Dear Millie,
It’s hard to believe that six months ago, I was going to the doctor’s office already one day late with you. I was certain you weren’t coming on that day, I had zero signs of labor and last time I had seen the doctor, he told me you were quite happy where you were. Little did I know that while you were happy in my belly, my amniotic fluid levels were very low, and within a couple hours of seeing the doctor, you and I were being introduced for the first time.
Nothing went how I planned, and I had such a bad reaction to the drugs they gave me for the C-section that the first 24 hours with you were a complete blur. I remember feeling horrible and the doctors having to give me more drugs to counteract the others. I had packed a cute pink robe that I imagined I’d wear after delivery, and that never happened. The C-section recovery was harder than I thought, and for the first few weeks, I could barely do anything. Everyone else took care of you in the night (I don’t know what I would have done without your dada and my family’s help) and brought you to me to nurse you.
The beginning was hard and confusing, but this past month has been nothing short of amazing. Don’t get me wrong, of course I loved you from day one, but my love for you has grown so deeply I know I will never be able to put it into words. I now truly understand how my mom feels toward me and your aunt and uncles. A mother’s love for her child is so deep and unwavering, it’s hard for me to even believe that I love you this much.
This month, I simply could not get enough of you! Your personality is really shining through and we’ve watched you become an inquisitive, silly, independent, and stubborn six-month-old. Everything is new to you, and you love exploring the world around you. Sitting up by yourself isn’t enough for you, you want to stand. Standing isn’t enough for you, you want to jump. Jumping isn’t enough for you, you want to fly around. You take in the world around you and love being part of it and discovering anything and everything.
Everything you touch goes straight into your mouth, and you want to chew everything. There are chew toys in every single crevice of the house and car because I know if it’s not a toy, it’s your finger, hand or feet that you’ll chew on. Every morning, your dada takes you for a walk down to Starbucks and around the neighborhood while I sleep a little more. You make friends everywhere you go and really love meeting new people. You definitely know who your mama and dada are, and now when there are too many new people around, you look back for me and sometimes cry until people get out of your face. I get it—I like my space too.
Your stubbornness has shown in more ways than one, and I have to tell you, you got that from me (well, your dada is stubborn too, so looks like we’ll all butt heads now and again). We just got the go-ahead for you to start solids, and though we’ve only tried two foods (bananas and avocado), you hate both so far. You don’t just spit it out, you purse your lips and make them stick together as much as possible. Once I am able to get the spoon past your lips and into your mouth, I find that your gums are actually also pressed together as hard as you can. We’re having to be pretty cautious with foods that you’re trying because there is a worry about you having food allergies. I guess you really just want to keep us on our toes at all times.
You now love sleeping on your tummy, and though I put you in your crib on your back or side, you quickly flip to your tummy and often wind up sucking your thumb. I hear your little voice over the monitor as you get yourself cozy and pacify yourself to sleep. I feel like a crazy person because I want to go and stare at you while you sleep. You are such a peaceful sleeper, and you love your naps and getting to bed at night. In fact, if we get you off our ‘schedule,’ which is getting you down to bed around 6:45 pm or so, you are beside yourself. When you are awake, you want to go, go, go, but when you are tired, you desperately want to be asleep. You aren’t much of a cuddler, though I attempt to make you cuddle with me, but in the morning when you first get up, you look at me and your dada like you missed us so much. I’m not going to lie, I missed you back.
We still haven’t been able to figure out what’s been going on with your gastrointestinal issues, and though we’ve had more tests, more blood work, more doctors and more specialists, it’s still unknown. Because your case seems to stump us all, the doctors suggested and we’ve decided to take you to a Children’s Speciality hospital. We are working with Cincinnati Children’s Hospital to get you appointments with the doctors there to take a look and see if they can figure out what’s going on. But for now, we won’t deep dive into this because I know you’re in good hands and I am very hopeful that soon this will all be behind us.
The time has both flown by and gone very slowly, but these past six months have made me realize that I am doing exactly what I was always meant to do, and it brings me so much joy and love. You are all that’s good and pure in this world, you see everything with utter excitement and you remind me to stop and enjoy every little moment of this crazy life. I hope that you know how much you’ve changed my and your dada’s lives, and how there is nothing that we wouldn’t do for you. Happy half birthday, baby girl, you are the light in our lives!
Love,
Mama
