt.

Real Housewives of Orange County (5)

Just like an argument can be made that the real story of Mad Men is about the women who inhabit Don Draper’s universe, I’d be willing to consider that perhaps the real story of Real Housewives of Orange County is about the men who buzz around our cast members like so many horse flies. Other than Drunk Sarah getting kicked out of the party, last night’s episode was almost entirely about the husbands and boyfriends.

Keeping Up with the Kardashians (1)

First, the good news: this episode provided us with an hour’s worth of scintillating travel porn. The Dominican Republic definitely just got the Kardashian bump, and it looked absolutely stunning. In the words of Liz Lemon: “I want to go to there.”

The bad news: the Kardashians were on their absolute worst behavior. This DR getaway is on the fast-track to becoming the vacation from hell, despite the five star resort vibes and swoon-worthy scenery.

Last night was the first part in a two-episode season finale for Real Housewives of Orange County, and naturally, it took place almost entirely at the contrived name-change party that Heather planned as the customary wrap-up shindig that almost every season of Real Housewives has to have. Normally these parties are fairly mundane because most of the storylines have already been resolved in some way, but thankfully a drunk quasi-housewife took it upon herself to cause some trouble/entertainment.

Kim and Scott

GREAT NEWS, Kardashian fans! All the truly great television is FINITO for the season. So now we can kick back with everyone’s favorite extra vapid Kardashians and enjoy their triflin’/totally staged drama, 100% guilt-free! “Mad Men” – OVER. “Game of Thrones” (if you like that triflin’ medieval drama) – OVER. The season finale of “Girls” was last night, and it was perfect.

I’ve often complained that seasons of Real Housewives have felt interminable in the past, but season seven of Real Housewives of Orange County might be the first run of the show that’s actually interminable. Last night’s episode was number 18, and it looks as thought we have at least a two-part season finale (and then a reunion, which will surely be at least two parts) before we can stick a fork in this one.