I’ve got to say at least one nice thing about this bag: Dolce & Gabbana, I like your enthusiasm.

No, actually, I love it. Because the kind of chutzpah it takes to put together seven (that I can count) types of fuzzy animal print onto one bag is the kind of chutzpah that it takes to occasionally create a stinkin’ awesome bag. But at this point, ladies and gentlemen, I have but one caveat: the Dolce & Gabbana Miss Martini Flap Bag is not that bag.

Oddly enough, I think that what this bag suffers from the most is not that there are too many patterns, but that all of the patterns are too similar. Instead of creating contrast and visual interest, they all sort of meld together into one big tan animal print glob, and the result is decidedly “craft store.”

Not that it would have been any better had they added in, say, zebra print or snake print. This idea was more or less dead in the water from the get-go, but if it takes making a thousand ridiculous bags to finally get to one that’s genuinely great, then I’m okay with that. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Buy through Nordstrom for $1075.

But, for some reason, I’m having trouble coming up with my normal level of self-righteous rage over the Marni Alpaca Tote. It’s not that I like it, because I don’t think I do, but could it be that it’s just not quite as bad as the average fur bag, while still being substantially worse than the average non-fur bag?

I think that maybe my low-level of disdain for this bag is because not only does the fur have some interesting texture variation to it, but the bag actually appears to have a bit of a shape. Instead of being a uniformly colored and textured puffball, it actually looks rather bag-like. Which isn’t high praise under normal circumstances, but it probably puts it at the top of the fur bag rankings.

And maybe it’s because Marni is a brand that has a very quirky, nontraditional style to it that I don’t hate that they made a fur bag. I’m not sure. I still wouldn’t wear it, but I could imagine someone pulling it off reasonably well in a very cold climate. I’ve seen worse, that’s for sure. Buy through Net-a-Porter for $2440.

And when I woke up today and saw the Fendi Skunk Fur Peekaboo Bag sitting in the New Arrivals section of Saks, I knew that today was going to be a good day.

Ladies and gents, posts about these kinds of bags are my favorite to write. This bag is so terrifically awful that the words almost come too easily. Not only is it one of those puffball, shapeless fur bags that are so unfashionable, but it’s made out of a skunk. SKUNK.

What exactly is it about a skunk that says “luxurious” or “aspirational?” I don’t have a single positive association with the word, except for maybe Pepe Le Pew, the Frenchie cartoon skunk of my childhood, and I don’t want to see him made into a bag. And for anyone that has never smelled one of these things…the only way I can describe it is a combination of rotten eggs and hot garbage. Why anyone would want to be seen in public swinging a dead one from her arm is beyond my admittedly feeble levels of comprehension.

Even if the fur is soft, I can’t imagine it being a top seller. Maybe they don’t have skunks in Italy, and the designers were unfamiliar with how the animals smell before their pelts are removed and shipped to them. I don’t know, but it’s a smell that makes dogs sad, and dogs like to sniff all kinds of terrible things. I suppose that “terrible” is really the only way to describe this, after all. Buy through Saks for $1970.

But there’s also usually a problem with creating eccentricity for its own sake, which appears to be what was done with the Dolce & Gabbana Miss Charleston Chain Flap Bag. And I think we can all tell that it didn’t work out particularly well.

The best fashion trends come from the cool kids. And I’m not talking about the popular kids in high school – I mean the kids that looked different, that wore things you’d never think of wearing, and that are authentically cool despite doing precisely what they felt like. They existed in a universe that was sort of parallel to the normal popularity structure, and they probably will for the rest of their lives. Many of those girls go on to be “fashion people.” They’re tastemakers, it’s part of their personality. They’re the reason that Alexander Wang is selling handbags hand over fist right now.

But instead of embracing trends that come organically from people that are cool enough to make trends, Dolce & Gabbana appears to have simply decided to make something weird for the sake of being weird, which doesn’t really work. I don’t think I’ve ever said this before, but I think I could actually make this bag myself, given the proper tools. All it appears to be is woven grosgrain ribbon (the weaving isn’t even particularly straight) and some beads stuck in the chain, and perhaps it’s presumptuous of me to think that I could recreate it, but I don’t really see why I couldn’t. And even if I could, I wouldn’t want to. But rest assured, if I did, I wouldn’t charge anyone $2600 for it. Buy through Nordstrom for $2595.

