fendi-mesh-satchel1.jpgI really am attempting to keep my cool when my eyes had the unfortunate encounter of finding this fug bag. Between the shoddy mesh and the over sized gaudy Fendi logo down the front middle, I can feel my fashion sensible eyes burn a little when being faced with the Fendi Mesh Satchel. Is there a reason anyone would want this bag? You may argue that for the beach it will be sufficient, but I assure you this is not the case. Fendi meant for this handbag to be taken seriously, not taken to the beach, and even if you are a Fendi lover I highly doubt you can justify taking this bag anywhere (let alone the beach). So to keep from really making the people behind Fendi from feeling that I do not like them one iota, I will stop this post here. Because I could go on, and it could get ugly. Laugh at the bag, laugh at the price, and laugh at the fool who falls for it.

Via Bergdorf Goodman for $1580.

P.S. Do you love how I made the pictures of the bag ultra-tiny? It was to spare your eyes from a picture that got any larger and could further your view of the bag anymore! See, I am looking out for you all :wink:

fendi-leopard-bbag.jpgYet another incarnation of that Fendi B, this Fendi Leopard B bag looks a bit more leprous than leopard to me. The shape of the bag is kind of weird and evocative of a cyclops to begin with, but that doesn’t bother me as much as the hideous execution of leopard print. If this bag actually came from a leopard, it would’ve been a leopard that had spent its life rolling around in a combination of mud and its own ignoble feces. Honestly, why so dark and dirty with the leopard print? Leopard is supposed to be vibrant. Instead, the spots all over the bag look strangely, as I said, leprous and hideous. And then the worst part is that the buckle is also leopard but in a different color! Lighter as if to accentuate the strange diseased poopiness of the rest of the bag, like gleaming scar tissue! This bag is just all wrong in a way that kind of makes my skin crawl. If you want leopard, try a cheerier option, I beg you. If, for whatever reason you cannot resist this mess, the bag is available at net-a-porter for $1,040. Just be careful, as it might infect you.

Fendi Zucca Print Palazzo Bucket Bag I still love getting an Easter basket, even at my age. Luckily I will be home for Easter this year and you better believe I expect a basket. Even better is because of my food allergies, the Easter Bunny brings me designer clothing along with some special candy just for me. Yup! So if my funds were unlimited and I was living a life of extreme luxury, I would ask the Bunny to replace my old wicker basket with the Fendi Zucca Print Palazzo Bucket Bag. Looks like an Easter basket with a Zucca-print canvas. I’m not even big on the logo pattern, but sure, why not. There is gold-tone hardware and studs, a cute spring twister shoulder strap, and a drawstring top. This means that when I am doing my Easter egg hunt I can store the eggs safely with the safe drawstring top. Buy your new Easter basket via Bergdorf Goodman for $1150.

*If you know me, you realize this post was super sarcastic.

Fendi Canvas Coated Crossword Bag

I’m a girl who loves her pinks and purples, but there are times that it is way too over done, especially if it is on a fugly-as-fugly-can-be bag. I have already ragged on this bag before, and now Fendi chose to continue on its fugly journey and create another color combination. It hurts my eyes, and the dude sitting behind me in Starbucks eyes. Blind yourself briefly with the image of the Fendi Canvas Coated Crossword Bag, which is thrown together with purple canvas coated crossing and weaving. Then there is fuchsia pink to trim these ugly woven strips. No thanks on so many levels, including the price tag of $1460 via Browns. Gag.

Marc by Marc Jacobs Canvas Backpack

I had many friends in high school who had a ‘family life’ class (or something of the sort), where the females had to put on a faux-pregnant belly to see what it will feel like to be pregnant. Along with that was sex education. Being in private Catholic school, I never had to try on that belly because all Catholic girls wait until marriage and do not need sex education ever {insert total sarcasm here}. But if I were in that ‘family life’ class, I would envision the faux baby bump to resemble the Marc by Marc Jacobs Canvas Backpack. This backpack is exclusive to Barneys New York and is made with natural toned canvas. There are three cargo pockets, which form a great preggy belly, and a removable star sequin detail. This merely reminds me of the scene in 10 Things I Hate About You where Bianca is seen wearing the pregnant suit to remind her of what she will carry for 9 months if she supersedes the Stork bringing a baby. Exclusively a laughable joke via Barneys for $198. Hey, at least it is cheap.

