Fugly

I’m a girl who loves her pinks and purples, but there are times that it is way too over done, especially if it is on a fugly-as-fugly-can-be bag. I have already ragged on this bag before, and now Fendi chose to continue on its fugly journey and create another color combination. It hurts my eyes, and the dude sitting behind me in Starbucks eyes. Blind yourself briefly with the image of the Fendi Canvas Coated Crossword Bag, which is thrown together with purple canvas coated crossing and weaving. Then there is fuchsia pink to trim these ugly woven strips. No thanks on so many levels, including the price tag of $1460 via Browns. Gag.

I had many friends in high school who had a ‘family life’ class (or something of the sort), where the females had to put on a faux-pregnant belly to see what it will feel like to be pregnant. Along with that was sex education. Being in private Catholic school, I never had to try on that belly because all Catholic girls wait until marriage and do not need sex education ever {insert total sarcasm here}. But if I were in that ‘family life’ class, I would envision the faux baby bump to resemble the Marc by Marc Jacobs Canvas Backpack. This backpack is exclusive to Barneys New York and is made with natural toned canvas. There are three cargo pockets, which form a great preggy belly, and a removable star sequin detail. This merely reminds me of the scene in 10 Things I Hate About You where Bianca is seen wearing the pregnant suit to remind her of what she will carry for 9 months if she supersedes the Stork bringing a baby. Exclusively a laughable joke via Barneys for $198. Hey, at least it is cheap.

I have said it at least 100 times in 100 different entries, the whole over-zealous monogram pattern does not do it for me. I want the beauty of the bag to attract the attention, not the logofied style. Even worse is designers who do not typically use a monogram pattern, or have not found success with one, using it like it is hip. Gag me. Upon first glance of the Michael Kors Jet Set Monogram Satchel, I thought of two things: ‘mmmmmkayyyyy’ by Mr. Mackey and Mary Kate Olsen. Those are two things you do not want a potential buyer to think of when looking at a Michael Kors bag. The shape is great, the leather trim is stunning, the push lock closure is cute, but the monogram-embossing makes me seriously laugh and want to gag all at once. Kors, stick to what you know works, simple bags without your initials splattered all over it. Especially when your initials will make people think of at least two totally opposite things. I mean really, who thinks of Michael Kors when they first see the initials MK? Not me. And that is not a good sign. Via eLuxury for $328.

Avoiding this bag like the plague or a wretched over-sized scarlet letter, I have placed my eyes and mind behind a rock for as long as I can. But there is so much fuss over this egregious error in the handbag world, that I might as well give my 2 cents. Limited edition handbags give us purse fanatics something to drool over, to lust after, to want. Louis Vuitton has released many limited edition lines in the past that were total hits. But there comes a time when no matter how limited something is, no matter how much fuss goes behind it, no matter how limited the quantity is, the product just plain old sucks.

That is exactly what we are facing with the Louis Vuitton Tribute Patchwork Bag which combines samples of 15 different Louis Vuitton Handbags from the spring/summer cruise line. There is a little of this and a little of that. The ‘this’ is seriously hideous while the ‘that’ makes my eyes burn as if I have looked into the burning sun for about 5 days straight. It is like a train wreck smörgåsbord. It is a clean edged persons’ nightmare. It is the laughing stock of the handbag world. It is sold out world wide, all 24 of them. Yes, that is right, sold out. I can hardly even fathom why anyone would drop over $45,000 on the top one or $38,000 on the bottom one.

The way I see it is that this was a PR stunt for a company that is well-established and really did not need the bad PR. What really gets me thinking that this is ’shameless PR promotion’ is the fact that this bag keeps getting named the “most expensive bag in the world“. Pluueaaaze. Anyone hear of a Hermes Croc Diamond Encrusted Birkin? That is a work of art and can start around $80k and reach upwards of $130k. So I don’t want to hear this false information about the Patchwork being the most expensive bag in the world. Yet, of the 24 bags, all have been sold in record time. Bet your bottom you will see one marked up on eBay soon, my guess, around $60,000. While I understand owning a piece that is so limited is enticing, I would think that the way the piece actually looks should play a part in it all. A Louis Vuitton spokesperson said that these fug bags “take all the best parts of the season’s creations and rolls them into one. We are confident that the bag is utterly exclusive and that it will remain so.” I don’t think you will have a problem with these staying exclusive, no one in their right mind will really want one, and many people that do can not afford it, and those who were tripping when they bought it are still too trippy to know the difference.

