Fugly

Not that I believe I am the all-knowing, but there is a thing or two that I do know. And one of those things is that this bag is completely hideous. Miss Fiore, what are you on?? The Isabella Fiore “Flower Child” April Handheld Bag makes me a bit queasy. I can’t really even be kind to this colorful mess of flowers spewed onto a bag. So the ‘lucky’ wearer of this bag will be sporting leathers in hues of brown, tan, yellow, blue, green, lilac and cream. It only gets better when you hear that all of these colors are joined together with chain pieces. And if all of that is not enough, there are folkloric painted flowers that will only aid in overwhelming you about 50 times more than before. Adasa says that “you will for sure set off a chain reaction when you strut your stuff wearing one of these beauties”. My guess would be that this chain reaction will mimic falling dominos, as in you will make people drop at the ghastly sight of this flower powered thing. The bags dimensions are as follows; Height at Center is 11″; Length 2″ up front base is 16.5″; Width at center base is 1.5″. Jump on the pre-order list if you are looking for that ‘chain reaction’ through Adasa for $650.

Juicy Couture bags seem to be hit or miss. Take the Juicy Couture Metallic Day Dreamer Tote. This large gathered pink terry cloth bag does not even pass in my mind as a beach bag. I just don’t like the look of it. Of course, because metallic can’t get our of style just yet, the shoulder straps, piping, trim, and satin ribbon are all bronze metallic. The outside has a pocket for your convenience along with one inside pocket. While the design of this bag just doesn’t cut it for me, it is the slogan on the bag that really sends me over the edge. Can you imagine what your father would say to see you carrying around a bag that reads, “Some Like It Juicy”? I know no matter how I explained this slogan, it would just always seem so wrong. This politically incorrect bag measures 11″H X 11¼”L X 6¼”W and can be purchased through Saks for $175.

Just after you have found your way to my heart with my beautiful Spy, you go and do something stupid. Yes Fendi, I am actually talking to you! While I still care for my Spy like it is my infant, I could care less for a bag that is actually comparable in price and designed by the same designer. Noriko has pointed out this atrocity. Phrases like “Omfg what is this!?”, “That bag is scary!!! Seriously”, “that bag is giving me a headache!”, “WOW, $1900 for that?!”, “That is hideous!”, and “I think the person who designed that needs to return to school- I have seen better bowling bags,” are the first thoughts many of the readers feel. Whether or not you even want to see this bag, let me introduce you to the Fendi Bag du Jour with Crown Embroidery. Everything about it is over-the-top and just wrong for my liking. eLuxury actually made me chuckle out loud at the claim that “you’ll feel like the queen du jour toting around Fendi’s spectacular carryall.” Do anyone of you actually think you would feel that way if you carried this? Made from canvas with jacquered weaving with a tacky crown detail of patent leather and lizard-embossed leather, this bag has far too much going on. My guess would be that Fendi is charging you about $1200 for the vintage Fendi signature plaque in golden metal with two double-F engraved stars on the front. That is the only way that the overall price of this bag makes sense to me. The shoulder straps are made of rope and have a 7.5″ drop and the bag measures 19.5″ (at base; 11.5″ at top) x 12″ x 7″. Even better is the ridiculous price. Explain to me how the Spy was only about $100 more?! For canvas and rope you can own this so un-”du Jour” bag for $1910 via eLuxury.

While Chloe may be my homegirl, she has done a number that has turned my head away pretty quickly. The Chloe Python Hobo looks more like a horse saddle with chains than anything else to me. The only difference it has than the horse saddle is that it is a little more posh than rustic, with some metallic gold python blinging in your eyes. I don’t know if there is really a part of this bag that I like- I guess the only thing that doesn’t seem awful to me is the push-lock closure on the front flap. Other than that, I got nothing. I can handle exotic skins and I can handle metallic, but I sure can’t handle overly gold metallic python skin, golden hardware, and a chain shoulder strap with rings. Is it just me or is this hobo too much?

Sizing up at 11″H x 13″W x 5 1/2″D, I give each inch of this thing a no thanks. If you are up for the gold rush, you can find this hobo through Saks for $915.

Reminisce back to the 70’s. Ok maybe some of you weren’t around. But how about in college dorm rooms. How many people did you know who hung the huge tie-dye blanket sheet thing? I never quite understood the purpose. Was it supposed to be groovy and college-like? If so, I so missed out. The Tory Burch Embroidered Suede Tote looks just like one of those tie-dye blankets that I never quite caught on to. Stylish and groovy? No, not in my opinion at all. I’d actually love to use the bag for dart practice. After all, there is a bulls eye. Made from a dark brown/coconut suede with an orange/green/blue abstract sunflower embroidery, this bag is just too much for my liking. Although I don’t dig it, some of you may. We all like different things. So if you do like this, go on and rock it out. Purchase it via Neiman Marcus for $798. Keep in mind though, if you do buy this bag and I do happen to pass you on the street, I may have the uncontrollable urge to throw a dart at that center piece

This week’s imaginary Fug Bag of the Week award goes to the Michael Simon Mutts Barrel Bag. always_alone pointed out this hideous piece in our forums, and I just had to share it with our readership. Hot damb! Art peice gone wrong or not, it looks like the designer suffered under some sort of multiple personality disorder… freakin’ schizzo! Megs and I don’t have any kids (yet) but I wouldn’t even let my little one carry this bag to pre-school. Who does this bag try to attract? The mentally ill? I’m not sure, but it attracted me enough to spend the 8 minutes of my time to write about it this morning. For a good time bash, visit the forum link below and let us know what this bag resembles to you. via eBags.