Sometimes we get caught up in our work that we forget to take a minute to step back and take it all in…

The members of Purse Forum brought this handbag to our attention and we can not stop laughing. FAIL blog does it again and brings us a major FAIL in our own realm.

What happened when the designer of this purse was hard at work? Were the measurements off, the pattern flawed, or was it just a major FAIL. It doesn’t take more than one look to check out this handbag and see anything other than, well, what you see. Thank you for the mid-week laugh.

[via FAIL Blog]

Pursebloggers, I am confused by the Barneys New York Chic Chain Bag on a few levels.

First, I’m confused that Barneys really makes house-brand bags. Of course, I knew on a factual level that they did, but really? Do luxury goods customers want house brands? Even if the house is a good house? I can’t imagine anyone looking to spend a large amount of money on a bag would look first to something not even made by a proper design house. As much as I like buying supermarket-brand milk and cheese at the grocery store (it’s the same stuff! Cheaper!), I would never do the same with money that I saved up to by something special and luxurious.

Second, BURLAP?? EVENING BAG? Did those two concepts just collide on one handbag? Couldn’t someone at Barney’s marketing department come up with a slightly more fashionable word for the material? Burlap’s really all they’ve got? Asking all these questions is starting to make me dizzy and more than a little annoyed. But they have to be asked, because this makes no sense.

Lastly, $950?!?!?!?!?! For a BURLAP EVENING BAG? If Megs and Vlad would allow me to cuss, this is where it would be happening. I find myself offended at the implication that anyone should be spending $950 on anything made out of something that’s widely regarded as packing material. And I think I need a cocktail. Buy through Barneys for $950

The holes at the top corners are the eyes, and the top flap is the same shape as a frog’s upper lip, with one of the bag’s folds forming the lower lip. If it was green, it would be Kermit. And perhaps it would be better if it was, because it’s not doing a very good job of being a handbag. I can’t recall another bag that has left me so utterly confused as to what the designer was trying to accomplish. The body of the bag has a set of drawstrings running down each side and little loops hanging out the bottom, although I can’t see any way to hold the drawstrings in place if you wanted to scrunch up the bag. And why would you? That would just make it awkward to carry and give the inside of the bag lots of folds inside which your stuff could hide, never to be seen again. Plus, it looks like an amphibian. I’ll pass. Buy through Saks for $1595.

It looks like the Cookie Monster and Snuffleupagus had sex, and the resulting baby was skinned and turned into a handbag (yes, I had to Google to find out how to spell ‘Snuffleupagus’ I thought it had more F’s, personally). That kind of violence against muppets will certainly not be tolerated here at PurseBlog, and the immense cruelty towards children’s entertainment that Versace has shown with this handbag will not soon be forgotten. For shame, Donatella. What are you going to do next, skin the Florida Gator’s mascot and make a clutch out of it? Actually, on second thought, I would be completely ok with that. Just stay away from Big Bird. Buy through Bluefly for $3532.99.

The ubiquitously timeless brand, Bottega Veneta, typically does not do much wrong. But now they have gone and done it, and when they do bad, they seem to do it horribly. The only use I can find for the Bottega Veneta Small Cushion Bag is to give more cushion to my chair. The way I see it this bag could be carried around, plopped down on uncomfortable chairs, and then picked up and taken to the next location. I just do not understand what Bottega Veneta was doing or thinking with this bag. A different shape, sure. But this is not the kind of difference that I appreciate. The diameter is 17″ with the body being 4″ tall. I shall take this to my next appointment or better yet, football game. Buy through Barneys for $2,280.

I have not actually labeled a handbag a fug bag for a while. So long in fact that you all make wake up to a shock on Purse Blog. It is right, I am starting the week off with a fug bag. But can you really blame me? I mean, come on, I have a bone to pick with this bag. Where do I even begin here? Ok, let me try.

