YOLO was absolutely the theme of this week’s episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians. Kite surfing, snorkeling, cannon balls off of yachts, copious alcoholic beverage – there was a little something for everyone. “Yolo” was said at least 50 times, despite the fact that this phrase peaked from a cultural standpoint in 2012 and should really never be spoken aloud by people over the age of 18. But you know, you only live once…
I always look forward the Kardashian vacay episodes; at least while Kris Jenner is wearing a wig and doing something stupid, I can look past her and feast my eyes on the delectable travel porn. This episode certainly didn’t fail to deliver in that respect, because Mykonos is too beautiful to be spoiled by a few Kardashian shenanigans. We witnessed a lot of blended-family bonding during this vacay – the Jenners dived off rocks, swam in the ocean and really soaked in their surroundings, while the Kardashians mainly soaked in a few rays and squeezed into a few dive suits just long enough to doggy paddle around a boat. (Well done, ladies! Way to YOLO!)
Meanwhile, back in L.A., Kendall was having her moment in the sun at photographer Russell James’ exhibit before she, Kylie, and Bruce joined her extended family in Greece. Kendall and Kylie have never been on a family trip with their half brothers, which really puts a very fine point on how strained family relations have been in years past. Kris Jenner simply can’t allow the people she loves and the people she kind of likes for this one season of KUWTK to enjoy each other’s company and grow closer without somehow making everything about her, though, so Kris and Brody’s strained relationship quickly became an issue that threatened to spoil everyone’s vacation.
For whatever reason, Kris decided that rocking a wig on vacation was a spectacular idea, except that everyone hated it, or everyone hated her desperate cry for attention. Or both, most likely. In reality, it just made her look like a Real Housewife of Beverly Hills.
I made a crack last week about how all of this bad blood was just a result of suppressed sexual tension, but I didn’t actually have any evidence to back that up…until this episode. After Kourt encouraged Kris to make nice with the Brodster, Kris made a special point of giving him an extended tanning oil rub-down. Because that’s exactly what you want people who you hate to do to you! You want them to touch you a lot. Everyone was visibly wincing as it happened, and still, it went on. Kris even made a crack about how Brody’s back was identical to a young Bruce Jenner’s, at which point we all threw up in our mouths a little, yes?
In addition to bogarting everyone’s life and making bizarre sexual innuendos toward her step-son, Kris also has this awful habit of making sex jokes 24/7 that specifically reference her own sex life, or lack thereof. The Kardashian girls always think it’s hilarious, probably because they have no taste or boundaries, but Brody is constantly made uncomfortable by such gags. Kris contends that it’s just her personality that he doesn’t get, and to an extent, that’s true – it’s her awful personality that people who aren’t blood-related to her feel no inclination to tolerate. But it’s also her inability to tone it down in polite society. (Did you ever think there’d come a day when Brody Jenner would be referred to as “polite society?” I certainly didn’t, and I barely even watched The Hills!) There was a lot of build-up to the emotional smackdown that was supposedly going to take place between Kris and Brody, but as you might suspect, nothing went down until the last 5 minutes of the show, and we’ll have to tune in for the epic conclusion next week.
Instead, we were treated to a full half hour of The Kardashian-Jenners Rent A Ginormous Yacht! The champagne and tanning oil flowed, the baby Jenners danced and Kris finally lost that awful wig to the ocean while she was jet-skiing with Bruce. (One thing the Kardashians love to do on vacay is jet ski, just like all rich people who like to make spectacles of themselves.) Kim was super pregnant, so she just got in a little sleep while the fam partied topside. (You’ll be interested to know that this yacht reportedly comes with a $30,000-plus-a-day price tag.)
Brandon and Leah opted to skip the yacht expedition and do a little solo exploring on the island. They did romantic, adorable, couple-y things and danced around and got whimsical, typical Brandon and Leah-style. I’d say they should have their own show, but it would just be way, way too positive – like watching golden retriever puppies frolic in a landscape of puffy white clouds.
Back on the yacht, Brody had jumped off the top deck into the ocean, which encouraged Kourt and Khloe to psych themselves up for a full five minutes with more cries of “YOLO” before they decided to do the same. (The top deck wasn’t really that high, you guys.) The fam then enjoyed a lavish family dinner on the yacht before returning to their fabulous oceanfront rental.
Later, when the Jenners had reunited, Brody related the completely awkward Kris/tanning lotion encounter to his bro and sis-in-law. They were appropriately disgusted. The Jenners were pretty much all in agreement that, if nothing else, Kris Jenner has definitely clipped the wings of Papa Jenner, the once-unstoppable Olympic champ who now essentially lives in his designated corner of the garage.
The next day, on yet another boat, it was finally time for Brody and Kris to have their much anticipated heart-to-heart. Things got real surprisingly quickly when Brody called out Kris for prizing all things lavish over the experiences in life that truly matter…(like FREE TRIPS TO GREECE, BRODY?! GAH!). Kris made a lame attempt to defend herself, simultaneously defending the show and several major life decisions. It seems bizarre that Brody Jenner, whose first love may or may not have been Lauren Conrad, would lecture anyone on their penchant for luxury, but I’m sure he had several years off-camera to learn and grow as a person, etc. etc. And he does have a point – the Kardashians are nothing if not sublimely superficial. But being superficial is their bread and butter! And calling out their superficiality whilst also reaping its rewards seems like a odd choice, Brody-man.
So next week, we have these things to look forward to: Brody makes Kris Jenner cry. Kendall has a minor melt-down after getting left out, and Scott gets his comeuppance after having too much fun in London-towne.