Fugly Bags (Page 5)

Appalling, atrocious, disastrous, grisly, haglike, horrid, repelling, repugnant, repulsive, revolting, and unsightly. Am I being too harsh? Take a gander at Fendi’s Fall Fug line. Go ahead, you be the judge.

1. Fendi Forever Sequined Borsa. A lost cause. {$760}
2. Fendi Raddica Boston Bag. No theme necessary. {$1595}
3. Fendi Box Clutch. Confetti meets alphabet soup. {$1490}
4. Fendi Sequined Clutch. Flashy-fug. {$1630}
5. Fendi Shearling Shopping Chef Bag. Use in place of your Swiffer. {$5040}
6. Fendi Woven Zucca Bowler. Fug around the world. {$1470}

My mom made her clothes growing up, because her mom made her clothes when she was growing up. My mom even made our Halloween costumes for a few years, then realized the beauty of buying store bought costumes and threw away her sewing machine (not literally). I never learned to make clothes. I can’t even hem pants, but it is on my to-learn list. I am pretty certain that my mom could have made most of this handbag. The Chloe Katie Embroidered Bag appears easy to make if you have some wool in various colors and glue and a plain bag. I just do not see the appeal of the gray embroidery placed on top of black leather with a silver chain strap thrown on. Furthermore, I find an odd resemblance to the pattern on this Chloe Bag to the Monogram LV pattern (see below). So my final thought is to gather some materials and ask my ever-handy mother or grandmother to make this handbag for me. Via NAP for $1670.

Why ruin a good thing? Marc, you had people liking your Stam. People were buying it and wearing it. Even some of the ‘why-are-they-even-celebs’ celebs were sporting it. And then you had to go and ruin it. You had to decide to make it hideous and repulsive. You had to make me look at it and laugh then cringe then throw up a little in my mouth. This is the Marc Jacobs Python Patchwork Stam which is fugly done-up with frosty metallic blue python. The golden hardware paired with the blue python spells out capital Tacky. And the price, it is not even free. Oh no, it is going to set you back $4000 at Saks. This is a total joke, right

Oh the 80′s. A time of neon colors, MC Hammer pants, leg warmers, big hair, Rubik’s Cubes, and fingerless gloves. Sure it is fun to dress up for a party (key words here are dress up and party) in neon, but to carry it on a day to day basis is a fashion don’t. I really want to meet with Fendi and ask what in the hell is going on with the latest designs. They are laughable to say the least. After the fug that was the Spy, there are now three neon metallic wallets. The Fendi Neon Buckle Wallet is available in the primary colors, red, yellow/orange, and blue, in Zucca print metallic neon coated leather. Why was this done? Somebody help Fendi, ASAP. There is a club nearby that has 80′s night, and a wallet like this would be the perfect accessory for that one night, but other than that I can not imagine pulling this fugly thing out of my handbag. I would turn red with embarrassment and wish to melt away. $395 at eLuxury available in blue, yellow/orange, and red.

It has been made clear that I am not a fan of the Fendi Crossword Bag. But about 5% of me can understand this white version of the bag being liked by a limited number of people. The country club going, golf playing, IZOD wearing, tennis skirt loving people may find a liking to this bag. The Fendi White Crossword Bag is clean but is still cheaply made and fugly in my opinion. I find the patent leather and mesh to look 100% poorly made. The weave of the materials would make the bag look more like a beach tote, which at least then I could give it a little more credit. But in my own mind I can still see some tennis and/or golf clad woman out there wearing it and pulling it off. I will still laugh when I see it, knowing that my stereotype was right. And I will laugh even more knowing that they paid a ridiculous price for this so-called designer bag.

Buy through Net-A-Porter for $1560.

Correct me if I am wrong but typically a new designer wants to be noticed by their first bag in a good way. Why on Earth would anyone send out one of its first bags with a huge and hideous oversized B on the front? Welcome to the fug that is the Biba Patent B Clutch. A shade of brown that resembles and infants dirty diaper, this camel patent leather looks fug and the B metal detailing is even worse. Does Biba think they are so big they can do this? You have not proven yourself to be able to fling your initials everywhere, and now I can not even take you seriously. I just do not like this bag, not one bit. If your name starts with a B, at least the clutch will look personalized, but if you ask me the B merely stands for downright “BAD”. Via Neiman Marcus for $550.

If you are looking for me, find me hiding in a dark closet in the ends of the Earth behind my ex-beloved Fendi Spy. I should not be embarrassed to own a stunning Honey Spy, but now Fendi is just looking to be dragged into the open and stoned (with soft gummy bears or something, I am not that morbid). These bags are atrocious, the kind that makes you look and laugh out loud and then ponder what the hell is going on at the house of Fendi. This is not stylish, this is a mockery of handbags. The Fendi Large Sequin Spy Bag has silver/gold/brown paillettes and sequins spewed all over the front to resemble either Xerxes face or some sort of monstrous bell-tower dweller. The cluster mess just makes me cringe. If you buy this, people will be able to hear you click-clack-ringing from miles away. I am just at a loss of words. How about Fendi resigns. We are really just waiting for something decent, no more orange metallic fug or over sequin awful hideousness. Help us out please, stop anyone from buying this ghastly piece for an absurd price; Neiman Marcus for $4890.

My own rendition below!