I have given so much love to Jimmy Choo bags and now I have to take it all back, at least take it back for this bag. First of all, plain and simple, what the heck is going on? Who really wants to pay nearly $1,100 for a sack of tacky PVC? I have the unfortunate task of introducing you to the Jimmy Choo Dylan Beach Bag, which is made with clear and neon pink PVC. I get it, we all need beach bags. And right now in Florida it is still in the 70’s, so it is still beach weather friendly. But this look is just all kinds of cheap. Really, there is not much else for me to say.

Do you need a good and sturdy beach bag? Yes. Even a plastic beach bag is a major plus as far as clean up goes. But to spend this exorbitant amount of money for the name is silly. And most importantly the bag does not even look great. I love Jimmy Choo, I love Jimmy Choo bags, but this bag makes no sense to me in so many ways. Over-spend at Net A Porter for $1050.

Don’t even ask, because I have absolutely ZERO idea what is going on with this bag. Is it a joke? It is for real? Is it for the kid at school that likes hunting? Is it actually intended for a grown-up? I have no idea and for the life of me I can not see why Stella McCartney paired with LeSportsac to create this thing. Actually it has indeed been quite a while since I deemed a handbag a fug bag, and now here I am baffled and confused and checking this one right into the fug category. I typically like the simplicity of many LeSportsac bags, but then we have this rendition of a handbag, the Stella McCartney for LeSportsac Deer Rucksack. The only cool thing about the bag is that it is designed with recycled polyester, from there it goes incredibly downhill. The dimensions are not really large enough for the bag to fit comfortably on a grown body, 8″W x 14″H x 1″D, so maybe the argument is that it is intended for a child? And even then, would you want your kid to be *that kid with the deer backpack*? I am all for kids defining their own style, but sometimes, you have to put your foot down. This bag is just all kinds of wrong. What do you think Stella and LeSportsac were thinking? Am I missing something? Buy through Nordstrom for $85. Hey, at least it is cheap (both in price and looks).

There was an earful of negative comments about the Marc Jacobs Color Block Pouchette bag. While some believed it was merely Marc paying an homage to Hermes and other commented that Hermes was not the first to design the lock, the majority did not care for the bag. I am a fan of Marc Jacobs but that does not mean that many of his bags are not my style. After the pouchette Marc needed to redeem himself. Unbeknown to him the next Marc Jacobs bags I cover are more horrendous than the first. These are not the only two, but there is an entire line of the Marc Jacobs Bag on Bags. These bags are supposed to give an artful feel, with a front pouch attached to the main bag. There is a version at eLuxury that shows off a red grained leather tote with a front pouch attached with sequin detail. Then there is a mesh tote version at eLuxury which sports a pink lace bag on the front. I would have easily been able to love this bag more if the pouch glued on front is removable, therefor making it a two-for-one deal, but the totes merely have a pouch stuck on the front. Why would you even care to use this pouch? Is there even a point really? And if it is just for looks, the look is nothing to my liking. I am a lover of art pieces but this is not even my kind of art. All I want to know is what was Marc Jacobs thinking? The only way I want to see this bag is on its way down the runway for a show, and then put away or on exhibit for good. Buy the red version at eLuxury for $2,650 and the lace and mesh version at Saks for $2,100.

Some say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Though this is true, many times I really beg to differ. It is easy to sit back and say this phrase when referring to someone else, but when your idea, your grueling work, your sleepless nights, are copied it feels 100% horrible. Actually, it feels so bad you could go find that ’stealer’ and knock them over the head with a salami. When a huge name like Marc Jacobs ‘imitates’ from an even bigger name, Hermes, do you think there are similar feelings? Most likely not, seeing as Hermes is one of the most exclusive design houses in the world. Furthermore, imitating too closely will only make Marc Jacobs look bad. The Marc Jacobs Color Block Pouchette is a case of imitation gone wrong. When imitating, you must take what you see and do it better, or else it is a total flop. This pouchette is a flop, a colorful disaster, and just does not mesh. The colors are indeed bold but they hurt my eyes with the hues placed together, lilac quilted leather and orange trim. The major problem is the double flap top which is finished off with a turn-lock closure and padlock detail. Marc might as well of come clean and just called it the ‘iconic Hermes padlock’. Not only am I not feeling it, but many of the ladies and gents on the Purse Forum are saying shame on Marc Jacobs! Pre-order through Bergdorf Goodman for $1275.

