Novelty Bags

Everyone has that girlfriend in their group that is, after approximately a glass and a half of white wine, completely hammered, carrying her high heels in her hand, and asking everyone if they’ve seen her handbag. And no one has seen it, because she left it sitting on the back of the toilet at the last bar you were in, and its contents have already been pillaged. She will sleep on your couch that night, and you and your other friends will talk amongst yourselves, trying to figure out how anyone can lose her purse on a glass and a half of Santa Margherita. Her cell phone will be for sale on Craigslist the next day. If you don’t have that friend right now, think back to your early 20s - that girl, remember her?

Well, if you’re still friends with the drunken purse-loser, here’s what you should get her for her next birthday: the Alexander McQueen Faithful Leather Glove Clutch. See, she can stick her little hand in the attached glove, and she won’t have to worry about having to hold on to anything - the clutch will hold on to her! And even if you’re not prone to putting things down and wandering off, this clutch is a fabulously 80s addition to any wardrobe and something that no one else will at any party will be able to hold a candle to in the handbag department. It’s different from anything else on the market and so classically McQueen in a witty, winking way that it just may become a collector’s item. I can’t guarantee it, but it’s so fresh and funny that it certainly wouldn’t surprise me. Buy through Saks for $895.

I’ve made no secret that I’m a huge and adoring fan of almost every clutch that Celestina has ever made. The materials used are those that are rarely found in such abundance in other clutches, and they’re used to amazing effect. The level of intricacy is unbelievably high on everything that they make, and they leave no detail unattended. But that doesn’t mean that their clutches are overdone - they’re usually sleek and modern-looking, despite their incredible uniqueness.

Which brings us to the Celestina Roseanne Blacklip Clutch. I can’t imagine that anyone could look at this and have a negative reaction - it’s sleek and simple, covered in diamond-cut tiles of blacklip mother of pearl. The colors are earthy and warm, but deep enough to function as a cold-weather event option despite the material. It reflects a great deal of light and would likely change colors fantastically in different settings. If you were to take it to an event, you’d easily stand out in a sea of boring black evening bags. Buy through Barneys for $1290.

I think that this clutch is just about the coolest thing I’ve ever seen, but I realize that it’s hardly everyone’s taste. I have a very particular look for things that I tend to buy - I sent Megs a link to a pair of Chloe motorcycle boots that I loved recently, and her reaction was “Oh, those are so you.” They were covered in zippers and buckles, black leather with silver hardware. I have a particular point of view, and I can’t even begin to estimate the amount of times that my friends have looked at something I wanted and said, “Huh. That looks like you.”

Which is not only why I like the Alexander McQueen Knuckle Buster Clutch, but also why I like Alexander McQueen in general. He has a look and he goes with it, particularly in his clutches, and he seems to care little whether or not they have a wide appeal. They’re kitschy, fun, and reflect the punk and goth subcultures in the UK with which McQueen has always been so intimately connected. The scull-topped “brass” knuckles that form the handle to this clutch are so utterly brilliant and weird that I almost don’t know what to say about them, except to say that they are so very McQueen. His insistence on making quirky, interesting things is something that we should all celebrate, even if those things aren’t your taste (but they certainly are mine). Buy through Saks for $1595.

One of the things I hate most in life is having to have a joke explained to me. Usually, I’m one of the jerks that will just laugh right along and pretend that I’m brilliant and that I got it, and then Google whatever reference it was that I didn’t understand later (if I remember, which usually, I don’t. So I stay in ignorance). The deal with writing for an audience, though, is that if you don’t get the joke, then you can’t really pretend you do and write about a supposedly funny bag anyway.

The biggest problem I’m having with the Anya Hindmarch Meat and Poultry Tote, though, is that I’m not entirely sure that there’s a joke in the first place. I feel like there’s some sort of humorous intent with the sizing of the roosters and the meat/poultry dichotomy, but I’m not entirely sure. I could be entirely wrong, maybe the designer just thinks that multisized roosters are cute, and maybe I’m the only one left wondering if there’s some sort of clever joke that’s being told here. But if you SEE the clever joke, for God’s sake, explain it to me. It’s driving me insane. Buy through Net-a-Porter for $98.

We all know that my taste can be, at times, questionable. Loose. On the tacky side. I like loud bags in general, probably because I wear so much freakin’ black and grey (even in the summer). Without a statement bag, I feel a little naked or under-dressed. Formal occasions are no exception - not that I have many formal occasions. Or any at all. But if I did, I’d surely want to carry some sort of ridiculous, bling-tastic, over-the-top, questionably tasteful super luxe evening bag. Which is exactly what the Judith Leiber In the Wild Clutch is.

Because you see, my dears, it’s not just super sparkly. It’s super sparkly AND animal-print. At the same time. And that’s a stroke of quasi-tacky genius for which only the folks at Leiber, the home of the bedazzled watermelon bag, could be responsible. It’s combination of two of the tackiest bag idea inspires me to continue to find the awesomeness in all things moderately distasteful, and since I’m not cool enough to have anyplace to take it, I sort of want to have one just to sit it on top of my TV and admire it’s twinkling, zebra-ish glory. Buy through Neiman Marcus for $3895.

