Fugly

A fuggin’ we will go, a fuggin’ we will go, Hi-Ho the ugly bag, a fuggin’ we will go! It’s been a while since we have showed you the fug of the world of handbags and purses. But it is time again, and unfortunately from a designer that I really happen to like. Luella, what have you done? Luella decided to release the fug of all fugs and of all bags that have fringes and dangles, the Luella Fringed Tassel Shoulder Bag. What the heck is behind this bag? If a mom carried this bag and I were a kid, I would be inclined to run back and forth through the fringes that seriously hang down to her knees, or I would hang on it and swing back and forth. As a matter of fact, I would still do that and I’m a grown woman (by age standards at least). The bag starts off nice with its base. The bag compartment itself is made of chocolate brown calfskin with the signature large leather heart shaped tags. Everything good so far. Also, the bag is accented with gold hardware and has a shoulder strap with gold rings on the end. Still we are good to go. The rest of the small stuff like the hook closure with gold heart charms is still cute and good. I don’t mind the blue stitching. But all of a sudden it is like we have plummeted down Mt. Kilimanjaro to the tassels. These tassels are unbearable. Why the heck do the hang so freggin low to the ground. If you are short, they may even just drag on the ground behind you. The gold, brown, and blue tassels along the base are fuggin’ Fugly. I really wish the dimensions of how far down those things go were available. Because, it’s just awful. The bag is overall awful. Even worse is the price they want for this thing. My good guess is you will never need to be put on a waiting list for this sucker- I don’t know who in their right mind would like this bag for $1950 via Net-A-Porter (I hope it is not YOU!).

It’s fug time. This is a bit more than just a plain Blah bag, its fuggilicious! Usually I love Marc Jacobs bags. I love their new quilted bags. But I ran into this thing, and it’s not doing anything but making me wanna run the other way. The Marc Jacobs Mink Flap Shoulder Bag makes sure to follow the trend setting with using exotic fabric, mink, but the overall bag has absolutely no appeal. Let me start with what I can like by itself first, then move to what I hate. First I actually really think the mink looks gorgeous (it should right? It’s mink!). Umm I guess the leather lining with the inside pocket would be fine too. But what I don’t like is the goldtone double chain strap with the absolutely hideous mink accents. Seriously, it looks like some of those arts and crafts puffy balls you used in Pre-School when being creative. This fug bag measures 10″H X 9″L X 2″W and sells for a whopping $2,900 through Saks.

I guess I haven’t given off the best Fendi vibe to my readers. Well, that’s true- it’s not always my style. I just got back from a long day of shopping and driving along the countryside of Germany (which is beautiful by the way- maybe I’ll show you all some pics later), and got an email from a reader, Denise, who thought I should check out this little number. I wonder if she realized I may not like the bag- which I don’t! Ha. So let us discuss the Fendi Bag It Mini (Lace and Mink). Okay, first of all the name has me totally lost and confused. They did not use the Lace and Mink in parentheses, so the name of the bag reads: Fendi Bag It Mini, Lace and Mink. Not a good name, which means not a good start! That just sounds wrong and it surely does not flow. And as we move along and check out this bag, it gets more interesting/questionable. Actually let’s read the commentary from eLuxury and see if any of us agree:

Fendi’s sexy showstopper is as fun as it is fabulous. Vibrant patent leather handles and trim accentuates the intricate lace and pearl bead detailing. When worn with the striking chain-link shoulder strap, the handles fold over to reveal exquisite mink fur and a polished silver-tone kiss closure.

Hum the bag is not particularly sexy to me, trashier, and the only reason it will be stopping a show is because of the “Fashion Don’t” look it will get. The leather handles are bright pink/strawberry which could be ok if the rest of the bag did not make it all look so trashy. The bag does feature two open outer compartments which have a coin purse closure. It is obvious to all of you that this bag surely does not meet my fancy, but it may be appealing to some of you. I hope no one ever feels like I am bashing bags too much, but hey, it’s just my opinion! (Side note) Anyhow this bag is an accident waiting to be purchased for $2,040 on eLuxury.

*Everyone can thank Denise for the link- which in turn leads to this negative commentary. JK Denise! Check out a picture of the bag which makes it look like a man-eating animal here!!

Giorgio, we need to sit down and have a word. Is everything ok? Are you confused or lost in life? No? Then explain to me why you used a curtain and its tassels from Napoleon’s old house. It’s just all wrong. This seriously looks like you would find it in the medieval period carrying around an apple or something medivalish (hey, I was never a fan of history so I’m not quite sure what they carried around then). My biggest problem is the price. For this you want $1695? Are you out of your mind?

This Giorgio Armani Velvet Tassel Tote is simply all wrong. Armani, which is usually known for its high end fashion, should have never made this bag public. The tote is made of chocolate velvet with brown crochet embroidered trim on the body. There is a woven double shoulder strap with the infamous tassels. Now, for this bag Armani wants $1695 of your hard-earned cash (Bergdorf Goodman). Are you going to splurge on this?

I have a little question; how many of you think you could head on over to your local craft store and make this bag yourself? If I have a little free time when I head back to the states I just might do so and show pics later to see if it resembles this bag. What do you all think??

