Real Housewives and other awesome TV Reality Show Recaps (Page 3)

For having Vegas, strippers, a million-dollar lollipop holder (Dana-Pam, natch), a trip to a TV show and a mini nervous breakdown, last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills was actually surprisingly sedate. Perhaps the bar for all of those things has already been set so high by previous housewifery that we’ve all lost our collective ability to be surprised by any of it?

Bravo will come up with something new to surprise us, of course. They always do! But for now, let’s rehash another episode of male strippers and Herve Leger dresses, shall we? Sounds like a plan. Also, apologies about the title quote (or complete lack thereof). My bad!

Last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta…contained a metric ton of earrings! And a brand new baby! And a trip to New York! And a cameo by Russell Simmons, the only genuinely rich person to ever show up on the Atlanta series! My, this was an action-packed episode.

We also got to see Kandi adorably cinch her mom into a girdle and Kroy try (and fail) to reassure Kim that everything with the birth of their son would be fine. Sure, the Atlanta housewives are among the most ridiculous of the series, but they’re also the ones who act like real, live humans from time to time. All has been forgiven for Ridickulous, at least on my end.

I’m still having a bit of a hard time figuring out exactly what happened on last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Not on the first 40 minutes of it – that part, I understood. Even the part with Kim in it, if you use the term “understood” loosely. Naturally, I’m referring to Taylor’s meltdown. I’m not even sure where to start.

We’ll start at the beginning, though, as we always do. Maybe by the time I get to the unpleasantness, I’ll have figured out what to say about it. Sometimes, bad things happen to people you dislike and maybe don’t trust, and finding a cogent thought about those instances is probably even harder than when the victim is someone likable. And it goes without saying, of course, that trying to deal with any of this stuff is a thousand times harder than just trying to figure out what to say about it in a silly blog. With that in mind, onward.

Ok kids, so here’s what happened. Mom has a sinus infection. Like, the sinus infections to end all sinus infections. This thing isn’t playing around, and neither am I, which is why I tried to suffocate it (and myself, probably) with, uh, twice the recommended amount of NyQuil last night. Because you guys are smart, I’m betting that you can guess what happened next: I passed the hell out before Real Housewives of Atlanta really even got started and then woke back up in the middle of the night, fully clothed and with all the lights on.

So there’ll be no recap of Real Housewives today, although I shall strive to be more mature with my over-the-counter medications and stay conscious and upright for tonight’s episode. In the meantime, feel free to discuss your impressions of last night’s ridiculousness in the comments. I’m going to go take my antibiotic and drink some orange juice.

Well, that was kind of a lame episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. There were some tense conversations and a fashion show, not to mention more Russell than I really wanted to see, but nothing of particular note happened. Other than Brandi’s Alaia cocktail dress, anyway. Alaia is always of note.

What looks like it will be really interesting is next week’s episode, so maybe Bravo thought we’d all still be in a food coma from Thanksgiving and unable to pay attention to anything complicated. Or maybe they simply thought that we’d all still be bleaching our brains in an attempt to forget last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta, which is accurate.

I…I don’t even know where to begin. I don’t know how to recap most of last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta for a family website, so I hope you’ll bear with me while I try to think for as many PG-rated euphemisms as possible for what went on, particularly at the very end.

Actually, never mind, let’s talk about Phaedra instead. I found myself endlessly amused by her in this episode, and not in a mean-spirited, Grinch-hearted way. Other cast members have said that she’s not nearly as ridiculous off-camera as she is on the show, and I think a little bit of that came through last night. Plus, she’s an expert in basically everything – lawyering, home-building, funeral-having, necklace-wearing, eye shadow-applying. Phaedra’s a regular ol’ Renaissance woman, but she’s nice enough to leave her gun in the car if you invite her to your party.

When I try to think of ways to describe last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, the only one I can think of is “awkward.” The show started with Russell being outed as a wife beater and ended with Taylor regaling 250 guests with tales of how wonderful her family is and how happy they make her. I can see why the other cast members are becoming tired with Taylor’s dual narrative.

I’m not an expert on domestic abuse (although apparently Faye Resnick is?), but I’m finding the scenes with Taylor or Russell increasingly difficult to watch. It seems inappropriate to view this kind of thing as entertainment, particularly since half the time, I don’t even like Taylor or find myself feeling particularly sympathetic toward her plight. Even grifters don’t deserve to be abused, though. I just have to keep telling myself that.