Michael Kors Jet Set Monogram Satchel I have said it at least 100 times in 100 different entries, the whole over-zealous monogram pattern does not do it for me. I want the beauty of the bag to attract the attention, not the logofied style. Even worse is designers who do not typically use a monogram pattern, or have not found success with one, using it like it is hip. Gag me. Upon first glance of the Michael Kors Jet Set Monogram Satchel, I thought of two things: ‘mmmmmkayyyyy’ by Mr. Mackey and Mary Kate Olsen. Those are two things you do not want a potential buyer to think of when looking at a Michael Kors bag. The shape is great, the leather trim is stunning, the push lock closure is cute, but the monogram-embossing makes me seriously laugh and want to gag all at once. Kors, stick to what you know works, simple bags without your initials splattered all over it. Especially when your initials will make people think of at least two totally opposite things. I mean really, who thinks of Michael Kors when they first see the initials MK? Not me. And that is not a good sign. Via eLuxury for $328.

Louis Vuitton Tribute Patchwork Bag Avoiding this bag like the plague or a wretched over-sized scarlet letter, I have placed my eyes and mind behind a rock for as long as I can. But there is so much fuss over this egregious error in the handbag world, that I might as well give my 2 cents. Limited edition handbags give us purse fanatics something to drool over, to lust after, to want. Louis Vuitton has released many limited edition lines in the past that were total hits. But there comes a time when no matter how limited something is, no matter how much fuss goes behind it, no matter how limited the quantity is, the product just plain old sucks.

That is exactly what we are facing with the Louis Vuitton Tribute Patchwork Bag which combines samples of 15 different Louis Vuitton Handbags from the spring/summer cruise line. There is a little of this and a little of that. The ‘this’ is seriously hideous while the ‘that’ makes my eyes burn as if I have looked into the burning sun for about 5 days straight. It is like a train wreck smörgÃ¥sbord. It is a clean edged persons’ nightmare. It is the laughing stock of the handbag world. It is sold out world wide, all 24 of them. :shock: Yes, that is right, sold out. I can hardly even fathom why anyone would drop over $45,000 on the top one or $38,000 on the bottom one.

The way I see it is that this was a PR stunt for a company that is well-established and really did not need the bad PR. What really gets me thinking that this is ‘shameless PR promotion’ is the fact that this bag keeps getting named the “most expensive bag in the world“. Pluueaaaze. Anyone hear of a Hermes Croc Diamond Encrusted Birkin? That is a work of art and can start around $80k and reach upwards of $130k. So I don’t want to hear this false information about the Patchwork being the most expensive bag in the world. Yet, of the 24 bags, all have been sold in record time. Bet your bottom you will see one marked up on eBay soon, my guess, around $60,000. While I understand owning a piece that is so limited is enticing, I would think that the way the piece actually looks should play a part in it all. A Louis Vuitton spokesperson said that these fug bags “take all the best parts of the season’s creations and rolls them into one. We are confident that the bag is utterly exclusive and that it will remain so.” I don’t think you will have a problem with these staying exclusive, no one in their right mind will really want one, and many people that do can not afford it, and those who were tripping when they bought it are still too trippy to know the difference.

Another image after the jump… that is, if you can handle it!
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Miu Miu Antiqued Leather Handbag

First glance, I thought this bag was a great shape. Slouchy leather, with a detachable shoulder strap makes a perfect messenger bag, right? Wrong. Vlad looks at this bag and says “Is it uni-sex?”. There lies the problem. The Miu Miu Antiqued Leather Handbag is a perfect shaped everyday messenger bag but is manly and burly. Look like a man on a mission to go do something manly, say chug a beer, not shave your beard, walk in 4 inches of mud and not care, or get smashed watching football if you carry this bag. The mere fact that Vlad thinks he could carry it too turns me away from its brown antiqued leather. Hand-held or across the body this bag screams out masculine, and unless that is what you are going for, I wouldn’t spend a penny on it. Buy it through Net A Porter for $1385 for a man.

Prada Tessuto Oro Chain Bag

Hope you all had a wonderful weekend! The weather here was delightful and hopefully this week stays just as beautiful. As spring rears her beautiful head around the corner, spring and summer bags are trying to make their way into our arms. Some I am drooling over and some I am laughing at. Take the Prada Tessuto Oro Chain Bag for example. Here you will see a small bag that has an overly long strap to wear this tiny thing across your body and a stencil cut logo plate that is downright tawdry. If you are about 2 feet tall, wearing such a small bag (5″H X 7″L) across your body may look good, but those of us upwards of 2 feet will look silly in this bag. Take me for example, 5’10 sporting a tiny bag that is a fugly and overly tacky logo plate. This is the kind of fug bag that you use to draw attention to yourself, bad attention. If you are desperate, try it in either white, black, or orange (Halloween color theme?) through Saks for $395.

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