Fugly

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Pauric Sweeney Padded Patchwork Top Handle in FuchsiaSo, the 1980s throwback trend is, like, a thing. I get that. I’m even a moderate supporter of it, when done correctly. The 80s were a time of excess and fashion-forwardness and questionable taste, and everyone loves that, right? Right. Except when it’s done like the Pauric Sweeney Padded Patchwork Top Handle, I don’t love it. At all. Not even a little. It kind of makes my eyes hurt to look at it. This isn’t just a winking reference to 80s ridiculousness – this is taking something that was already fug back then and making it more fug and more expensive 25 years later. And I, for one, am not fooled and not impressed. In order to do “retro” correctly, a designer has to somehow make it sleeker and more modern than it was to begin with, and there’s nothing about this bag that looks updated in the least. It wasn’t cute then, and it’s not cute now, sadly; it’s a retro-gone-wrong monstrosity. Even if this bag was given to me for free, I sincerely doubt I would wear it to anything but a costume party. Buy through LuisaViaRoma for € 810.00.

My endless hours of wedding planning is truly cutting into my day, mostly my night. While the wedding planning is taking the first 8 hours of the day (I know, that seems excessive but this last month before the weeding seems hectic as anything!), my work ends up being rather short, and my relaxing is totally killed. The end-of-the-day hang out period is much needed and now my entire being feels overloaded. Need more rest. Need more decompressing. Need my life back. So now you get my blog entry from my bed. Sitting up? No. Lights on? No. I am literally laying in the same position that I will soon drift off to sleep in, maybe in the next 5 minutes. My laptop will somehow end up flung onto the ground, and it won’t upset me, as it does not directly affect my wedding. I crave more rest. And I am finding a great handbag that can give that, believe it or not. (more…)

I have not actually labeled a handbag a fug bag for a while. So long in fact that you all make wake up to a shock on Purse Blog. It is right, I am starting the week off with a fug bag. But can you really blame me? I mean, come on, I have a bone to pick with this bag. Where do I even begin here? Ok, let me try.

I have given so much love to Jimmy Choo bags and now I have to take it all back, at least take it back for this bag. First of all, plain and simple, what the heck is going on? Who really wants to pay nearly $1,100 for a sack of tacky PVC? I have the unfortunate task of introducing you to the Jimmy Choo Dylan Beach Bag, which is made with clear and neon pink PVC. I get it, we all need beach bags. And right now in Florida it is still in the 70’s, so it is still beach weather friendly. But this look is just all kinds of cheap. Really, there is not much else for me to say.

Do you need a good and sturdy beach bag? Yes. Even a plastic beach bag is a major plus as far as clean up goes. But to spend this exorbitant amount of money for the name is silly. And most importantly the bag does not even look great. I love Jimmy Choo, I love Jimmy Choo bags, but this bag makes no sense to me in so many ways. Over-spend at Net A Porter for $1050.

Don’t even ask, because I have absolutely ZERO idea what is going on with this bag. Is it a joke? It is for real? Is it for the kid at school that likes hunting? Is it actually intended for a grown-up? I have no idea and for the life of me I can not see why Stella McCartney paired with LeSportsac to create this thing. Actually it has indeed been quite a while since I deemed a handbag a fug bag, and now here I am baffled and confused and checking this one right into the fug category. I typically like the simplicity of many LeSportsac bags, but then we have this rendition of a handbag, the Stella McCartney for LeSportsac Deer Rucksack. The only cool thing about the bag is that it is designed with recycled polyester, from there it goes incredibly downhill. The dimensions are not really large enough for the bag to fit comfortably on a grown body, 8″W x 14″H x 1″D, so maybe the argument is that it is intended for a child? And even then, would you want your kid to be *that kid with the deer backpack*? I am all for kids defining their own style, but sometimes, you have to put your foot down. This bag is just all kinds of wrong. What do you think Stella and LeSportsac were thinking? Am I missing something? Buy through Nordstrom for $85. Hey, at least it is cheap (both in price and looks).