What do you think: Flattering for Hermes or an embarrassment for Marc Jacobs?

Dear Juicy Couture,

Really?? Did you think because floral prints were seen on the runway for Spring/Summer 2008 that this bag would be acceptable. I understand that you appeal to a younger crowd, but we are talking like tweens and teens, not 3 year olds in daycare. Your Juicy Couture Flower Tote is absolutely one of the worst fug bags I have ever laid my eyes on. There is something about the super cheap floral appliques in the Easter colors that makes me feel a little queasy. This is not even a good beach bag, not a good child’s bag, it is just horrible. And you knew it would be. The fact of the matter is that this large tote, 16″L x 11″W x 6″D, costs less than one of your terry cloth jackets. The pink is horrible, the green is atrocious, and I do not care to see the yellow. Seeing this bag only solidifies the fact that I do indeed hate the Valentino Rosette Tote and I can barely stand to look at the Juicy Couture Flower Tote ($95 via Saks).

So please, stick to what you know. Every Desperate Housewife Wanna-Be LOVES your two piece track suits. Granted, *I* even love the jackets (though wearing the entire suit at one time past the age of 20 should not be done but that is an entirely different story).

Sincerely,

Purse Blog

Earlier today I told you the crazy patterns and designs are a huge hit for spring. Some are really stunning, some are quirky but cool, and some are downright fugly! The overwhelming opinion on the Jimmy Choo Face Canvas Bag is that it is a huge miss and totally creepy. That makes me certain many of you will hate the Valentino Rosette Tote also, with its plastered fuchsia rosettes. I am all for playing with some leather to make it bunch to look like a rose, in ONE place on the bag. But this fug bag is all about the roses, and it makes me think the bees will live in your bag and build hives. Not only will you need to keep the cute hummingbirds away, but go grab some hive killer! This bag is killer. The black patent leather trim and gold-tone hardware only make it look older and more Driving Miss Daisy mixed with Red Hat Society. It is just hideous from every angle and for each aspect. So far my take on many of the crazy themed/faced/designed/printed bags for the next season are totally drab. I am waiting for one to catch my attention. Pre-order through Saks for $1,950.

Love his clothing, love many of his bags, but Zac Posen has totally fallen off the wagon with this one. It is an awkward handbag, this Zac Posen Bo Small Shoulder Bag. The Bo part might as well be the name of the cat that it is designed after, because right when I looked at this fug bag I saw an animal’s face. There are whiskers, eyes, a nose, just add the mouth and ears and you are set. Everything about it is off, and the dimensions are huge; 17.5″ (at base)x 9″x 2.5″! That means this will eat up your body and you either get it in the honey/yellow, a-la-Garfield, or the slate/multi. Sometimes is just all wrong. The bag looks off on so many levels. Sure, the materials are great and Zac Posen is an amazing designer, but I am hoping he signed off on this without looking at it, because it is so totally fug to me! Through eLuxury for $1,195.

This handbag is so manly it is making my estrogen run and hide. Seriously, I understand that Chloe wants to sport the chunky hardware and thick leather look, but everything about this handbag screams out brute-force-man. Feast your eyes on the testosterone filled Chloe Beata Patent Shoulder Bag, which looks as if it belongs in a male society before it belongs on the arm of a fashionable woman. The leather is thick, hideous, and a horrid shade of mahogany (which needs to stick to furniture rather than coloring of a handbag). And even worse, the leather is patent, giving off a gleam that will attract any passerby attention and also force them to stare at this bag. The inside out straps only further go to show that this bag is a disaster. I am just so turned off by this bag. After looking at it, I feel as if I need to go into my bathroom and put on layers of pretty pink nail polish and lip stick. And for the price, there are tons of spa treatments I would prefer to keep me looking young and beautiful. Via NAP for $1740.