‘Tis the season to be giving…so we won’t speculate as to why Lindsay Lohan looked considerably more polished than her overworked, overstuffed black Hermes Birkin when she headed out to do an interview for “Good Morning America” last week. Or why she was photographed God knows how many hours later looking like a drunken caricature of her mom. We’ll say something nice. Lindsay, I love your new old hair color. It reminds us of when you did the Parent Trap move, or Mean Girls, and you were still an upbeat, fresh-faced youth, and not…you know. Also, I love those Giuseppe Zanotti Ankle Boots. Where did you…acquire those from?
No, but seriously. Lindsay. You’re just a few months away from being on Dr. Phil. Everything Amy Poehler said during that infamous opening sketch of SNL when you hosted in 2005 has become a self-fulfilling prophecy. You’ve already got one Lifetime movie in the bag. I say this sincerely – please hand that Birkin over to someone who will love it and treat it with respect. Someone who won’t load it up with what is clearly a handle full of vodka, and then abandon it at a club at 4 am. And please find some modicum of sobriety before it’s forced on you by hard jail time.