marc jacobs bag on bag
Marc Jacobs Bag on Bag

There was an earful of negative comments about the Marc Jacobs Color Block Pouchette bag. While some believed it was merely Marc paying an homage to Hermes and other commented that Hermes was not the first to design the lock, the majority did not care for the bag. I am a fan of Marc Jacobs but that does not mean that many of his bags are not my style. After the pouchette Marc needed to redeem himself. Unbeknown to him the next Marc Jacobs bags I cover are more horrendous than the first. These are not the only two, but there is an entire line of the Marc Jacobs Bag on Bags. These bags are supposed to give an artful feel, with a front pouch attached to the main bag. There is a version at eLuxury that shows off a red grained leather tote with a front pouch attached with sequin detail. Then there is a mesh tote version at eLuxury which sports a pink lace bag on the front. I would have easily been able to love this bag more if the pouch glued on front is removable, therefor making it a two-for-one deal, but the totes merely have a pouch stuck on the front. Why would you even care to use this pouch? Is there even a point really? And if it is just for looks, the look is nothing to my liking. I am a lover of art pieces but this is not even my kind of art. All I want to know is what was Marc Jacobs thinking? The only way I want to see this bag is on its way down the runway for a show, and then put away or on exhibit for good. Buy the red version at eLuxury for $2,650 and the lace and mesh version at Saks for $2,100.

Marc Jacobs Color Block Pouchette
Marc Jacobs Color Block Pouchette

Some say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Though this is true, many times I really beg to differ. It is easy to sit back and say this phrase when referring to someone else, but when your idea, your grueling work, your sleepless nights, are copied it feels 100% horrible. Actually, it feels so bad you could go find that ‘stealer’ and knock them over the head with a salami. When a huge name like Marc Jacobs ‘imitates’ from an even bigger name, Hermes, do you think there are similar feelings? Most likely not, seeing as Hermes is one of the most exclusive design houses in the world. Furthermore, imitating too closely will only make Marc Jacobs look bad. The Marc Jacobs Color Block Pouchette is a case of imitation gone wrong. When imitating, you must take what you see and do it better, or else it is a total flop. This pouchette is a flop, a colorful disaster, and just does not mesh. The colors are indeed bold but they hurt my eyes with the hues placed together, lilac quilted leather and orange trim. The major problem is the double flap top which is finished off with a turn-lock closure and padlock detail. Marc might as well of come clean and just called it the ‘iconic Hermes padlock’. Not only am I not feeling it, but many of the ladies and gents on the Purse Forum are saying shame on Marc Jacobs! Pre-order through Bergdorf Goodman for $1275.

What do you think: Flattering for Hermes or an embarrassment for Marc Jacobs?

Juicy Couture Flower Tote
Juicy Couture Flower Tote

Dear Juicy Couture,

Really?? Did you think because floral prints were seen on the runway for Spring/Summer 2008 that this bag would be acceptable. I understand that you appeal to a younger crowd, but we are talking like tweens and teens, not 3 year olds in daycare. Your Juicy Couture Flower Tote is absolutely one of the worst fug bags I have ever laid my eyes on. There is something about the super cheap floral appliques in the Easter colors that makes me feel a little queasy. This is not even a good beach bag, not a good child’s bag, it is just horrible. And you knew it would be. The fact of the matter is that this large tote, 16″L x 11″W x 6″D, costs less than one of your terry cloth jackets. The pink is horrible, the green is atrocious, and I do not care to see the yellow. Seeing this bag only solidifies the fact that I do indeed hate the Valentino Rosette Tote and I can barely stand to look at the Juicy Couture Flower Tote ($95 via Saks).

So please, stick to what you know. Every Desperate Housewife Wanna-Be LOVES your two piece track suits. Granted, *I* even love the jackets (though wearing the entire suit at one time past the age of 20 should not be done but that is an entirely different story).

Sincerely,

Purse Blog

Valentino Rosette Tote

Earlier today I told you the crazy patterns and designs are a huge hit for spring. Some are really stunning, some are quirky but cool, and some are downright fugly! The overwhelming opinion on the Jimmy Choo Face Canvas Bag is that it is a huge miss and totally creepy. That makes me certain many of you will hate the Valentino Rosette Tote also, with its plastered fuchsia rosettes. I am all for playing with some leather to make it bunch to look like a rose, in ONE place on the bag. But this fug bag is all about the roses, and it makes me think the bees will live in your bag and build hives. Not only will you need to keep the cute hummingbirds away, but go grab some hive killer! This bag is killer. The black patent leather trim and gold-tone hardware only make it look older and more Driving Miss Daisy mixed with Red Hat Society. It is just hideous from every angle and for each aspect. So far my take on many of the crazy themed/faced/designed/printed bags for the next season are totally drab. I am waiting for one to catch my attention. Pre-order through Saks for $1,950.

