Ok, folks, in the interest of full disclosure, I might have had a glass of wine (or four) before watching Project Runway last night. I live in a college town, so this is considered a light evening, but still, I had a small dinner, ok? So if you don’t like what you read about our cohort of fashion disasters (and, ok, maybe a couple of decent designers) after the jump, blame the pinot grigio. And my friend Rachel.
Last night’s challenge was to design a look for a “high-powered, professional woman.”
Our designers’ reactions before this woman is revealed? “I just don’t want it to be Hillary Clinton. ‘Cause, I mean, I would never win if I made a neon pantsuit.” intoned Blayne, our adorable (ok, not particularly adorable) tanorexic munchkin. I think that nicely sums up the season so far, don’t you?
Fret not, Blayne, it’s not Hills – it’s Brooke Shields’ character on Cashmere Ma…Lipstick Jungle. That’s the Sex and the City knockoff that she’s on. Right. No one watched that show, so I’m thinking that no one really had any idea what they were supposed to be doing. Or that Brooke Shields was back on TV.
TEAM CHALLENGE! These are always the best, no doubt about it, because half of the cast doesn’t get to choose with whom them spend their day, and with a group as bizarre and…well, bizarre…as this one, this was sure to entertain. And occasionally, you get something brilliant out of the team challenges, like last season’s avant garde confection from Christian Siriano and Chris March. But, let’s face it, none of these designers have proven themselves to be of the caliber of either of those men (well, one man and one elfin man-child) quite yet, so I was really hoping for some train wrecks. Actually, not hoping – there had better have been some train wrecks, because I managed to tear myself away from Michael Phelps’ delicious, half-naked body plastered all over NBC’s Olympics coverage for a WHOLE HOUR to watch this. So, reward me, Bravo.
Reward me they did, but we’ll get to that in a moment. Because first, we have designer team drama.
One of the pairings that made the least sense to me is real-world Terri and other-planet Suede. On what planet do either of those people EVER need to interact with each other? Terri’s tirade about Suede’s dependence made me want to HUG HER. For serious. Stop whining, Suede, and make it work. Don’t bore Nina. Holla at ya boy. Whatever. Just get to sewing.
Non sequitur of the day: Did anyone else notice the tan Rebecca Minkoff Market Tote that went down the runway? It was lovely! And then I missed a few minutes, because I got up to go to the bathroom and Tim Gunn didn’t wait for me like I asked him to. Moving on…
And then Straight Guy Joe totally tried to throw Korto under the bus when Tim came around in the workroom, but Korto won because she straight-up told him “Well, I have immunity, so if you see something wrong and you don’t say anything about it when there’s still time to fix it, then you can go home.” Awesome. Bus successfully avoided. Take that, straight guy.
Now, on to the trainwrecks. Kelli and Daniel, separately, have been two of my favorites since the season began. I mean, it’s Blue Cup Dress Daniel that we’re talking about here. You people should know my love for him by now. Together, they were…kind of terrible. Kind of really terrible. Maybe a little sluttly. Or a lot.
Blayne and the remaining Mousey Girl – who in the world can wear bermuda shorts and a flimsy button-down over a tank to the office? Especially in Manhattan, and to a high-powered corporate job? I’m not sure I’d wear that, like, canoeing. Were I ever to be in a canoe. Which I wouldn’t, hopefully.
So now, you ask, who didn’t suck this week?
Keith and Kenley actually made a really beautiful outfit, if they hadn’t chosen to wrap the extra fabric around the model’s neck. Other than that, the pieces were interesting and appropriate for the kind of character that I would assume we’re dealing with here. The layering on the skirt was done very well for the amount of time available, and as such, they were our winners this week. I’ve got to say, I don’t entirely disagree.
Jerell and Stella, who are completely mediocre (if not entirely terrible) on their own, surprisingly made a very cute, eclectic outfit tonight. I may very well have liked it more than our winners, but they were very close in my mind, so I won’t kvetch about that this week.
As far as losers and terribleness go, it was down to Kelli and Blayne, both of whom have, as Nina would say “questionable taste levels.” And sadly, very sadly, it was Kelli that had to leave tonight, but that’s what you get when you design an outfit that looks like it could have been bought off the rack at Hot Topic. Most importantly, Daniel is safe for another week, so my hope that he may recreate the magic of Blue Cup Dress springs eternal.
And I may be more excited about the next challenge than I ever have been for a television show in my entire life (except for every episode of Gossip Girl, ever): DRAG QUEENS WITH CHRIS MARCH! YESSSSS! Finally, a challenge even more fabulous than last season’s wrestler challenge. People, this is like a Liberace-dunked-in-glitter level of fabulousness that we’re in for next week. I’m not sure that my TV can contain it. And, you know, I used to work at Best Buy. My TV’s pretty big. So that’s saying a lot.