Well, I suppose you aren’t a superstar unless you carry a furry animal-esqe bag around. Dolce & Gabbana may be the reason any of us think that. I know there is huge controversy over the use of fur, and feel free to vent your love or hate of the topic nicely, but fur or no fur, I don’t like this bag. The Dolce & Gabbana “Miss Superstar” Mini Bag is ornately over done with mink-fur and uses an exotic watersnake belt to only add a little more exoticism. If the clutch were done a little more classy or maybe done a little less, I may somewhat like it. This clutch merely reminds me of the class pet I took care of one summer, a dark brown guinea pig. The clutch also has a detachable chain if you’d like to carry it, a kiss lock closure, goldtone hardware, and satin lining. The measurements of this fur ball are 5 “H X 7″W X 5″W. No, thanks. I will pass. But if this thingie is for you- check it out via Saks for $575 (or just buy a guinea pig for about $30 instead).

You know the saying “stop while you’re ahead”? Well, sometimes I think that should even go as far as to apply to the world of handbag designers. If you have created something so desirable, that people are actually still yearning for, don’t go and release a total flop of a bag. You all know Alexander McQueen for his Novak bag- that bag that we all love but probably can not get our hands on. Now, let me introduce you to the Alexander McQueen that we should all run and hide from. Now, I know some of you did like the Isabelle Fiore Knit bag, and if you can rock it- more power to you, but this bag is in a league of its own I think. The Alexander McQueen Large Pompom Shoulder Bag is more than enough that these eyes can handle in one hugely oversized bag. Made of multi-colored Navajo style knit and bobbing around about 20 too many pompoms, this bag is over the top. Not to mention, the bottom of the bag is flooded with beige tassel trim. Seriously, I don’t feel it- not at all. The shoulder straps are made of green leather and the inside of the bag is lined in suede and has a zip pocket. Let me turn your attention (how could you miss it), to the ginormous size. When I mean large, I mean it looks like this bag is eating part of this mannequin’s body. The depth is 3.5″, height is a whopping 14″, and the width is an even bigger 18″. I feel like Mr. McQueen himself will not live this bag down, but that is just my opinion. If you think you can work this bag like it’s nobody’s business (especially not mine), buy it through Net-A-Porter for $1480.

Things that make you go humm. Paging Isabella Fiore, paging Isabella Fiore, what the hell is this?? Someone please enlighten me on this knit mess. It looks more like some sort of ugly poncho you might wear to your enemy’s wedding just to piss her off on her special day. The fugly Isabella Fiore Large Knit Hobo does nothing other than make me want to look the other way. I’m having a hard time with some of the facts I am about to reveal though.

First of all, let me tell you the specifics on this bag, just in case you really care. The wool knit hobo is available in your choice of cool hues (turquoise/pink/cream/black, shown) or in warm hues (orange/brown/olive/purple/hot pink/cream, see below). Then you can also find some dark brown leather trim in this mess somewhere, cream stitching, golden hardware, and studded straps on both the base and corners of the bag. The part where I would like to find the nearest match or wood eater truck is when I see the shoulder strap area. This area which is all just awfully wrong has the shoulder strap with rings, all sorts of huge out of place pom-poms, a logo tag, and some non-sensical beads. The dimensions are 15 1/2″H x 16″W x 5″D. Part one of my real confusion is that this bag was positively featured in InStyle magazine (October 2005 issue, p268). P.S. If anyone can find this let me know; my InStyle was used for ultimate spider killing a few weeks back! And secondly, where I’m lost beyond lost, is to hear that this bag is on back order. Yikes. Either Neiman Marcus only ordered 2 bags, or some people are really in disagreement with me. For $630 through Neiman Marcus this bag can make you the talk of the town (you choose whether it be good or bad).

After a complete and total computer glitch (yup, I’ve been that lucky with technology lately), I’m back at it. Unfortunately this is what happens when Vlad leaves, I tend to over-estimate my computer ability and it comes to kick me in the behind- hence I am behind on Viewer’s Choice Monday! Since I’m a day late, this week will all move behind a day. Whew. So to kick of the start of Viewer’s Choice Tuesday our loyal reader, Zoesmom, has submitted this atrocity from Fendi. I was quite glad to see that she also despises this bag. I don’t know what Fendi was thinking. After having a huge hit in the Spy Bag, they have proceeded to fall down hill with their “designs”. The Fendi Mini Leather Bag makes me want to mini gag. What is this thing?!?! Actually, to put it in the words of Zoesmom: “I found that horror at Saks and is probably one of the ugliest bags I have ever seen. Where exactly do you wear a white rabbit fur and faux pearl trim purse??? And for $1290 shouldn’t the pearls be real?” I couldn’t agree with you more! This leather bag has a double top handle and rabbit fur detailing around the top. Ehmm- ok?? Then we find the not-so real faux pearl accents. Why would you do that for a Fendi bag that is going for over a grand? Bad idea Fendi, bad bad idea. Other thingies this bag has is nickel hardware, a detachable chain shoulder strap, a frame top shape, and satin lining. Measuring in at 6¾”H X 6½”L X 3½”W, this bag is not worth it’s $1290 ticket price (via Saks).

This bag closely resembles its sister, the Fendi Bag It Mini, which is just as fugly. These are the two ugly ducklings