Zac Posen Bo Small Shoulder Bag
Zac Posen Bo Small Shoulder Bag

Love his clothing, love many of his bags, but Zac Posen has totally fallen off the wagon with this one. It is an awkward handbag, this Zac Posen Bo Small Shoulder Bag. The Bo part might as well be the name of the cat that it is designed after, because right when I looked at this fug bag I saw an animal’s face. There are whiskers, eyes, a nose, just add the mouth and ears and you are set. Everything about it is off, and the dimensions are huge; 17.5″ (at base)x 9″x 2.5″! That means this will eat up your body and you either get it in the honey/yellow, a-la-Garfield, or the slate/multi. Sometimes is just all wrong. The bag looks off on so many levels. Sure, the materials are great and Zac Posen is an amazing designer, but I am hoping he signed off on this without looking at it, because it is so totally fug to me! Through eLuxury for $1,195.

Miu Miu Small Shoulder Bag Do you ever look at individual pieces of a whole, love them, but hate the whole? It happens to me all the time. How many meals have you eaten where the ingredients sound amazing but when you mush them all together you automatically raise your napkin to your mouth and attempt to do the very obvious unflattering ‘polite spit’? At least when it happens with a handbag you know what you are getting into, unlike the random meal you ate. The aspects of the Miu Miu Small Shoulder Bag are appealing individually, but put them all together and you have a tacky fug bag. First there is stunning luscious turquoise leather. The color just pops and is perfect for spring and summer. The slouch of the leather shows the buttery soft quality which makes me want to smoosh it up to my face and fall asleep on it. The gold hardware really pops. The handle features clasps on either side which give a nice addition. But then there is the finished product, which looks fit for a 12 year old. Not that there is something wrong with a 12 year old, but there is something so tacky and juvenile about this bag. Sure, it is said to be a small shoulder bag, but it is too small for my liking. It looks ridiculous on the model, which means it will look atrocious on a ‘real size’ person. The depth is a mere 2″, while the width is 11″ and height is 10″; which looks squished, flat, and weird. Granted, I am 5’10 so I see things differently, but if you are over 5’3, putting a shoulder bag on this small won’t look good. Then there is the gold hardware on the turquoise leather; it screams out gaudy. Something about turquoise and gold do not mesh, they are both overpowering and they are fighting for the spotlight on this bag. End result is an in-your-face combination. I love the color, love the leather, love the idea, but am not feeling the finished product at all. Buy through Net A Porter for $760. (more…)

Chloe Beata Patent Shoulder Bag

This handbag is so manly it is making my estrogen run and hide. Seriously, I understand that Chloe wants to sport the chunky hardware and thick leather look, but everything about this handbag screams out brute-force-man. Feast your eyes on the testosterone filled Chloe Beata Patent Shoulder Bag, which looks as if it belongs in a male society before it belongs on the arm of a fashionable woman. The leather is thick, hideous, and a horrid shade of mahogany (which needs to stick to furniture rather than coloring of a handbag). And even worse, the leather is patent, giving off a gleam that will attract any passerby attention and also force them to stare at this bag. The inside out straps only further go to show that this bag is a disaster. I am just so turned off by this bag. After looking at it, I feel as if I need to go into my bathroom and put on layers of pretty pink nail polish and lip stick. And for the price, there are tons of spa treatments I would prefer to keep me looking young and beautiful. Via NAP for $1740.

Marc Jacobs Monica Mink Python Clutch

There are those fools in life that are certain buying an expensive good means it is fashionable. Let me tell you (although as loyal Purse Blog readers you already know!) that is not true! Take this extremely fug bag for example; the Marc Jacobs Monica Mink Python Clutch attempts to combine exotic materials, mink and python, to make stylish handbag. But look for yourself, it is evident that this handbag is far from fabulous, it looks like a mess of a bag. Sure, mink feels like heaven, but in this handbag it looks like hell. The buckle detail adds a knap-sack feel, which is not the hi-ho silver look I am going for when dishing out $3k on ‘luxury’. And this clutch is large, measuring 13″W X 8½”H X 2″D, which means everyone will be able to see it and question your fashion sense. Totally a waste of $2950 at Saks.

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