Another image after the jump… that is, if you can handle it!
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First glance, I thought this bag was a great shape. Slouchy leather, with a detachable shoulder strap makes a perfect messenger bag, right? Wrong. Vlad looks at this bag and says “Is it uni-sex?”. There lies the problem. The Miu Miu Antiqued Leather Handbag is a perfect shaped everyday messenger bag but is manly and burly. Look like a man on a mission to go do something manly, say chug a beer, not shave your beard, walk in 4 inches of mud and not care, or get smashed watching football if you carry this bag. The mere fact that Vlad thinks he could carry it too turns me away from its brown antiqued leather. Hand-held or across the body this bag screams out masculine, and unless that is what you are going for, I wouldn’t spend a penny on it. Buy it through Net A Porter for $1385 for a man.

Hope you all had a wonderful weekend! The weather here was delightful and hopefully this week stays just as beautiful. As spring rears her beautiful head around the corner, spring and summer bags are trying to make their way into our arms. Some I am drooling over and some I am laughing at. Take the Prada Tessuto Oro Chain Bag for example. Here you will see a small bag that has an overly long strap to wear this tiny thing across your body and a stencil cut logo plate that is downright tawdry. If you are about 2 feet tall, wearing such a small bag (5″H X 7″L) across your body may look good, but those of us upwards of 2 feet will look silly in this bag. Take me for example, 5′10 sporting a tiny bag that is a fugly and overly tacky logo plate. This is the kind of fug bag that you use to draw attention to yourself, bad attention. If you are desperate, try it in either white, black, or orange (Halloween color theme?) through Saks for $395.

Drop everything and anything that matters and makes sense in your life!!! Seriously, get yourself to Bergdorf Goodman and order the Prada Napa Fringe Hobo in ivory before it goes out of stock! Ok, my sarcasm level is an all time high right now. I have been like a see-saw with this bag; I hated it, it looked good on Victoria Beckham but I still wouldn’t wear it, then I hate it again. It is really just fugly. And I have come to the conclusion that just because Victoria Beckham and her ridiculous Barbie-dollesqe body can pull something off, does not make it a good bag. So if you do like this bag, then more power to you and it is readily in stock in both ivory and black. And if you don’t like this bag, then join me in mocking it (especially the ivory version, the fringe is SO limp and droopy). Through Saks for $2195.

Rawr? Animal print has been used through out fashion time to add a bit of sex appeal and a racy flare, but this bag is overdone. When most consumers look for animal print, they want a splash of it, not an entire bag of it. Come on, couldn’t the B Bag signature buckle at least be plain black or even matte gold? Welcome your eyes to the disaster at Fendi, the Fendi Leopard B Bag. An attempt at sassy gone awry, this hobo features leopard print fabric, chunky brass hardware and brass strap, and a leopard print patent leather buckle. Over-kill is making this handbag road-kill in my eyes. Via Net-A-Porter for approximately $1,131.

Check out the equally ugly, if not worse, little sister (Fendi Mini Leopard B Bag). This ugly duckling is all patent leather with in-your-face leopard print, which really stands out more than necessary. I think I am a tad cross-eyed from these bags!

Note: If for some reason you want to buy this bag, you have to check it out through GBP not $USD on NAP. Different bags for different parts of the world!

A new fringe bag that has sparked all sort of debate is the Prada Fringe Tote that I once really despised and then decided I liked *on Victoria Beckham*. Between those stars are the key words. Blasphemy some shouted! But can any of us help the fact that VB looks beyond stunning in nearly anything that goes on her body?? She has that curse, and I would definitely take on that curse if anyone asked me to. But this new little rendition has me in and my opinion will surely not change at any time. Appearing as if it is straight from an episode of That 70’s Show, the Prada Napa Messenger Bag is straight up fugilicious. Sure the Prada name is flung onto this Napa leather bag, but the fringed shoulder strap is a hideous attempt at bringing fringe sexiness back. The only shot they have at making this bag partially appealing is the fact that the fringe shoulder strap is detachable. This means that when the richest of the rich happen to have a dress up 70’s theme party the bag will suit them, and then one day, they can take the monstrosity of a fringe strap off and give it to their pure bred pup as a chew toy. Gag me. Pre-order via Saks 5th Ave for $1050.