Lucky Saks, lucky us! Available only at Saks, the bag of all bags has finally arrived. Just kidding about it being a long-awaited bag! But you know how they say dogs look like their owners sometimes, well now I think purses look like dogs (which unfortunately may look like the owner also). I have found a bag that will finally match the owner of the Chinese Hairless dog. The Carlos Falchi Cashmere Crochet Hobo is one fine mess of a bag. The bag is cashmere embellished with a variety of colorful beads and metallic crochet. The strap has multi strands of slender leather, which is where the Chinese hairless dog comes into play. I just don’t like how random strands of leather are strung about in a wild non-sensical way on this bag. The bag does have a python-embossed leather bottom, which is sort of a shame that such a material is going to waste. Using python, cashmere, and leather are all beautiful, but when put together on this bag it screams out atrocity to me! I can’t help but look at it and immediately want to compare it to something horrible: like the Chinese hairless dog, or like a bead project I did in 3rd grade. So why don’t you all tell me what you think it looks like! Be creative!!

Oh yea, if you were wondering, the bag is only available through Saks for a whopping $775.

Think about whenever (if ever) you have been to an art gala, where you see this “art” that looks like a huge mumbled jumbled mess of different colors of paint all over a white canvas. I fully understand that it is indeed art, but I personally have never understood it. I just can’t read into it properly. For example, I went to the opening of a famous Russian artists gallery (ummm I forget the name, that is how much I did not understand it all) with Mr. Vlad last Christmas, and as we walked through looking at the art I tried desperately to understand and read into it. I wanted so badly to be a critical thinker. I saw other people stare at the paintings for long amounts of time, even up to 30 minutes at one painting. I, on the other hand, could have walked through the entire gallery in merely 15 minutes and that would have still been 10 minutes too long. I don’t want any of you to think I am bashing the world of art and artists, but I am saying that I don’t really get it all the time. Like at the opening we went to, there was a huge white canvas (about 20ft x 15ft) and at the very most bottom right hand corner there was a band aid box taped on the canvas. Under materials, the artists listed: canvas, tape, band-aid box. I saw a man and woman literally stare at it for at least 10 minutes. I walked by it and tried to think Shakespearian-like and decided that the artist hurt his right little toe and it needed to be fixed. My guess is, I was way off, but still, I surely did not understand what in the world was going on.

So the point of my entire ramble about my lack of understanding in the world of extreme art, is that I found a bag (and a clothing combination) that reminds me of just that. This Nanette Lepore Prussian Purse is just all wrong. Maybe from the start I could not clearly focus on the bag because the model they showed it with was wearing an outfit that clashed so badly I couldn’t focus properly. Or maybe, I just don’t like the bag. The bag is a messenger style bag made of velvet with multicolored embroidery, long velvet shoulder strap with topstitching, an inset zipper closure, and textile lining with a patch pocket. This mumbo-jumbo mess can be yours for $140 through eLuxury.

*Actually the bag isn’t half awful when you look at it without that model sporting it*

Please, make it stop. My eyes hurt, my tear ducts are sucked dry and started bleeding, my head twitches wanting to move away from the screen that radiates pure fug… my body can not handle it no more. Pam and Gela, what in Buddah’s name were you thinking? The Juicy Couture Tye Dye Velour Bowler Bag is the ugliest fuggin’ fug bag I’ve seen in weeks, I can not believe they released something as agonizing as this. It looks like the purple puked green and smeared some beige across for additional effect. Only a masochist would get this bag for $115 at Saks Fifth. Or someone with a questionable taste.

“I’ll let you have that one” Megs told me yesterday, when she stumbled upon this capture of Ms Hotel Heiress Hilton. Oh gladly.

You see, I hate her fu**in’ guts. However, whether it’d be her intellectual level of an underdeveloped baboon infant, her distinctive chin line, her stiff & striking papparazzi pose, her periodic outcries of media attention whoring, or scandalous, yet amusingly explicit DVD materials in diffused light — Paris is always good for a bash. I get the feeling today will be dedicated to the older Hilton sis, just because she deserves it.
Regarding the picture above, there is one question unanswered. Paris, what were you thinking? You are not supposed to hang freshly slaughtered wildlife off your shoulder, silly!

I’ve been lovin’ my fruit lately. I know it is good for you, and it tastes yummie too. Well why not slab some fruit on a bag? Designer Lauren Tango decided to do just that, and that was a big no-no. This bag looks like something I would have made in pre-k. Beads, yarn, straw, paint, glue, and lots of “project” time. This bag is all wrong. I know all the other designers out there are sticking fruit on their bags, and hey, some of them sure can pull it off. But you, Ms. Lauren Tango, have not been given that gift. The bag is a straw checkered tote bag with an embroidered and beaded grape motif. The red leather double-handles are attached by silver-toned hardware and just lead down to the bulk of the grape vine misery. Lucky for the buyer, the bag also comes with a matching clutch. Just your luck. You know, I can say the bag is not the worst ever. It certainly would be much better without the grape thingie added on. But it really just has too much going on for me. If you enjoy that totally overly busy look, why not buy the bag for $144 at Bluefly?