Fugly Bags (Page 2)

Sometimes we get caught up in our work that we forget to take a minute to step back and take it all in…

Pursebloggers, I am confused by the Barneys New York Chic Chain Bag on a few levels.

First, I’m confused that Barneys really makes house-brand bags. Of course, I knew on a factual level that they did, but really? Do luxury goods customers want house brands? Even if the house is a good house? I can’t imagine anyone looking to spend a large amount of money on a bag would look first to something not even made by a proper design house. As much as I like buying supermarket-brand milk and cheese at the grocery store (it’s the same stuff! Cheaper!), I would never do the same with money that I saved up to by something special and luxurious.

I drank a freakin’ gallon of sangria yesterday and I’m trying to stop my head from exploding all over my couch, so we’re going to get right to the point on this one: the Donna Karan Drawstring Shoulder Bag? It has a face. A FROG FACE. You see it, right?

The holes at the top corners are the eyes, and the top flap is the same shape as a frog’s upper lip, with one of the bag’s folds forming the lower lip. If it was green, it would be Kermit. And perhaps it would be better if it was, because it’s not doing a very good job of being a handbag. I can’t recall another bag that has left me so utterly confused as to what the designer was trying to accomplish. The body of the bag has a set of drawstrings running down each side and little loops hanging out the bottom, although I can’t see any way to hold the drawstrings in place if you wanted to scrunch up the bag. And why would you? That would just make it awkward to carry and give the inside of the bag lots of folds inside which your stuff could hide, never to be seen again. Plus, it looks like an amphibian. I’ll pass. Buy through Saks for $1595.

Anyone care to take a guess as to why I’m writing about this bag? Anyone? No? Ok. Well, I’m writing about the Versace Turquoise Fox Hexagonal Tote purely for my own entertainment. As of late, more or less everything Versace does makes me want to punch someone in the face (and even if one of their bags isn’t bad, the price is atrocious), so when my mom somehow found this bag and emailed it to me earlier this morning, I couldn’t NOT take the chance to make fun of them. And really, this bag is more deserving of ridicule than any other that I’ve seen lately.

It looks like the Cookie Monster and Snuffleupagus had sex, and the resulting baby was skinned and turned into a handbag (yes, I had to Google to find out how to spell ‘Snuffleupagus’ I thought it had more F’s, personally). That kind of violence against muppets will certainly not be tolerated here at PurseBlog, and the immense cruelty towards children’s entertainment that Versace has shown with this handbag will not soon be forgotten. For shame, Donatella. What are you going to do next, skin the Florida Gator’s mascot and make a clutch out of it? Actually, on second thought, I would be completely ok with that. Just stay away from Big Bird. Buy through Bluefly for $3532.99.

Alright, I’ve done it! I’ve found a bag that not a single one of you will be able to say that Marc Jacobs ripped off from Chanel. Why? Because the Marc Jacobs Amazon Shoulder Bag is far too bizarre to be ripped off from any serious designer. I also think that this will be the first MJ bag in a while without a good bit of “I love it!”/”I hate it!” comment fights – I think you’re all going to hate it (if you don’t, then comment and prove me wrong!). I’m certainly not a fan. It’s just an uninventive small crossbody bag with a layer flap that doesn’t match. Not only does the purse not match itself, but it won’t match anything else in your wardrobe, either. I’m all for doing odd things when they’re done in a way that looks artistic or high-end, and this looks like neither of those things, sadly. It looks more home-sewn and pieced together than anything. Expect it on a sale rack near you very soon. Buy through eLuxury for $2850.

So, the 1980s throwback trend is, like, a thing. I get that. I’m even a moderate supporter of it, when done correctly. The 80s were a time of excess and fashion-forwardness and questionable taste, and everyone loves that, right? Right. Except when it’s done like the Pauric Sweeney Padded Patchwork Top Handle, I don’t love it. At all. Not even a little. It kind of makes my eyes hurt to look at it. This isn’t just a winking reference to 80s ridiculousness – this is taking something that was already fug back then and making it more fug and more expensive 25 years later. And I, for one, am not fooled and not impressed. In order to do “retro” correctly, a designer has to somehow make it sleeker and more modern than it was to begin with, and there’s nothing about this bag that looks updated in the least. It wasn’t cute then, and it’s not cute now, sadly; it’s a retro-gone-wrong monstrosity. Even if this bag was given to me for free, I sincerely doubt I would wear it to anything but a costume party. Buy through LuisaViaRoma for € 810.00.

My endless hours of wedding planning is truly cutting into my day, mostly my night. While the wedding planning is taking the first 8 hours of the day (I know, that seems excessive but this last month before the weeding seems hectic as anything!), my work ends up being rather short, and my relaxing is totally killed. The end-of-the-day hang out period is much needed and now my entire being feels overloaded. Need more rest. Need more decompressing. Need my life back. So now you get my blog entry from my bed. Sitting up? No. Lights on? No. I am literally laying in the same position that I will soon drift off to sleep in, maybe in the next 5 minutes. My laptop will somehow end up flung onto the ground, and it won’t upset me, as it does not directly affect my wedding. I crave more rest. And I am finding a great handbag that can give that, believe it or not.