I am officially jealous of this cake. Jealous of the receiver, jealous of the people that could actually create and design this, jealous of all who helped eat it. This is indeed a cool cake. Looks like this was given as a gift for a 21st 26th birthday. And while so many people equate lots of shots on their 21st 26th, a designer handbag cake would have been up my ally so much more. This is a Gucci Cake complete with a Gucci Boston Bag on top of a Gucci Box. Even the little cookie would have made my day. I can not imagine the price for a cake like this, novelty enough that it would end up being totally ridiculous, but isn’t it amazing?

I am now rethinking our wedding cake. Why did we go traditional when I could have had a full fledged designer handbag cake for all of our guests. My birthday is coming in September though. Instead of Gucci, I would prefer more of a Chanel or Hermes. Just sayin’. [Image via Flickr]

Whether or not you believe that clothing and accessories can qualify as art, you have to look at the Balenciaga Metallic Crocodile Wristlet and see, first and foremost, an art object. It’s uses (and, most likely, it’s production) are decidedly limited, but if I was to get my hands on it, I think I’d probably just hold it and stare at it anyway. The crocodile skin is treated in such a way that it almost reminds me of mother of pearl - it’s shiny, but in a way that does a beautiful job picking up the colors and the light around them, making the bag look eternally different. It’s finished with polished blue-green accents, which might be either polished stone or lucite, it’s impossible to tell, and a bold box-chain wrist strap. It doesn’t look like it would hold much, and I’m sure it costs an arm and a leg, but it’s just so stinkin’ beautiful that I don’t really care. Where do I sign up?

Picture courtesy of Style.com

Every now and then, I have a visceral reaction to a bag. Sometimes it’s a grimace, sometimes it’s a smile, and this time, with the Pierre Hardy Neoprene and Patent Tote, it was an exclamation of “YES!” and then some contemplation as to why exactly I had that reaction to begin with. Maybe it’s because the bag is just so freakin’ geometric and architectural - the lines are incredibly clean, and it’s made out of materials that lend themselves to precision. The hot pink section of the bag is neoprene, which I believe is the material used to make wetsuits, and the black trim is patent leather. In an odd way, this is hitting me as a good beach bag, although I highly doubt it is intended to serve that purpose. But with the neoprene, why the heck not? It’s so enormous and neon that I have no idea where else or for what other purpose I’d wear it, but for some reason, I love it. It’s just so NEON. So completely, unapologetically neon. It’d be one of those bags that I’d be completely thrilled and excited to buy, and then wear twice, because there are really only two places I could wear it. I’m not entirely sure where those places are, but I’m sure there are at least two. It hasn’t hit stores yet, so I don’t have any pricing information for you, but odds are it’ll be prohibitive for a bag made out of a wetsuit, no matter how fabulous that bag is.

Style.com Accessories Report

Shirt found on eBay

I think I get the reference here. I really think I do. I think Maison Martin Margiela is trying to give a not-so-sly nod to those eternally unfashionable t-shirts from the late 80s and early 90s with majestically airbrushed scenes of wolves or tigers or other predatory beasts on them. Their wearers could often be found in arcades, playing Dance Dance Revolution and sipping a slurpy.

Or now, they’ve experienced a new awakening with ironic Brooklyn hipsters, who will mine second-hand stores for anything awful and too tight to wear, possibly as some sort of mating call to other hipsters. I don’t understand this logic and don’t pretend to understand it, but there it is. So.

And now, as with all stupid grassroots trends, an ‘edgy’ designer has co-opted it and decided to charge big bucks for those that want to get the trend without going to the thrift shop. For this particular piece of pop culture, the Maison Martin Margiela Airbrushed Wolf Bag has an airbrushed wolf head on the side of a while leather hobo (incidentally, the white leather hobo by itself would be something I would carry - very soft-looking and unstructured; very much my style). Words simply fail me here. There’s nothing to say about the utter stupidity of this bag (and its price tag, which is absolutely asinine for what is no more than a novelty item) that isn’t glaringly obvious just from the photo. So, have at it in the comments. Buy through eLuxury for $1,195.

Twisted, surprising and controversial. Three attributes that guarantee success.

Designer Yael Mer of Raw Edges is responsible for this unique piece. While our tPF members may find it creepy, I find it entirely brilliant. Apparently, the biblical story about Judith and Holofernes and its visual representation from the Renaissance were inspiration for the design of the bag. I can not relate to either the story, nor its representations from the fancy times of rebirth, but I think that this novelty bag adds great shock effect to spice up your daily wardrobe. You may have some explaining to do if a cop stopped you with a drawn gun, telling you to hand over possible homicide evidence, but it’s totally a risk I’d be willing to take!

Not sure where to get it and for how much, you can probably find out by emailing.

Would you wear it?