Rob Kardashian is back from Europe, and no one is happier than Scott. They exchange several manly cheek smooches before Kris exclaims “OK, it’s not the Godfather.” To which Scott replies, “Oh, it’s so much more than that.” Now that he’s back stateside, Rob is once again on the hunt for a humble abode of his own, and everyone has opinions on where he should buy. But no one wants to help more than Bruce Jenner, per usual – because he’s into all that “being a Dad” stuff. Bruce is dying to go house-hunting with Rob. Rob isn’t feelin’ it, but they make a date anyways. Be warned: this is the last time you’ll have any sympathy for Rob for the remainder of the episode.
When it’s finally time to go a-house-hunting, Bruce is miffed that Kourtney crashes his Rob date. Rob clearly trusts his sister Kourtney’s opinion, because she’s smart with money. And he trusts his mother Kris’ advice, because she’s good at spending money. Bruce is a bit of a miser it seems, so his opinion doesn’t count. Bruce does drop some juicy numbers though – Rob’s budget is apparently 1.5 million dollars. Not too shabby for someone with a line of socks and a few famous siblings.
Rob doesn’t want Bruce’s help – when Bruce does a little research for him, and prints out some info, Rob won’t even take the papers from him. He can’t even front like he respects Bruce’s opinion – which btw, is the polite thing to do, Rob. Later, at yet another particularly awful Kardashian family dinner, Rob laments the fact that he doesn’t have a father to guide him through the house-hunting process, even though Bruce is jumping at every opportunity to offer him advice, and worst of all, is sitting right in front of him. It is straight up hurtful. Bruce looks like a blood vessel in his neck is about to burst, but he doesn’t say anything to Rob.
Kim is WIG shopping, because she wants to be a Bond girl. Also, because her divorce proceedings are stressing her out. Kim clearly isn’t legally allowed to say too much on her show, but she IS allowed to go on a fabulous wig shopping spree at what looks to be Hollywood’s most fabulous wig emporium! Kim then spends the rest of the episode popping up in random places, wearing different wigs, and affecting different accents. Here’s an in-depth outline of all of her wig-tastic exploits:
1. Kim bombards Rob at a bookstore, wearing a bottle blond wig and speaking like a true Southern Belle. Then comes the highlight of this season so far: Kim addresses Rob as “HONEY BOO BOO CHILD” (my favorite meme!), which is clearly something she thinks all Southern people say and which I think is kind of adorable. She picks up a few CDs for accents – tries to sell Rob on the whole wig thing – and most impressively, never breaks character. Rob does not want to go house-hunting with a blonde Southern Kim. He doesn’t get it.
2. Kim shows up at Kourtney’s house, skulking about in a red “Alias”-style wig, and scaring little Mason. “You look scary!” he cries. Or maybe “You look skinny!” Children are so hard to understand. Scott and Kourtney don’t understand what’s happening any better than Mason does. “This is making me uncomfortable.” announces Scott. Kourtney expresses concern to the viewers at home – “I hope that Kim’s looming divorce isn’t getting to her head and making her go crazy.” Real sensitive, Kourtney.
3. Kris whizzes in to give Kim some papers to sign while she’s out on a job. She’s still wearing the red wig. Kris does not even notice.
4. Kim surprises Kylie and Kendall in a short black wig – at first I think she’s playing the stereotype of a Jewish Hollywood agent – but it turns out she’s playing her own mother. “I’m gonna get you ladies a record deal!” she exclaims. Kylie and Kendall don’t get it. They’re worried that people will think that Kim is losing her mind.
5. Kim spooks her Mom and her mom’s friends when she shows up in a chin length blong wig, pretending to be Britney Spears. Finally, she’s forced to account for her actions, and reassures everyone that she’s just trying to have fun.
Everyone in the Jenner-Kardashian clan is extremely freaked out by Kim’s wig-wearing tendencies, mainly because they have no imagination or sense of whimsy. Kim Kardashian, I will hang out and wear strange wigs with you any day. And I will not sell the photos for any less than $5K a pop, out of respect for you and your family.
Meanwhile, Kris is trying to put a music management company together with BABYFACE. Remember him? From the 1990s? This seems like not only a great way to drum up some juicy new plot points for next season, but also an opportunity to sink a nice chunk of Kardashian change. I can sort of guess where Kris and Babyface’s tastes might overlap, and I can also see where popular music tastes are on the map, but strangely, I can’t find any cross section between the two.
Kris spends a lot of time in this episode proving how crazy busy she is to everyone. She leaves the house early, she gets home late, and she freaks multiple people out with her outta control road rage. It’s time for an intervention. Kris is insanely busy 24/7, so the girls demand that she puts on some sweats and takes some time off. Kourtney even invites a couple of Kris’ orange friends over.
Kris misses approximately 300 emails during her little break, but surprisingly, everything works itself out because, oh yeah, Kris has several people under her employ who will take care of these things for her. So Kris learns a valuable lesson.
Also, Rob, who has been a huge douche throughout this entire episode, reconciles with Bruce after he has a little heart-to-heart with Kris. It turns out, Rob kind of forgot, you know, all of those things Bruce did for him throughout his entire childhood. You spend a few months in Europe, Rob, and you literally forget who you are.
Is that the take-home message of this weeks episode? Not at all – the most important thing we learn this week is that Kris Kardashian shops at Costco, and it is one of her favorite things in the world to do. #starstheyrejustlikeus #productplacement